Death Warmed Over
by Mgg1606
Summary: I can't stop thinking about her. Even if I know this could never happen. She's the first person that has ever brought out feelings of love and longing. How can I have her and keep her at the same time?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

She's crying again.

I know it's difficult for her.

I see it.

Being by herself, it's always lonely.

Why can I help her?

This is getting to me.

I wanted to touch her today.

She seamed to need it. I wanted to feel her skin. To let her know that I was here, that she could have support. That she's not alone in this. I've tried to be there for her. Even if she doesn't know it.

Why do things have to be so hard?

I need a break. I walk to the window and close my eyes, I feel the sunlight steaming. The familiar voice always telling me that I'm doing the right thing by remaining here.

Like I didn't know it before.

I want to leave, but I know that if I do, she'll remain here and then she will be alone.

I take a deep breath. One that I know I don't need, but it calms me still.

When I open my eyes she's no longer there. I can see the bed has been made and the dirty laundry that was littering the floor is now in the basket near the door. I hear the sound of footsteps in the other room, the soft humming and the noise in the kitchen. She's up, making the best of it. I hope she's trying.

I'm still here. So I'll look over her for a little while longer.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I walk a few steps behind, she can't see me. But still I try not to huber to close to her.

I feel like a pest when I do.

I like the way she walks, so sure of herself, even if I know she's anything but that.

I see the way her eyes look everything. Like she's trying not to focus on anything in particular.

I've seen her do that too many times. It was just last year when it happen, I'm still not sure she had enough time recover. But before I knew it, she was going back to work, and doing all the things she did before.

I thought she'd get counseling or something. But she didn't.

I still thing she saw me, but since she never said anything to anyone.

She always stops at the same store window, there are baby clothes and toys and furniture. I wonder what she would have done.

Her reflection on the glass shows her small smile. Her eyes are a little glassy but as soon as she locks with mine in the reflection she turns and starts walking.

I don't really know if she can see me. But I still exist for these seconds when her eyes meet mine.

And then… We walk.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

She's smoking again. She wrote on that little book that she would stop. I think it was almost two months ago.

But then again if it wouldn't have happen I think she would have definitely stopped.

All the lights in the small apartment are out, except for the little lamp on her night-stand, she's been sitting on the wood floor with her back to the wall and her hand out the window. She's breathtaking tonight.

The moon's glow shines thru the window and illuminates her legs, she's wearing small black panties and a long t-shirt. Her hair is a mess.

Beautiful and natural and as always I'm hard.

I can't keep doing this anymore. She parts her legs slightly, as she brings her hand to her lips to take another hit of the cigarette. She's been very good at letting it burn more then actually smoking it.

The sounds of the street below are a lull as she keeps on smoking and starring at the canvas on the wall.

I think this is her best work yet. She thinks she's not good enough. I wish she could see herself differently. Or the way I see her.

I'm waiting for her to try and sleep. I hope this time she can get some rest. I want to try it again. Maybe this time she'll tell me.\


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The small warm breeze from the sliver of open window moves the drapes slightly. I see the rise and fall of her chest as she inhales and exhales in her deep sleep. Maybe if I wait a little longer she'll be fully under and then I can try it again.

I'm leaning over her a little. Her expression is of calm but when my fingers trace her check, that little pucker between her eyebrows appears again. I move my hand back but not my body. I don't want to be far from her. I know it's stupid of me but I can't help it. She so beautiful and she should be mine by now. But still I can't seam to take her. She's much too precious to me to have that fate. Much too young.

I've never felt like this.

I know that I'm just stalling. I know that she has to go. But I can't seam to make a choice.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Morning is here and the sound of the city is loud.

She's still fully asleep.

I guess my little experiment took a little out of her then I thought.

I'm trying to be good.

I check the time on her I phone again. I've been doing it every few minutes. Everytime I get close to her, her breathing accelerates and she becomes restless but she doesn't wake.

I move to the window again and lean on the sill, I can see people walking down the streets, there is a dog barking out the window of a second story window just beside us, he keeps barking at me, huh?

The constantan movement from outside is dizzying.

I walk out the room to her small living area and try and sit on the darkest corner.

I know that if I'm still for awhile, she'll wake.

…..

Her hair is in a high messy bun and her sunglasses will covering the dark circles under her eyes. She's chosen to wear skinny jeans and a lose t-shirt today.

I know that she has to go in today, but I don't want her too.

I hide her keys.

She practically tears the place apart looking for them.

I keep sitting in my dark corner as I watch her throw the pillows from the couch, and move furniture over to look for said keys.

I'm a total ass-hole for doing it.

But I don't want her to go.

Not yet.

Not while I can protect her.

Not while I think I love her.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

I miss her smile.

She hasn't smiled in weeks. Of course she hasn't talked to anyone in weeks, and I think she's been depressed.

She hasn't been taking care of herself, she's thinner, and her skin is sallow, her once curvy figure is now a little too light. I miss it. She's still beautiful, but she doesn't look to healthy. And I worry.

Last night I thought she was too eager to talk to me. I actually thought she was awake.

I touched her skin, it grounds me, it helps me believe that I can actually be with her.

But in the back of my mind I know it's impossible. Her time is almost up. And they'll be asking about her.

I still don't know what I'll say. Or do.

I can see the traces of pink skin on her wrights; you can barely see the scars now. They're almost gone. I know they're there, those kinds of things don't go away, ever. But still, she's healing. She's recovering. I just hope she'll be smart about it and stop.

After the lost keys she finally just asked the supper for a copy and left grumbling to herself about fucking keys and little fucking elf's taking them.

I want to be where she is but not today.

I know they want to talk to me today, so I close my eyes and drift.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"You know that after what happen, the police wanted you for a statement. What happen to you? Where did you go?"

"I had to take care of some things.. you know?" Her small voice seams frighten.

She's been on the phone since I got back.

I can hear the voice at the other end. It's male and quite angry. He's been asking her to come in, but she seams reluctant.

I hope she doesn't.

"Hey, I still have your check her.. Are you coming in to get it? I need to see you…we miss you, I miss you"

"Um" she takes a deep breath. "I don't know Miguel, I still feel weird about coming back, it's only been a few months. I still don't feel up for it". She closes her us. Waiting for his reply. Her hands are holding the phone, she's slowly moved her body on the couch in the fetal position. She seams afraid, the if his voice could come out of the phone and hurt her.

"OK, don't worry about it, Angela's been covering your shifts and Jess has been taking your appointments. But still you have to tell me if you're really coming back or not" he huffs. "I need to know for sure. Remember that you still owe me. And I if you're not here working I'll just have to seen your appointments over to you, so that you can pay be back".

She quicky sits up, "NO, it's OK, I'll get you the money. It's just that I need a little more time and/.." "TIME, you'" he interrupts her.

"Now I need to see you or else I'm sending him there". And he hangs up.

Her face is a mask of worry.

I can see her eyes glaze over, as the panic attack takes over.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Her breathing is loud.

Her whole body is trembling. I can see her eyes are shifting everywhere.

I know what this is.

It's going to be a very bad one.

I'll have to do it again. But it's too soon. She can pass. But I'm not ready yet.

I want more time with her.

But she needs me.

So I come close to her trembling body. I hold my hands close to her back, but not quite touching her. I move them up and down as if I would be rubbing her. She shifts away from me on instinct.

We've been in this position numerous times.

I move my body towards hers again and try and hover completely over her on the couch. She closes her eyes and tries to take control of her breathing. But she's too worked up over that fucker's ultimatum.

I leaned my face close to hers and as I do she hums a little blowing out a small breath that wafts over my face.

I know it's going to be so hard for me when she moves on but I have to try and help her now, while I still have time.

She's finally asleep. I'm still hovering over her a little. I try not to do it for too long, just until she's calmed enough.

I move slowly not to shift too much or she'll feel it.

I walk over to the small closet to look for a blanket. She shifts in her restless sleep as I approach her with the thick brown blanket. I know that if I let her know some how.

I won't be able to take her. So I cheat and cover her with the blanket. It's an inexplicable act since she lives alone. If she tries hard enough I will have to let my self be known to her.

But I can't.

She's not ready.

I don't want her to know yet.

So I take the blanket back to the closet and sit on my dark corner and wait for her to wake.


	9. Chapter 9

**OK, so here goes. I don't own Twilight or it's character.**

**I have been writing this story for awhile now, so I have a many chapter writen down, ready. But I really need your feedback... I would like to know if you like it, if it sucks. I don't have a Beta, so all mistakes are completly mine, sorry in advance, and if it's a hang up, well... **

**Ok, so here we go...**

**Chapter 9**

It's been several days now and I haven't moved from my corner.

In fear of making it worse.

I was reprimanded by my superior and was told to act like I need it the redemption, like I wanted to repent. Like I was doing a sentence.

But how much longer can I keep doing that since I have already been here too long.

She's been happier. I see it in her eyes.

She's been painting again; the apartment has been a constant swirl of movement and sound.

One of her "clients" came to see her two days after the episode. That fucker couldn't wait too long.

She welcomed him and they sat and talked. He asked her about the club and she refused to tell him details.

She was a little nervous about this. He looked at her paintings and hmm.. and all that.

But never gave her any solid opinion.

Fucker couldn't appreciate a good thing when he saw one.

They went out. I stayed. I don't like it when she did this before, I definitely don't like it know.

I kept my ears out for her. I know that if she needs me I'll be there in the blink of an eye.

So I wait.

Any theorys on who he is? What she does? I would love to know your thoughts!

Come on don't be shy, leave me something, anything. Please!


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

They know that I won't leave her behind.

They've told me to move on, to do my job, but I can't she's seen me, I know it.

Maybe I imagined it but still. I can let her go.

It's almost 3 in the morning and she's still out with that fucker.

I can't go to her, I know she's alright. I can feel it. I can feel her.

She's been gearing up for this for days; I know that it will be like before. But I can't bear to watch as she does it.

The lights in the apartment are all out, I'm still trapped here, I can't move, she'll be back, and then I can try it again. Maybe this time she'll tell me everything.

I want to know, I need to know if she knows.

It's the only thing keeping me here.

Or is it maybe that I'm in love with her?

I still haven't figured that one out yet.

I think I have too, before they send me somewhere else.

The key in the lock brings me out of my thoughts.

Before I know it, she's flying through the door in a frenzy, clawing at her clothes and grunting and screaming bloody murder.

I rush right behind her to her bedroom and watch her as she paces and pulls at there hair.

It's happen again.

**Anyone know what's going on? Does anyone have any guesses?**


	11. Chapter 11

**I don't own T****wilight, **

**OK, so this chapter took a little from me...hope you like it, and please let me know either way.**

**Chapter 11**

***FLASH BACK***

I drift from here to there; there are abandon buildings and dirty streets.

My mind is on the different faces I'll have to visit.

I know this is a place of sadness; they are all doomed to die.

But still there fates are sealed by there pure nature.

I drift to other places there are others that don't open there arms and welcome me like these do. I've been around them too long, watching them and never participating.

I saw her during my close visits to these parts.

The small cries where the ones that alerted me, she was wrapped in a dirty and bloody towel and still covered in placenta.

Her mother was lying beside her with a needle sticking out of her arm.

I had seen the mother in my drifting but I didn't know that I would have to make a personal appearance.

Usually I just grant them pass.

But this one was too young, to new to die. She had a strong hart-beat and a unique agenda.

She couldn't die yet.

As some can tell you we can care less about the race but up there, I'm obligated to do my work. It's looked at as a sentence as you may guess, and it's passed on from one spirit to another; you have to repent and make amends to have the glory of heaven.

I was one of the lucky ones, he chose me to do this. I've never been alive. I've never had the chance, I was one of the denied ones, one of the "would have been's".

Since I had been too young to even be, he chose me.

I was happy to do it; I wanted the chance to get to know them, to fell like I could be part of that. But I would never be. I could only observe.

Learn.

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><p><strong>Sad! Part 2 of this flashback in the next chapter! Hope to see you there!<strong>


	12. Chapter 12

**I don't own Twilight.**

**On with our Deathward **hint, hint****

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><p><strong>Chapter 12<strong>

And so when I went to her, those small hands would wiggle out, and her eyes would shift to my movements.

She was following me even that early on.

I wanted to touch her, she seemed to need it. I extended my long boney fingers and came close to the light that was protecting her.

As she wiggled, suddenly her little fingers instinctively wrapped around mine. And that's when I made my first sin.

I wasn't supposed to get that close to anyone. I was over the line of there world, where I didn't belong.

I heard the resounding voice that told me to move away from her. But she wouldn't let me go. Her little fingers had strenght in them and her touch, transformed everything in me.

I was told after this encounter that it would be my last assignment on earth that I would be substituted by another effective immediately, but no one was up for the task and so I was reinstated and warned not to get too close or risking a reprimand that would surely land me on a very hot seat.

I obliged the heading of my superiors but since I was young and stubborn I did follow her for years.

Everything seamed to be normal until she turned 8, that's when it all began.

***END FLASHBACK***

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><p><strong>So one of you got the gist of it, yes he is the Angel of Death. Please review<strong>


	13. Chapter 13

**Here's another one, hope you like it.. Oh, Twilight= not mine!**

**Chapter 13**

Her frantic behavior has been over the top.

She even seams hysterical at times.

She throws things against the walls, she's not eating again.

Last night she almost spend the night in the bathtub, her skin was wrinkled and her eyes where red from the long exposure to the water. She smoked two packs of cigarettes while in there.

I sat in the corner of the bathroom, with my head in my hands.

I'm frustrated as I can't seam to help her.

I don't know what to do.

Everytime this happens and I know that it will keep happening again.

I'm afraid that she won't bounce back from it.

The last time it actually left scars on her body. She inflicts on herself the pain that she inflicts on others.

What she doesn't know is that there time was already up.

She thinks she's doing it out of hate. What she doesn't know is that they where already marked; it was just a matter for time for them.

I wish I can tell her, maybe it would make her feel better. But knowing that you're a murderer and that you'll never stop, would it make you feel better? Make everything alright?

So I wait.

There in my corner, where I belong.

I'm her slave, she owns me… even if she doesn't know it.. I know it… I'm hers.

Her body is deteriorating, I can smell it… she is different… that gleam in her eyes is dulling slowly.

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><p><strong>Now what do you suppose that happen to her? Hit that little review button and let me know if you want some more<strong>


	14. Chapter 14

_**Twilight= Not Mine**_

_**So after this, the story will earn it's rating...Hope your prepared... It get's alittle sad.. and much more sexy! **_

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 14<strong>_

_**Yea, thought I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil:**_

_**For thou art with me;**_

_**Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me,**_

_**Thou prepared a table before me in the presence of mine enemies;**_

_**Thou anoints my head with oil; **_

_**My cup runneth over.**_

_**Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.**_

_**And I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever.**_

_**(Psalm 23)**_

I hear it so many times that it just makes me smile, they are welcoming me. I calmed them, I shepherd them, and they are in good hands even if those hands are white and boney.

I am cold and detached.

My eyes have no meaning in them, they are simply reflections of there souls.

I posses no answers they will all learn soon enough.

My mind has been made up ever since she touched me.

What I didn't know was that I had affected her and transformed her in away that would never change.

She was destined to be mine, and that time was approaching faster then the light he shone on us.

She sits on the balcony.

It's a decrepit and very dangerous place, but she seams to like it, even appreciate it, as having character.

She only speaks to the people from the club by phone; she's decided not to contact anyone anymore.

I wait patiently for her to get tired to comeback inside.

I don't sit with her out there because it makes the old woman across from her think that I'll be visiting her soon.

That old bird is here for another 35 years, she's been planning her departure for years, preparing her children for it, her husband passed a while ago and she said she'd be with him soon, when he passed, but I know she only said it to apace him.

She had a lot to do here that was over do.

The old are always preparing, the see me too clearly.

The young is who held me tight to them, there recklessness and there feeling of invincibility is what makes them so familiar with me.

She smiles a little.

I want to fell like it's for me. Like she knows I'm here.

She turns and flicks the bud out to the street. And climbs inside, she walks around looking for something, opens and closes drawers, kicks and flips clothes that she'd worn yesterday.

She huffs out a breath as she sits in the chair on the opposed corner of where I usually sit, which no is occupied by the new canvas.

I stand against the far wall right next to the doorframe.

I can see her eyes are looking for something. She sits still. Breathing deeply. And before I know it, in just the blink of an eye, she stands right against me and whispers.

-"I can feel you here"-

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><p><strong>WHO WANT'S SOME MORE!<strong>

**If you do please review... and pimp me out, I'm on tumblr lovelybrunett, on fb Melissa Glez and other places. but yeah... Look me up... I also post this story on my tumblr, and I will try something that I've never tryied before... The first 5 review will get a teaser of the next chapter...Yeah, I know I'm nice that way... SO... what are you waiting for.. hit the little button on the bottom and tell me what you think.!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Twilight is not mine. **

**Hello to my readers, happy you've keep coming back. I really hope you review. I've seen several adds and all but very little reviews. So If you get the chance please let me know what you think.**

**Chapter 15**

I can feel her breath on my neck…

She's right against me… I can feel her warmed; her scent is weakening my resolve.

Her hands trail down my abdomen, I feel the actions, but not what I would expect. The closeness of her is driving me mad. I'm hard, against my clothes. The dark pants I wear are tight around my groin area. I've never experienced so much lust –only with her. I feel her lips trailing down my clothed chest. Her warm breath dampening the cloth. Her hands move to the underside of my back. She is skin to what ever it is mine is as she pulls my shirt up. He lips touch me. She licks and nibbles. I'm in bliss.

I see the top of her hair and I brush my hands over her face when she looks up at me I see the whole of her eyes. Her smile is a sneer; her skin has turned gray, almost like if she was made of ash. As my pull back my hands abruptly from her. I see the color returning to her.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath and suddenly I feel the cold.

As I open my eyes I see her sitting outside still smoking...

I'm being punished.

I want it too much.

I know that I'm scared to do it. To leave her. To want her like I do.

I had been in this constant uncertainty for a long time now. I'm still undecided as to what to do.

I'm losing my mind, slowly but surely.

The clock marks midnight.

I see it in her eyes, as she glances inside.

She's been restless after that episode. I know something happened, I'm still not sure if she did it or almost.

I haven't tried again.

I'm stalling. I think that if I do it again she'll hurt herself.

The last time I actually got her to talk to me during that trance, the next morning she was so depressed that she tried to kill herself by cutting her wrights.

The only thing that saved her was the lady downstairs. The water started to filter thought the roof and she had a waterfall going down in her living room.

The supper had to replace the door, and she was rushed to the hospital.

They kept her for a month.

I couldn't see her.

Since I can never go into those places.

Those minds are too fragile, too accepting that it would become a mass suicidal wave.

So I stayed away.

Dreading the worse.

After a month, Alice came for her.

She knows not to touch her.

Her husband Jasper helped with the paper work and they lead my beautiful broken tainted girl to there home.

I had to only come to her during the night, since they have small children and several dogs and other pets.

I knew this before… I can be seen.

The mind has to be pure and good.

They accept me; they are open vassals to manipulate. I've never tried it. I don't think I can do it. I can barely touch her without having to take her.

So now that she's here, by herself. I see her looking over her shoulder to the new canvas on the corner. The corner where I usually sit while she sleeps. She's taken over it.

Is she trying to tell me something?

Am I not welcome anymore?


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Eyes as wholow as deep pools of darken water.

Hands as white as bones.

The smile looks more like a sneer.

She paints.

I was drifting, a little... Not to far from where I know I'm needed.

She takes advantage of my absence, and starts.

I see her hands and arms caked in paint, her once white button down shirt is splattered in back and red.

Her legs are bear, she's in her element and she is stunning.

I can see this is going to be a series.

I don't want to see what she is creating. I rather watch her.

She moves with swiftness, like she's dancing.

Her face is a mask of concentration. Her hands move rapidly and precisely.

She creates from thin air.

And she is wonderful at it.

I hope this will be well received.

There in the back of all that is happening, I feel sadness inside her, a longing, and a fear.

I take a breath and move to the outside.

Leaving her in her perfect moment.

They call, I can hear them. They want me to report.

She's better, she'll stay longer- they say.

But I won't.

I bow my head not wanting them to see the pain in my eyes. They know that I would do anything to stay with her.

I'm dangerous to her. She's too fragile for me to stay. Her mind has gone through so much. And I'm needed somewhere else.

"Make up your mind". My superior demands. "Stay but not as you are, or leave and be in his grace".

I look up to him, the sorrow apparent on my face.

I have to decide.


	17. Chapter 17

**Twilight=not mine**

**Here's a short one for you but not less important, hope you like it!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 17<strong>

The chaos is making me dizzy.

I can't feel her anymore. The haze of this has been too thick to drift.

I have to make a decision; if I stay I would never be with her the way I've longed for.

We are in different times.

I would be starting while she transcends and that just won't work.

The vassal that would be granted for me is in a womb of a young woman, she's wanted a child for so long. Her blond hair and beautiful face make her stand out.

Her bear of a husband has wanted a child to spoil and to be his world.

Both want this so badly that I almost decide to take the chance.

But what would happen to my beautiful broken girl?

I would be a babe in this world and she would be incapable to wait for me.

So what now.

I keep my thoughts while I distribute the passage to the underworld.

The spirits are restless, and I have much to do.

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><p><strong>More tomorrow my lovelies!<strong>


	18. Chapter 18

**Twilight= Not mine**

**This chapter hit me a little hard, you see. The people I'm writing about are (where) real. This chapter is actually the first chapter I wrote and then developed the story around it. This was my inspiration, so it made me cry while I wrote it. It still makes me cry when I read it again today (funny while I was checking for spealing errors or shoud I say horrors, LOL) But you get the point. **

**Ok, If your as sentimental and want love in it's puressed form then hurry and get a tissue. I'll wait….. (doo da doo da doo) **

**Ok, ready?**

**Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 18<strong>

On one of the travels I come to a place with a man on a concrete bench, he is old and wrinkled, his face is familiar.

I have seen him before; he's been in my path several times but has refused passage.

Now he sits here, his clothing are worn, his once deep blue eyes are now a little dull; his face once handsome and dreamlike is now wrinkled with age.

His skin still has the smell of alcohol.

Once a heavy drinker, now a successful case of recovering alcoholic.

His eyes are pleading.

He finally lost her.

She was his light in this dark world he lived in for many years.

Giving him love, understanding, children, joy and now the sadness and ache of her absence.

She was very young when he meet her.

Lovely green eyes, dark- almost black- long curly hair. The smile of a nymph and the body of a goddess.

There was true love in there relationship, true companionship, and most of all true understanding and compassion.

She lived in an altered state; she was more angel than woman.

He knew this and loved her for it.

So when she received her call from our Lord, she was much too worried, about them all, she knew she had done her duty and loved every second, she thought that he still needed her.

He would always will, they're love was so encompassing that they lived for eachother.

So now that she's been gone for a few months, he calls on me.

He's a smart man, a very lyrical poetic man, he calls on me with idols and his poems, he fights and yells, his boisterous character is more pronounced now that he doesn't have his anchor, his heaven, his Raquel.

He sits, in this concrete bench in the cold of night with his mug of coffee and his sad eyes.

He needs me now; he wants to be with her.

But he knows that it will take time.

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><p><strong>Part 2 of this tomorrow. Please let me know if you're enjoying it…or not!<strong>


	19. Chapter 19

**Twilight=not mine, but I think I haven't used any name or trademark characteristic of those characters to have to have a disclaimer.**

**OK. So here is the second part of the previous chapter, hope you enjoy and let me know!**

**Oh, and before I forget, check out the bottom part for a special surprise! **

** **giggling like a little girl****

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><p><strong>Chapter 19<strong>

I had never been so moved, not when the young pass, not when the brave fall.

It was love in it's purest form.

His pleading eyes where not what moved me. It was his willingness to accept fate, or life's process.

He wanted to be with her.

But he was still willing to stay for them.

He was baiting his time until this moment.

I sit beside him. His coffee cup still clutched by his thick fingers.

He takes a deep breath but does not move.

I know he can feel me.

He knows that he is near.

Completion.

And this time he knows that I will not negate his passage to the after life.

I leaned over him, just a little not wanting to frighten him.

He will start to feel the pressure in his chest, his breathing will become labored and he will have one of his asthma attacks.

He sits in the dark and cold of his garden.

Time is ticking slowly for a change.

He is surrounded by her.

The flowers she planted while still ill, the old fruit trees that she nursed from seeds.

She is all around him.

Even where he sits, they once had a place here, they took time here slowly happily leaning on eachother, loving eachother.

The huge house that once held such love and warmed is now empty and cold.

The bed that he can see through the sliding glass door where she took her last breaths is now cold, alien to him.

No rest will be had there.

He cannot bear to lay there let alone sleep or rest.

He sips his coffee slowly, he know I'm here. And with a grin and a small nod he accepts my question.

Are you ready?

The cup falls from his fingers, the crack resounds loudly in the advance night time.

The daughter that lives with her family in the property rushes to his aid. But she is too late, his still, cold smile greets her.

He is gone.

I drift to the others.

Knowing that his journey is over, his destination is upon him.

His goddess greets him.

He is home.

And suddenly…It clicks inside me.

I know now what I'm supposed to do.

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><p><strong>Alright, you made it down here, thanks for reading and reviewing, and since I'm in such a good mood, I've decided to post another chapter today... So you'll be getting a two for... <strong>

**How much do you love me? Let me know by reviewing. LOL**


	20. Chapter 20

**An still I tell you that Twilight= Not mine!**

**FINALLY! This day had been very shitty, pardon my french... but yeah, with ff being broken.. I was having such a lovely morning and then... ff whent and got broken again.. but now it's fixed. So Yay!**

**OK, here's your second chapter for today...late, but not my fault!**

**Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 20<strong>

I close my eyes and drift to my heaven.

I see her still creating, the skin of her legs has goosebumps, and the cold night air has been drifting inside.

Her hands are still rapidly working on the canvas. I can partly make out the smile and the dark hood.

This is a second canvas. The one before is lying on the floor next to the open window. It depicts a set of large skeletal hands; they seam soft, gentile even, they almost cover the sneering smile with the too red lips.

I can sense pain and longing in her. But I think I might be reflecting it upon her.

My eyes roam over her body.

She is beautiful.

I take her image as she is, to burn in my infinite memory and try to rationalize my feelings, try to make it so that I will leave her and never come to her again.

She will be eternal in my mind. Or until the Lord asks me to grant her passage. In which case I will be mournful and devastated, but I will do my duty, as he saw fit.

I love her… she was mine…_was_ now I hand over my clame on her and detach myself from her _life_.

I know this is what is supposed to happen, we where never meant to be near eachother, let alone be together.

My presence only holds sorrow and pain.

I love her too much to see her suffer.

So I watcher for one more moment and then drift.

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><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed this.. I know it's a little on the shorter side but still important... so If you have questions, or comments let me know... I hope I don't sound like a broken record but... leave me some love, and I hope you're still with me!<strong>


	21. Chapter 21

**Twilight= not mine**

**Here is a new chapter of my story for you to enjoy, hope you're still with me...**

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><p><strong>Chapter 21<strong>

I see the clear sky as it turns from dark to light.

I came to a place where there is pain and the calling of death is too great.

It has a particular aura, as well as a smell.

I come to a place where I am welcome with open arms and rolling carpets, here it's more an honor to have me near, then a tragedy.

I come here only to grant passage, not to judge.

I only do it, to forget her.

But she's been in my cold hart far too long to leave her behind.

Time passes… for them… I look upon them with indifference… I want to know her…see her…touch her like I did before.

But to my great satisfaction and relief she has not called upon me again.

She must be healing.

She must be happy.

She _**must**_ be happy.

They've asked me again.

If I wish to descend, I'm still not sure.

My only motive was to be close to her. I've asked this request several times now.

I was granted permission to descend, years ago. But the vessel that was granted is now void. There are several that are not to be born, I could chose one, but I will forget her, this time I will not remember her.

That is the price I will have to pay for my demolitions.

I look to my supervisor for answer on her well-being, but he shakes his head, and twists his fingers.

I will not have help from him. He's been forbidden.

I want so much to drift to her.

But cannot.

I will search for her… I will remember her.

My love for her will transcend.

I smile to myself, and take the leap.

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><p><strong>OK, so where going for a journey of self discovery...<strong>

**Hope you're enjoying this, so leave me some love, because I'm writing these week and I need the inspiration from all your lovely words...**

****Smooches****

**Mel **


	22. Chapter 22

**Twilight is not mine. ( I had to write it like this because my mother, said it was not proper English, LOL)**

**To the lovely readers, who have been putting up with my spelling horrors I thank you from the bottom of my hart. You see my native language is Spanish but I love to speak and write in English. I think it's because lemons sound much better. (IDK, LOL) By the way the Poem at the beginning is a sort of clue about our lovely Deathward's native country. Remember that he was universal or multinational and now... OH, and yes it's an original composition by yours truly!**

**OK, is everyone ready? Have you gotten your seatbelts on? Here is the begining of our Deathward as a fleshy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 22<strong>

**Oda de la Muerte.**

**_Callado es el momento en el que se despiden._**

**_Alegre es el momento en el que llegan._**

**_Siempre me ha interesado la diferencia entre ambos._**

**_Cuando llego a su lecho, todos quieren que me aleje._**

**_Escucho las plegarias que entonan al gran poderozo,_**

**_Para alejar mi visita, y hacer mi trabajo mas dificultoso._**

**_Sus lamentos me enternecen._**

**_Siendo yo una alma dedicada_**

**_cuando un envio he de recibir_**

**_siempre trato de llegar enperifollada._**

**_Este pueblo donde yo fui a parar_**

**_siempre fue muy sabio y devoto_**

**_antes de llegar los misioneros_**

**_sus creencias me daban gozo_**

**_Ahora que ya soy mas vieja_**

**_me acerco mas a mis contendientes_**

**_se resignan a mi presencia_**

**_pero aun algunos me pelan los dientes._**

**_-Mgg-_**

She was beautiful. Her long wavy hair, and caring brown eyes; had me hypnotized since the moment I open mine.

She held me with such tenderness, and she granted me her love as soon as she touched me. She was loving and lovely.

Her hands where small but strong. Her hart was tender but brave.

He too loved me strongly and cared for me with a fatherly intensity that made me want to return those feeling instantly.

I was perfect for them. I was there one and only.

My pale skin and deep green eyes where inheritance from both. I was truly blessed.

I don't remember clearly, but since I came upon this world, I was loved. The long forgotten feelings of loneliness and the sadness where not part of me anymore.

There love was strong and nurturing, I was now a son of God and the son of Jairo and Melena. A pair of abandoned children who found eachother the love and support they needed.

There family was complete with my very arrival.

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><p><strong>He's alive! Yes, he is a human... What do you think? Where do you he was born in? <strong>


	23. Chapter 23

**Twilight is not mine.**

**Here's a short one, getting to know you, getting to know all about you...LOL**

**Chapter 23**

My life was a dream. My parents where loving and attentive, I never wanted for anything. I was loved, cherished, and nurtured beyond my wildest dreams.

At a young age my father thought me music. Since his passion and his livelihood were so ingrain into his personality, he showed his love by sharing his interest and traditions with me.

So at the tender age of 3 I had my first guitar lesson and listen as he sung the guttural and sad song of his country.

My mother and her lightness of foot, thought me to express my feelings and emotions with dance.

By the time I was 10 we had been in several countries and had lived in a handful of places. All of them humble.

My extended family was not linked by blood, but by circumstances. They where all from broken homes and some even outlaw from different places.

Our _**family**_ was thriving as we traveled and shared our different gifts.

My father and mother where the most sawed after act.

His music attracted people from all walks of life, he had a commanding presence and a beautiful sad voice, which commanded my mother's movements, and dictated her rhythm as she spined, arched her body gracefully and stomped her heals furiously expressing the emotions that my fathers words called out for.

I was loved my many and watched over by the older women who in turn saw me as more then a child. They always had a reverent look when I was near. Some looked upon me as having a special gift, not yet reveled. Others simply kept there distance and never looking me in the eye.

My guitar lessons, where accompanied by flamenco dancing by my mother, and taoromaquia- the art of bull fighting- by the older and more experienced man of our tribe.

By my 17th birthday I was part of my parent's act, as the second guitar in there entrancing presentation.


	24. Chapter 24

**Twilight is not mine.**

**Here we go again... I thought this chapter wasn't going to be up...bc of ff... but here we go!**

**Enjoy**

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><p><strong>Chapter 24<strong>

I was well aware of the murmurings around our tribe.

I was looked at differently. Not just because of my unique taking of knoledge and my looks.

By the age of 3, I could read and write perfectly.

By the age of 10, I could strum the guitar as well as my father.

And by the age of 16, I was attracting several looks from people outside our _**family**_ that where not welcome.

You see… we where a very private and closed off group.

We went from city to city and town to town, offering a show, for money.

We never strayed or mingled with the outsiders. Our blood was pure in our _**family**_ because none of our members ever married outside our tribe well there where the exceptions but still it was well knowned that we did not look outside the tribe for anything.

Most of out young where already promised to someone.

But I was never promised to anyone. My parents didn't seam to want that for me. I was free to find my own way.

There where no unwed females, at leased none of my age, so I didn't have a chance to even be interested in anyone. So I was attractive to the outsiders since I was the only gypsy unattached.

I wore the marks in my clothing of a young unwed man; there was no cuff on my wrist signaling a wife or a lover.

My status as part of the most successful act in our show, and the fact that I was single was the attraction that kept the outsiders flocking to our shows.

We even had a following.

We where announced even before we got to the city. They waited for us to settle and then they would flock to our campsites to ask about our showings and even ask our fortuneteller women for advice.

The prepared candles for love, money and health where big sellers, the love potions and the reading of tea leaves, as well as the reading of the palms and the tarot cards where always what broad in the money, before the shows.

I looked upon the faces of the people who soughed after these kinds of advice and was curious to know what they thought would happen if they really knew.

I would practice during the day with the other men, and sometimes walk along the streets, with the others sightseeing and enticing the outsiders to come and see our shows.

But there was always a feeling I had inside.

Every time I would walk along a new city or town I felt like I was searching more then just looking over the new place.

Until that fateful afternoon when I came upon a small boutique. I felt the urge to go inside. The window dressing showed a display of sculptures all depicting nudes of women. But inside I could see the red and black of a large canvas.

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><p><strong>So yeah, what do you think?<strong>


	25. Chapter 25

**Sorry for the long wait...I had work and I'm starting a new course in school...lots and lots of homework...So here you have a new chapter of former Deathward and now Gypsyward.**

**Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 25<strong>

As I entered the building, I felt a surge of longing and excitement, overtake my body.

The older woman behind the tall wooden desk asked if she could show me the exhibit.

I nodded at her, and smiled tentatively.

Her long brown hair, her light skin and her lightness of foot gave her an unearthly look. She wore a back shied dress and a bright green suit-jacket, her high-heeled steps echoed in the emptiness of the rooms.

I was guided through several white walls where canvases hung, all depicting dark half finished images.

All of the canvases where framed by dark wood with small faces and dark images coming out, like seeking asylum.

All the images in the canvases...I couldn't explain...I held my breath as I walked down the corridor...They were a little disturbing in they're beauty.

A sneering smile, with blood red lips

A pair of bone white hands, gently caressing a child's cheek.

A hooded figure angled towards a sleeping form.

A gray figure dissolving in to dust as a small delicate hand caressed the forehead.

A pair of bloodied wrists on a deep blue swirling background.

A pair of dark eyes, half a temple and part of a nose, likes a close-up.

A nude shoulder and strands of dark hair half covering the pale skin.

A pair of nude feet, half shielded by black clothes.

A figure swirling with lines like movement, and an open window.

A half of a canvas in dark rich colors almost overlapping together and the other half completely blank.

Suddenly the woman turned abruptly.

"These are her new ones", she said softly as she extended her hand to her left with a smile that seamed almost proud.

I walked to meet her, but I was startled by the sound of my father and his distinctive whistling.

"Thank you, I must go. May I come again?", I said hurriedly as I walk back to the entrance of the building.

"Would you like to meet the artist? Tomorrow, Maybe?"she asked hopeful.

"Yes". I said in a daze.

As I walked out of the building I was met by my father's curious eyes. I hesitated a little in the sidewalk, and turned catching the female figure inside, her eyes never leaving my retreating form.

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><p><strong>Send me some love and I'll post a teaser over at my tumblr page.<strong>

**lovelybrunett1606(.)tumblr(.)com**


	26. Chapter 26

**Twilight is not mine. We all know who owns it and owns us by writing it.**

**Hi, Sorry, I had a really hard time, writing this week and I was feeling kinda sad... I almost decided to take this story down. I love writing it, but I haven't had that much feed-back (I love my reviewers, thank you so much for taking time to write about what you feel about this) but I decided to suck it up and keep going... So here I am... **

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><p><strong>Chapter 26<strong>

The strong strums of the guitar, accompanied with low humming of his voice, and the low lights of the candles flickering around the makeshift stage, created an entrancing atmosphere.

The sounds that have always felt comforting during my life, now make me anxious and overwhelmed.

I watch my father, as he creates the rhythm and my mother follows and creates the dream of emotions that range from betrayal, sorrow, longing, death and grief.

The songs that have always accompanied my mother are always with tales of abandonment, pain, and suffering, her happiness or as she always says the beginning of her life had always been when she saw my father for the first time, outside a bakery during a dreary and rainy day.

**He was sitting under the shade of a potted tree, strumming his guitar, with his hat on the sidewalk, with a few coins in it.

It was a sad sight, but his beautiful voice was what I loved about him. His eyes the color of moss, and his hair was dark with the rain and slicked back.

A stared at him listening to his music under the cover of a near by bookstore –where I had stoped because of the rain; he would lift his face every now and then when someone would tose some change in his hat. It looked as if he was praying; his features where angular, stong, and very male, he was beautiful.

So I walked with a purpose in my soked clothing -not carring that every step I took a squeak could be heard and I dropped all the bills that I had in my small purse. He looked my way to thank me, but his words died in his thought.

He stood and smiled at me, and that's all it took. We where in love.

Until that day on, we where never far from eachother

All I knew was that I loved him and since I had no one he became my love, my family my world…

You see, I was an orphaned and a few weeks before that day, I had turned 15 and was asked to leave the institution, I was given money that I had earned while in Sta. Maria de los Ninos.

So I had little but the clothes on my back and a small carpet-bag that was left by my mother before she died.

I had no memories of her, but knew she had loved me. So when I left the sisters, I knew that I had to sustain myself, by working.

The day that I saw your father, I had decided to look for work at that same bakery, I knew how to bake since the sisters had been very loving and had showed us all to bake desserts and such to sustain the orphanage, I also loved to cook so I had decided that if the bakery did not want me, that I would look for other employment at a café down the road. I eventually did find work, but when Jairo's family decided to leave the town, I had to make a choice, and I knew I could never be away from your father. I was happy that his family understood his love for me and they where welcoming even if I was an outsider.

So, I ran away with him…***

That had always been my bedtime story even before I could speak. I knew it by hart. I loved that story.

When I saw how loving they where with eachother, how my father always called her: -"meu cel, meu vida"-, her eyes always answered him, it was like they had there own language, that they could speak with there eyes.

So I always knew that I wanted what they felt for eachother.

I wanted there kind of love.

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><p><strong>Please review!<strong>


	27. Chapter 27

**Twilight is not mine.**

**I'm sorry that I haven't posted in days... I had been posting this story a chapter a day, but since RL is totally kicking my but I had been a total fail.. BUt here is a two for... to make up for the lack of new chapters... Hope you enjoy and leave me some love.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 27<strong>

That night I didn't play with them.

I took my guitar and sat not too far from the tent where the outsiders enjoyed the show and laid in the fine dewed grass.

I lit a cigarette and looked up at the heavens as the stars guarded my thoughts.

When I'd been laying there for sometime, my mind started to drift.

The paintings I had seen this morning.

They where quite intriguing, and the more I thought about them, the more I wanted to know the person that had painted such haunting and beautiful images. There was sadness and a sense of loss, in all of them.

Then I remembered the woman saying that there where more -new ones.

I wondered why this person had painted such raw emotions.

The sense that there was a hidden story about the images was what was so interesting to me. I wanted to know it, to see it for myself, the why's and how's of how this person had painted such disturbing images.

What would posses him to paint that. I was a little distraught about the hands, they where almost violent, but at the same time so loving as they caress the small face. The more I thought and dwelled over the images they more it frighten me.

A shiver ran down my body, as I looked to the far end of the field where we had sat up camp.

A figure moved towards the far end, near the tents where we sleped.

I sensed the danger and stood instinctively ready to protect what was ours.

I had dealt with situations like this before, but never alone. The older men in our tribe had fought several times with outsider men that had hated us being in there towns, they called us rats, or parasites, because they thought that we came to entice there women and steal from them.

Of course we never did, our family pride themselves to be honest and hard-working. We never stole or even mingled with the town's people, so if others that had come through here had. Then they judged us by our predecessors.

I moved skillfully in to the shadows of the tents, I could make out the figure in the darkness, since my eyes had had time to adjust to the darkness of the night.

It moved swiftly and with purpose. I barely kept up with it's pace and followed it to the small caravan that held our beloved Nona Machuy -she was the eldest of our tribe, an old and feisty woman, a fortune teller, the real kind. She had an eye for danger, and she always warned us before anything got out of hand. She had been beautiful, and loved.

Her mother was of gypsy blood and a natural clairvoyant.

Nona Machuy had been the wife of the man that had started this tribe; she was our mother, grandmother and leader after his death.

We followed her advice and guidance.

So when I saw the figure stop at her door, I was alarmed. The instinct to protect her was overwhelming; she was like a second mother or more a grandmother to me. She had looked over me while I was young; she had spoiled me, loved me and had protected me from everyone when they had thought me strange.

She was loved by all.

A stood my ground as I called the figure out.

It did not turn, so I grabbed one of the logs stowed for our fires and stepped forward menacingly.

It never turned, it stood immobile, and only reached out its arm towards the door, I swung the log, with all my might, and aimed at it's head.

But before I reached it, my eyes blurred and I swayed on my feet and then….everything when black.

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><p>Sorry to leave this in a cliffy... reviews give me the will to go on... Did I tell you? I guess I didn't... Well the thing is that I love the people who review, and the people that put this story on alert... I love you all! I was about to ditch this story and just write it and not post it, but someone (you know who you are and I hart you lotz) convinced me about posting more. She said if you post it... they will come (the reviews) so here I am posting again.. Stay tuned for another chapter in a few minutes.<p> 


	28. Chapter 28

**Twilight is not mine.**

**I hope this clears up some things... But it keeps you here trying to find out more.**

**Enjoy**

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><p><strong>Chapter 28<strong>

-"What happened"- my mother's voice sounding worried.

I could feel her hands on my face and hair.

-"He seams to have fainted"- The voice of Leopold, one of the bullfighters.

He was strong and ever the protector of our tribe. -"I found him like this; I didn't see anything or anyone near him. I think we should call Nona Machuy, maybe she will know what is wrong with him"-he too sounded worried.

At the name of Nona Machuy, I woke with a start, and disoriented as I was my first instinct was to fight, so I tighten my grip on the log I had swung before and prepared to fight.

I was held back my Leopold's arms, and my father stood close to my front, holding me carefully as my mother took the log.

-"Calm, meu cel"- he whispered in my ear. Like he used to do when I cried as a boy.

I relaxed to his embrace and the tears started to flow.

I knew even before they even saw her that she had past.

She was sitting in her comfortable chair, with a book on her lap, and her eyes closed. Her arms where crossed as in defiance but the picture of Papa Samuel was between them. She was a stubborn old woman; she was here, defying heaven, and nature and death…..

Death...

I walked slowly with the help of my mother, having her with me was comforting but still she could not understand the felling I had when I saw the dark figure.

I could never tell anyone about it.

It was too frightening to retell.

I saw the moment it took her.

It was here for her.

Death…

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><p>More tomorrow... God-willing!<p> 


	29. Chapter 29

**Twilight is not mine.**

**Hi everyone!**

**Here is a new chapter...Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 29<strong>

A few months passed after rituals and ceremonies of our people, for our beloved Nona Machuy.

We had a grand fest, in which we at as much as we could. We drank until we could not stand, and we sang until we could not be heard.

Yes, we all did.

The funeral ceremonies where to celebrate the life of our dead, we cared for them in life we loved them and now we asked our Lord to grand them passage to paradise by singing as loudly and as reverently as we could the songs of our land, honoring and preying to Him.

So after we bid farewell to our beloved Nona Machuy we gathered our things and left to our new destination.

Our journey was sad, since we now carried the ashes of our Nona with us. We would make the travel back to her homeland where Papa Samuel's ashes had been scattered, so that they could be together in the afterlife.

During the following days I dreamed every night about the figure. At first it frightens me, and I would wake drenched in sweat and the anguish in my chest would close the passage of breath to my lungs making me gasp for air. I was disturbed and silent most of the time. Would not play my guitar, I did not want to speak to anyone.

I would sit on the back of the truck by myself and write in the journal that Nona Machuy had once given me.

I wrote about my feelings, the way the figure moved as if gliding swiftly. I wrote about what it meant, what I thought it meant what I had seen.

The darkness of the night, and the constant monotony of the sound of the wheels on the road, lulled me to sleep most nights, but the figure would appear again, and I would be gasping awake before long, and not wanting to close my eyes again.

The most disturbing thing was that at some point during the several months it took us to get to Andalusia; where we knew that the people had shone Nona and Papa, since he had stolen her at a very young age, and also since she was the daughter of the governor and was betroth to one of the richest men in town.

They story always changed everytime Nona told it. We all knew the place where she had come from, we knew about there love, but what we didn't know was that her own mother had warned her about Papa Samuel.

You see all the women in her family poses a certain foresight, some could feel the weather, and others could tell the real feelings and true self of others.

And then we had Nona's mama, she was a real clairvoyant she could tell the future, but since these kinds of gifts where shameful in the eyes of town, they where kept secret.

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><p><strong>More tomorrow...let me know what you think!<strong>


	30. Chapter 30

**Twilight**** is not mine nor it's characters, sadly!**

**Here's another chapter... Sorry for the delay I have a lot of work these past weeks, and I' preparing an Open Class... Yeah, I'm a teacher... to little ones...It's very demanding but fun work! Ok, So enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 30<strong>

Nona never admitted to having visions either.

Not until she meet Papa Samuel, back then he was 26 and she was only 14.

He had come from Cadaques in Cataluna, he was the son of a fisherman, and wanted to be a musician, he played the guitar and the piano, he was gifted.

So he took his very small inheritance and left.

When he came to a small town in Andalusia, he was looking for work. He entered a local hardware store and asked for employment. He was directed to the Rancheria of Sr. Mercado, a man with a fortune and multiple daughters. He had a butcher shop in town, and was well known so Samuel strode over Sr. Mercado and asked for work.

After several months of hard work taking care of the cattle in the Rancheria, he was tired of the type of work, he had decided that he would leave with the change of season, and move down to the coast, when he was told that there would be a celebration in honor of Maria de Jesus' birthday, she was the youngest of Sr. Mercado's daughters -a beautiful girl with deep green eyes and long black hair, her skin was kissed by the sun, since she loved to ride her father's horse in secret. She was too young to ride bear back but since she had a willful and wild spirit, she did as she liked and never listen to anyone.

That night, Samuel took in his hands for the first time in months his beloved guitar and decided to practice for some time, so that he could gift the young woman a song of his town.

After several hours of practice, he heard a little sniffle near him. As he turn he saw the young girl looking at him with red rimed eyes; she wore the simple clothing of a farm hand, her dirty boy pants where torn and the too big male shirt gave him the idea that she had no clothing of her own and had to wear her father's hand-me-downs. But still, she was beautiful and young. He did not know her, never seen her before. In all the months of work he had never seen her. Was she the daughter of one of the farm hands?

Or an angel come to listen from heaven.

He smiled at her, and she finally blinked out of her dazed and turns and ran from the small shack that Samuel had called home for 4 months.

Yes, it was all a dream, he thought. She wasn't real. She was too beautiful to be real.

So he thought it a dream and kept practicing.

After that he dreamed about her several times. Once while he was roasting under the demanding sun while he feed the calf's he thought he saw her riding bear back in a long flowing yellow dress.

Then after having walked several miles because the tractor had run out of fuel, he thought he saw her walking around the labyrinth garden in the back of the property. At this time he saw her walking with a young man, closer to her age.

That whole day his temper flared and he snapped at all who approached him. There was something going on with him, but he still didn't know what was happening.

Until the night of the celebration.

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><p><strong>What do you think! Do you want some more? Let me know!<strong>


	31. Chapter 31

**Twilight is not mine**

**Hi everyone... I know it's a little confusing... Hang in there I promise there will be some juicy stuff for you soon...**

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><p><strong>Chapter 31<strong>

The day of the celebration was a whirlwind of excitement and movement at Maria de Jesus' home or Machuy as her family called her.

Her mother had traveled to the capital to buy all the sisters new dresses, since aside from Machuy's 15th, birthday party, they would be announcing her engagement to the young and handsome Manuel Alberto de Castilla y Becerra, the only son of the other rich family in Andalusia, and since money married money to have more money, they had been promised to eachother since before there birth.

Machuy had been reluctant to even see her future husband, so the first time she had the chance to meet with him, she did the unspeakable. She talked non-stop. Of course young women never spoke unless spoken to. So this in the eyes of the young Manuel was a very bad sign.

He looked upon her like a little parakeet that could not be tamed. He had to entertain the fact that maybe she was nervous but after there walk in the gardens, he knew that she would not be his perfect match.

He was cold, and distant, he loved his horses and his hunting, but care little about books and conversation. Unlike Machuy, he didn't care for art, or music, he saw it as frightfully dull and boring.

So the only thing they had in common was there love for riding and the care for horses.

Not a match made in heaven, she thought.

The night of her party she was coiffed and pampered, dressed in the riches silk her families money could by. Her hair had been left down but intricately styled to look as if she wore a crown, she was beautiful, a vision.

When her father announced her presence, everyone clapped in unison.

She should have been happy about the announcement, she was getting a handsome and rich man to marry her, but her hart wasn't in it. It had been given freely to the man playing a lamenting song, over at the worker's apartments. She saw him and it was love at first sight. His wheat blond hair, and his deep blue eyes, where burned to her hart. She was in love with him without ever spoken to eachother.

So while she danced with her future husband to the band music, she never thought she would see him again.

Manuel awkwardly spined her and she came face to face with the man that had been staring in her dreams for the last 3 weeks.

She walked away from Manuel leaving him on the dance floor, as her father stood furiously.

As she approached Samuel, he offered her his arm, and they left to the gardens…

Weeks later after a grounding for Machuy for behaving improperly and a beating for Samuel for having the audacity to even speak to the Patron's daughter who was engaged to be married; they left during the night as her family slept.

Of courser her mother never even blinked… She had seen that this would all take place, she knew Machuy's hart was with Samuel and she understood and wanted her daughter's happiness.

So when they came back 25 years later as Samuel was dying -her mother now ill too, she welcomed them and asked her to stay. But after Samuel's and her mother's death, she left again with her tribe – she and Samuel had created a makeshift family from runaways and outlaws, all where talented people looking for a home or a family.

So Samuel and Machuy where there surrogate parents and since she never had any children of her own, they where hers. She missed them too much. So she journeyed again with the tribe.

And now we take her back to have her ashes scattered half in the workers apartments where she first saw him and the other half on the labyrinth garden where they swore true love to eachother and kisses for the first time. As are Papa Samuel's ashes.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading, reviewing and favoring this story, it really means a lot to me!<strong>


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

As we decent thought the mountains to get to the town, I feel my hart race. I don't know what's going to happen, but it feels like I'm going thought a tunnel descending at a very high speed. My hart feels like it wants to beat out of my chest. The scenery is beautiful, the white houses and the endless green fields are a sight to remember.

My father tells everyone that he we will know take a break since we've traveled for hours with out stopping. I get of the cab and walk around, I feel like I've been here before. It's not necessarily a déjà vu thing, it's more like a memory, like I lost or unwanted memory.

I walk down the road a little the sun beats high above us. I can fee the coast from up here. It's beautiful, it feels like we are closer.

The others have started to get out of the vehicles, and are all stretching the stiffness off there bodies.

I hear my mother complain about the heat, my father immediately brings out the old hand held fan and starts fanning some air to her face, always trying to help her, always loving her with everything he does.

Now that Nona Machuy has left us, we are orphans. My father being the eldest male of our tribe will serve as leader to the family. My mother being his spouse will serve as the caretaker. We haven't picked up any new people since before I was 12 so the couples and young people that make the family are all used to the traveling, most of us have been here since birth, so this is all we know.

I walk a little farther, and hear my mother call out my name.

-"Eduardo Antonio, please don't go too far"- I hear my father's deep voice telling her not to baby me too much. She complaints about my fainting and that she is still worried about my health. He distracts her by kissing her.

I hear Carmela's loud whistle when she catches them kissing. She is a little younger than my mother, she is also a performer; she was once a gymnast and ran away after an accident killed her parents, and had been send to live with an abusive uncle.

She's been with us since she was 17 and is Regulo's wife, they have an act together just like my parents do, and he is also a gymnast and contortionist. They are Leopold's parents, he was chosen for Sara, Maria and Stefano's daughter. Sara is a flamenco dancer just and was taught by my mother.

Maria is one of the fortune tellers and spiritual guide, Stefano is a bullfighter, they are a very strange family, they never argue, but also they never speak.

Sara is very quiet and Leopold is very much in love with her. He wants children but she thinks they are too young.

Then we have Angelica and Guillermo who are natural healers, they have knoledge of plants, and roots, and make special potions and elixirs to cure different ailments.

They had two daughters, who live with there husbands in Portugal, they married outsiders and left the family. Both Angelica and Guillermo where sad but they knew they had to have there own lives. They keep to themselves. They are quiet and very calm.

They are our personal doctors. There potions are very well received, and they are very good at diagnosing there patients.

And then we have the four brothers, Mario, Manuel, Miguel and Santino. They are all bullfighters and horse riders, they are not really bothers by blood but since the first "brothers" had lad left our tribe some of them by death others by love, So in keeping with the tradition of the act, this four brave men, became brothers in the act of bullfighting and acrobatics on horse. They are excellent entertainers; they are all married to two dancers and two singers. Amelia and Mario where meant for eachother, since the moment there eyes met, they where together. They cannot have children, but they are very happy that way. They are always the life of the party. Amelia has the voice of an angel, she was studying to become an opera singer but she left her home under very sketchy circumstances, she's never talked about her previous life and I doubt that even Mario knows her real past.


	33. Chapter 33

**Twilight is not mine.**

**I know that there are a lot of new names, and characters to this story, but please bear with me, soon you will get to know why this is happening...**

**New chapter.. hope you enjoy and stick around!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 33<strong>

Manuel and Olivia where very stubborn in there courtship, he was reluctant and she was totally in love with him since she saw him. Olivia was left at our camp one night and Nona Machuy raised her all by herself.

Olivia is a dancer and a very natural and graceful one. She wanted to train with a Spanish ballet academy. She had almost convinced Nona Machuy to let her go, but when Manuel thought that she would leave the tribe he immediately went on a wooing spree, he called upon her, every night for 3 months straight and before anyone could be the wiser they where married under a canopy in a beach in Mundaka.

All where so surprised to see Manuel smiling smugly as he wed Olivia.

Miguel and his Sofia where practically enemies when they meet, he thought her snobbish and not quite tribe material, he didn't want to do anything with her until…well until, he did. He told me once that love hits you like a wild bull. It leaves you exposed and black and blue but you always learn your lesson.

She is beautiful, graceful, and out of Miguel's league, she was a lost soul when we met her.

Guillermo had been shopping for ingredients for one of his famous elixirs in Mayorca while we where there and saw Sofia coming out of a restaurant stumbling drunk with an older man. He thought she was too drunk and this man didn't seam to have very gentlemanly intensions. She reminded him of Mariel his youngest daughter and he felt compelled to do something, help her. After following them for a few blocks, his suspicions where confirmed, the man tried to rape Sofia.

Guillermo got there in time, but not before he beat her with in an inch of her life. He took her to the local hospital but they send him away claiming they didn't treat street-walkers.

So the only option was to take her back to the camp. A few days later, Sofia told her brother, who also happened to be her pimp that she was leaving. He threatened her but Miguel went to her rescue, and beat the sleazy brother and welcomed Sofia to the tribe.

After a few months, they where wed. A few years later they had Julieta, and Jaime, a set of fraternal twins, and they both have Miguel's eyes.

Santino and Samantha. Yes they are the last couple to get together. Samantha is two years older then I am, Santino is the youngest of the brothers but he is 9 year older then Samantha. They are a calm and happy couple. Although they are not married yet, they live together and are almost never apart. They are very similar and very much inconspicuous with there affections. They are still very much in that honeymoon stage, they seam to be waiting, for something, I'm not sure what, but they seam to be in a holding pattern.

The seam happy, I thought that they would wed soon. But they don't seam to be in a rush like the other couples. They seam to be taking there time, I mean I've never seen –apart from the other couples- two people who compliment eachother so much.

So that just leaves me, I'm the odd man out, as I've said they are all paired up. But I don't feel left out. I have friendship, and brotherly love. I feel sad sometimes, because I know that they all think I will be leaving them. We are a close nit bunch.

It feels strange to know that there is someone out there for me.

I know there is.

I just have to find her.

**HER**!

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><p><strong>Send me some love... OH, Almost forgot.. Thanks to all the people favoring this story, it means the world to me... Hope you're enjoying my little ramble... **Smooches**<strong>

**Mel**


	34. Chapter 34

**Twilight is not mine.**

**OMG, I've been getting several hits and alerts, thanks to all...Hope you're enjoying the story... I know it's a little scatered, but it has a pourpose... so stick with me, OK?**

**Here is another chapter for you to enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 34<strong>

I walk down the road, taking in the scenery, inhaling the fresh air. I kept having that feeling, where I knew my destination, but I really didn't know why and where I knew it from.

I walked several minutes, and then it suddenly hit me. This was where I'd find it.

But… What?

So I walk.

I walk along the winding road, as the green blooming fields wound around the passage to the road.

I see the cattle and the big and small Haciendas that give way at the end of each field. I watch as the sun starts to color the sky in its orange and purple hues.

I walk; I take in all that I'm seeing. I fell like it's the first time that I will ever experience this and I will never see this again. I take in every last moment and every last color and categorize my emotions at this particular time and place.

And I feel… happy, but I am not content.

I want more.

But what else is there?

I look at my life as I walk down this dirt road -to God only knows where- and see the thread that is my existence.

All I come up with is that I've been a good son, a good friend and a good person. I know that I was put on this earth to be good. I've never strayed from what my parents and there teaching's path.

But still I do not feel content.

I come across a place where the dirt road becomes a crossroad, on one side the road is still dirt to the left. And there are country cottages and small peaks and valleys turning in to a pond.

To my right there is a paved road, with cobbled stones and you can see that this probably leads to the town, where civilization awaits.

I take the paved road, and keep walking, I come to a dip on the road and can begin to see the rush of the small town; everyone is walking faster, as if they are all late for something. I keep walking slowly with my original pace. I care not to be intimidated. I want my rhythm I want my pace to be slower.

I see a grand piece of land in the middle of the town's square, and I walk over to sit on one of the iron benches.

I can people watch here. I haven't done it in a while since my mother started to refuse walking the towns with us while we promoted the shows.

I can feel the sun on my back, and the slow wind cooling me. I walked for quite some time, and as I can tell it is already way past mid day. I close my eyes and enjoy the soft wind playing with my hair. The children are playing on a statue of man on horse back. They seam to be hiding beside it. I open my eyes to look at there smiling faces. But as I turn, a streak of shiny chocolate brown locks gives me tunnel vision. As I follow the wavy treads and with need that had come out of no where, I look over the woman that they belong to.

She is slight and curvy, she wares a long flowing sage-green dress, and her shoulders are covered with a short-sleeved sweater and on her small feet a pair of brown sandals.

My eyes follow her down the street where she enters a small dress-shop.

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><p><strong>So what to do you think? <strong>


	35. Chapter 35

**Twilight**** is not mine.**

**I have been very busy and very tired... Sorry for the lack of updates, so to make it up to you my lovely readers and reviewers I'll post twice!**

**So here you go!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 35<strong>

I move closer in the direction of the shop where she entered, I have to see her face. I sit there for hours. My eyes haven't left the door of that small store.

She hasn't come out yet. She must work there. I see others come and go, enter and then leave with packages and bags, but not my lovely brunette.

I see the position of the sun way back on the horizon, signaling twilight. I've sat here for hours; almost spend the whole day here. No one has come looking for me. And my lovely brunette hasn't come out of the dress-shop.

I feel my limbs stiff from the long wait. But I can't bear to take my eyes of the door of that small dress-shop. I feel like at any moment that I do, she will come out, and I will miss seeing her. I want to see her.

The day has gone, and I feel tired and hungry. My stomach grumbles in protest of my impertinence. I feel like a child waiting for candy and not getting it. I stretch my arms over my head. The vest that I wear and the long sleeved-dress shirt is dirty and sweaty. My boats are covered in dust from the road. I look a mess. I figure that they are probably waiting for me. They must have camped where I left them. They should have send Leopoldo or Santino to look for me. But still I haven't seen any of them.

I look to the sky for a few seconds rolling my head from side to side to help with my stiff neck. The shops have all now turned on there lights, the streets are illuminated by picturesque lanterns; the town square where I've been sitting is now lid by the spotlights on the statue.

I'm yawning and stretching and thinking about the long way I'll have to walk to get to the tribe when I finally see her come out of the store.

She stands on the sidewalk and the lights go out inside, her face illuminated by the small street light on the corner, she is beautiful, her long chocolate brown hair, frame her soft features, her eyes are almond shaped almost cat-like, her nose is straight and small and her lips are pouty and pink. She is a magnificent sight, my hart is beating fast, I feel the swelling in my chest, I stand on wobbly legs to go to her, and before I can reach her a tall man comes out and locks the door and puts a sweater around her shoulders, guiding her with his hand tentatively on the small of her back. It looks too personal, too intimate.

I follow there retrieval, and sit back on my bench.

Devastated.

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><p><strong>Thanks for taking the time to read and review. Love ya all<strong>

**Mel**


	36. Chapter 36

**Twilight is not mine!**

**Here is the next chapter as promised, I'm hopping to update on Saturday probably late (finger's crossed)**

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><p><strong>Chapter 36<strong>

That night, after I walked for hours, back to where the family had stayed, tired and defeated, I laid in my cot, trying to sleep.

The image of this beautiful woman was tattooed to my brain, I couldn't forget her, the way she moved, the long brown hair, the pale skin, her lips, her eyes. I felt like I knew her.

And so my dreams decided to betray me. Thinking that I would be dreaming of her. I woke with a start, and my body shook with the intensity of my nightmare.

I could still feel the snakes around my legs and the long legs of the spiders on my face. I could even feel the bindings on my wrist's and the helplessness that this dream brought. When I came out of the tent I noticed that I was the only one awake, so I gathered my clothing from the big case on the back of our vehicle and went to find some water to wash of me the dirt of the road.

A few minutes later the women had awoken and where starting the breakfast, they all helped eachother, and the meal was done in a few minutes.

We all sat around the campfire huddled up and enjoyed the cold morning.

The grass was dewed by the night's fog.

I was asked by my mother, about my whereabouts of yesterday, but since I was too tired and too depressed to tell her, I just shrugged and looked at the plate in my lap. As she proceded to scold me about disappearing from the camp side I just tuned her out.

I knew she worried about me, but at the moment I didn't feel like being reprimanded. I was too focused on how I would find this woman that had me enticed.

The morning was followed by our ritualistic family circle to decide on our next destination. Since we had to take Nona Machuy's ashes to there final resting place –scattered with Papa Samuel's- . they were all discussing our rout to wine down the country side. All where reluctant to come near the big cities. Our kind was not welcomed and since we had a lot of possible criminals in our mists, we had to find a commen ground for all of us to be happy with our journey. So we tried to stay away from big metropolis or too populated areas.

My father, traced a route on the families map and we where about to start the voyage to Nona Machuy's town when I got the sense of lounging, of anxiety and if I didn't act immediately I would be missing something very important.

Something that I could never find anywhere else.

I stood motionless on the campsite. My father noticed my stillness and came to me. His hands always trying to sooth me –where on my shoulders, he kissed my forehead and told me to go, "go and find her" he whispered to me. "Your song will bring her to you". Where his final words to me.

So I gathered my things without a word to anyone else. And started walking down the road to my destiny.

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><p><strong>Let know what you think :)<strong>

**Mel**


	37. Chapter 37

**Twilight is not mine,**

**Chapter 37**

I felt the sadness as I walked. I didn't want to leave them, but I knew that I had to make my own way.

I walked for a few hours and came back to the small town I had been to yesterday. This time I had formulated a plan.

I wanted to see her again.

I wanted to talk to her.

I wasn't going to think about the man with her, not until it was too close.

I came to a stop at the local market place and bought some apples and water. I paid with the little money I had been saving up.

I knew that I would have to earn a living, so I took out my guitar and sat on the well-cut grass of the small park and started strumming softly, getting a rhythm.

I closed my eyes and felt the warm sun on my face. The soft wind was cooling me even before I could get too hot. The grass under me seamed softer, not as prickly as I had experienced. The apples I had purchased where sweet and tangy but not too tangy.

After almost half of the day I had gathered more then enough to look for a place to sleep, something to eat and I would still have enough left over for some clothes. I felt accomplished, I felt like I could be my own man.

I wanted to find her, I wanted to see her. I was thinking of ways to get to her.

They day had almost passed. I was getting my things ready, so that I could start looking for a place to sleep, when I saw him.

He walked inside the tinny boutique again. I stood up quickly not wanting to lose him in the small crowed that was rushing, my eyes where fixed at the yellow door of the building. I waited for a few moments thinking that maybe he had come out of it without me noticing. Just as I was about to pick up my guitar-case and my large duffle-bag, the tall yellow door open and out he came holding several shopping bags. He stoop by as an older woman with long black hair and a fitted navy blue dress, high heels and a pair of sunglasses walked out before him.

The woman stopped on the middle of the sidewalk, and turned towards the park where I stood. She smiled and turned back to him.

He had been talking to her.

She streached her hand towards him, and pressed her palm to his chest.

The scene unfolded in front of my eyes. He took her hand and placed it in the crock of his arm. As they walked down the street, she kept her face forward with an estoic expression.

As they neared a long sleek midnight blue car, he hurried to get her door. She stood by looking around the street. When he caught her attention again, she turned and stepped inside the vehicle. He busied himself stowing the shopping bags in the back and hurriedly walked to the driver side.

I stood there stunned as he drove towards the end of the next street and turned back. When they passed closed to me I quickly turned but still caught a glipse of the woman seated on the passenger side. She had removed her sunglasses, as the car moved east, her eyes stayed fixed on me.


	38. Chapter 38

**Twilight is not mine.**

**Thanks for all your patients and undestanding on my horrible spelling... I hope this is not off putting, since this story is very close to my hart.**

**So here's another chapter for you!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 38<strong>

**Love is a very strange thing.**

**It can make you strong, or weak.**

**It can make you feel ****invincible or totally defeated. **

**It has the power to heal or to kill. **

**I've always wondered how people know when they're in love.**

** Or when they knew they had fallen in love. **

**Everyone has an experience with love, it could be the puppy love of young children that play at caring and then start to feel it, it's not as intense or less real then when you're older, and it's actually simpler.**

**That all consuming love at first sight is often confused by lust, it can happened at almost any age, I've seen it's affects and most of us have felt it. **

**There is also that intense all encompassing kind of love, where you can't even breathe if he/she doesn't look your way**** or let alone exist if you are not reciprocated.**

**There is also that special kind of love where you meet, get to know eachother, form a friendship and then suddenly it clicks and you know you can't live without that person. **

**And you never want to.**

**A lot of people see this as an escape, or a bargaining ship, others use it as collateral. But it's one of the essentials; some think it as essential as breathing.**

** Love is powerful.**

So when I saw her again I wasn't ready to believe, I had envision something so difficult, but it had taken me by surprise.

As I walked down the streets filled with houses and small picket fences and shinny cars, all I could feel was dread. I didn't want to be here. It was one of the things that always kept us on the outskirts of society or even civilization.

All of these people judged us, so in turn we stayed away.

The light yellow house with white shutters and the little bench on the lawn was cheery and predictable. I could hear the soft laughter of a child. I stayed there immobile until she came into full view. Her strapless long dress flowing in the soft breeze, her long mahogany mane, her skin glowing like a sea-pearl in the sun, the way she smiled at the young boy and touched his hair, was so gentile.

So loving she was.

It made me feel sick to think that I was just about to lure her selfishlessly and make her mine. Her face was beautiful, her almond shaped -deep dark eyes, her small upturned nose, the roundness of her face, and that small pouty mouth, was too much for me to stand.

I came into her line of vision and smiled softly at her. Her beautiful face glowed and she smiled back. We stayed there suspended in time, in an unspoken conversation, until the young boy took her hand and pulled her towards the house.

He tried but she was too dazed. We both turned suddently at the sound of a car door. And there on the small driveway of the house stood the older woman I had seen walking out of the small boutique in town.

The driver rushed over to her door, but she was already stepping outside the car, her eyes fixed on mine.

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><p><strong>Tell me what you think ;)<strong>

**Mel**


	39. Chapter 39

**Twilight is not mine but I do own a lovely new hardcover copy of On the Road, yes the hubs and I decided to read this book, bc we are both looking forward to the movie, and of course Kristen's performance. (Funny note: Hubs is reading it in Spanish, and I in English, every time he mentions something specific about the book I can't help but laugh when he says the names with a Spanish sounding accent or the authors comments bc they sound funny in Spanish.)**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 39**

She walked with a purpose towards me. The clicking of her high-heels resounded on the quiet afternoon. As she stepped closer towards me her eyes ran the lenghet of my body taking in the dirty clothing and my unshaven face. I knew I was attractive, but her gaze was undressing and I felt violated as she smiled at me.

-"Hello again, boy"- she purred.

-"I saw you before. Have you followed me?"- She came closer, too close. I could feel the heat of her body. Her gloved covered hand raised towards my check and if she hadn't been so close I would have heard her, when she whispered "beautiful".

Her words broad me out of my stillness and I stepped back distancing from her.

Her gaze was too intense; her perfume was too potent, her touch was wrong.

I turn to see the young girl on the lawn but couldn't find her, the door from the small house was open, but no one was there. The driver had taken all the bags from the car and walked inside, leaving this woman with me on the sidewalk.

I turn my attention back to her, she was smiling at me.

"Would you like to come in?" her smile was too friendly.

Where else would I go, the light was dimming and the sun had set several minutes from now, I had not found a place to stay and I was hungry. So I did the only thing that would lead me back to her.

I nodded politely. She slipped her hand in the crock of my arm and walked me to the house.

As we entered, I heard a light childlike voice whispering, and the male brusque but hushed tone. He was reprimanding her.

–"He'd better be ready, you know how she is. If he's not she won't be to happy with you, and you know what will happen…" He trailed of.

As we came into the folley of the large house, I could see her standing bear-foot with her head bow down. She seamed so fragile, helpless, I wanted to protect her. I wanted to take her away from his evil eyes.

Hearing the clicking of heals on the wood floor made him turn to the other room. She stood motionless, with her same posture of surrender.

-"Ivan, go and get my boy. Have his lunch for him, you'll be leaving to the country home"-. Her voice was demanding and unrelenting. He looked over at the young girl and whispered: -"You heard her Marie, go to it."- The young girl turned on her heal and walked towards a long corridor and disappeared behind a blue door.

**Well please let me know what you think!**

**Love**

**Mel**


	40. Chapter 40

**Twilight is not mine, wish I was that original! **Sight****

**Here is another chapter for you to enjoy.. Let me know if you want more!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 40<strong>

The night ran long. I sat at an impressibly big round table - the wood a deep chocolate.

The room we where in had white washed walls, and the ceiling and floor, the accents and the beams, all the furniture was this deep chocolate brown, the dining room/ living room was all decorated in the same color scheme, the green sage of the upholstered comfortable couches, and the long thick rugs, and the deep dark copper tone of the drapes on the windows, and the big pillows on the floor dubbing as seats and the linens on the tables combined they all held a feel of a Mediterranean chalet.

We ate a delicious dinner of freshly baked bread, a lasagna and proscuito, the wine flowed and the brandy lulled me in to this half dazed and relaxed state.

I wasn't comfortable being here, I really didn't know what I had gotten myself into. I just knew that if this girl - or Marie as she had been called was here, then I would be too.

Vivian my hostess was too relaxed to notice that the only people in the dinning table now where too stunned to speak, as she outrageously flirted, and kept touching my arm and shoulder.

Marie hovered around us, as if making sure we had everything but never joined us at the dinner table.

I saw her sitting in the kitchen on a stool with a small plate of fruit in her hands, her bear foot dangling and her face a mask of concentration. She was beautiful; I kept my eyes on her form, finding her small and slight, I could have guessed her age to be no more then 15 years, she was beautiful, young, she looked like everything that embodied what my hart was looking for.

As I remembered the feel of her lips, and the softness of her skin I was broth back to the conversation –that felt more like a monologue since Vivian was the only one that talked, and Ivan was more likely to grunt his responses, when I felt Vivian touch my arm again and make inappropriate comments about my features and physic, which only made Ivan stab his meal angrily and grunt his distastes at his wife's actions.

You see, Vivian seamed to want to keep me, so she took it upon herself to make me feel welcome, by offering me her home, I was lead earlier to a guest-bedroom where I took a long shower but not before Vivian's hands slid to my checks and she pressed her lips to mine forcefully.

I tried to smile, but the foulness of her breath and the aggressiveness of her actions, other than make me feel uncomfortable it only showed her desperation and her lack of restrain, since her little show was witnessed by Ivan.

But still my luck was turning, I pictured myself here, with her, she was beautiful -Marie, her name made me feel a tightness in the pit of my stomach, I had to know her, I wanted to be with her, since I had first seen her.

I was sure that she would be my one.

My feelings where too strong for this not to be right. So I had to act and find a way into her hart.

Vivian would be sending her away. I had little time to conger up what my plan would be. I needed to know where this country house was.

As I came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel I found Marie searching my duffle bag, startled at being caught, she pleaded that she was told to wash my dirty clothes.

I reassured her that she didn't have to bother herself with it. But she insisted.

Then she stood there for a few seconds looking at me, I coughed feeling embarrassed of her intense stare.

She smiled and blushed averting her gaze shyly. She quickly grabbed my dirty clothes and headed to the door, but as she crossed the room, I took her hand and stopped her. I felt the shiver all over my body. The heat of her skin made me braver and I pulled her towards me. Her posture was rigid as I stood in front of her. Her head bowed in servitude. I wanted to see her eyes; my hand gently touched her chin and lifted her face towards mine.

Her eyes where closed, I wanted to see it for myself. I wanted to see the emotion and intensity of the feeling I had for her reflected in her deep chocolate eyes.

But she didn't open them.

I knew she was frightened, but I wanted her.

I wanted to love her.

To worship her.

A leaned closer to her, bringing my lips to hers, as I kissed her soft lips I waited for a reaction, a sign, what ever it would be, a slap to my face for being so forward or her kissing me back giving her accept to my presumptuous attack.

I felt her sweet breath waived out and engulfed me.

I was hooked.

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><p><strong>So what cha think?<strong>


	41. Chapter 41

**Twilight is not mine.**

**I hope you guys are still with me... **

**Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 41<strong>

I wrapped my lips over hers, and gently suckled her bottom one; my tongue slid against it and probed her mouth.

My hands where in her hair, massaging her scalp, then softly sliding to her checks, turning her head to gain better access over her mouth.

My body had a mind of it's own – since never experiencing these feelings but recognizing them as lustful-, pressed it self towards hers, feeling her softness and those enticing soft but firm young breast against my chest send shivers down my spine again.

I wanted to touch her body, to make her say my name in pleasure, I wanted her scent on me, I wanted to taste her, to caress every inch of her soft skin and I wanted her to touch me too, but the only skin to skin contact was where my hands caressed her.

Her hands…Where are her hands? I could not feel them.

I slid mine own, over her neck and shoulders, down the length of her arms, to find that her hands only hung at her sides.

I couldn't feel a response.

I laced my fingers with hers, and brought them up towards my chest and place them there, but she never moved them.

I felt like I was forcing her, so I stopped.

Feeling ashamed of my actions, I moved back a little to gain control of my fervor.

But still there was no response in her.

After an eternity that was maybe 10 seconds her eyes finally open and the emotion in them almost knocked me off my feet.

Her anger was palpable.

And there where no words to describe how beautiful and how incredibly aroused I became at just one look.

Immediately her expression changed as if she had caught herself and knew that it was wrong to be angry.

And again I saw that vacate one returned.

I felt embarrassment but also a little frighten more for her…

What had they done to her?

What had made her be like this?

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><p><strong>What do you think?<strong>


	42. Chapter 42

**Twilight is not mine**

**Just a little more of what happend.**

**Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 42<strong>

I kept my eyes on hers, trying to see if maybe a flicker of emotion would return to them, but I was disappointed when she lean down again and took the bundle of dirty cloths that she'd dropped before I had practically attacked her.

When she closed the door behind her as she left the room I felt the chill of disappointment and the sting of rejection. That was an instant deflator to my raging hard on.

After, I sat at the edge of the bed for a few minutes thinking or more like processing what just happened.

After dinner Vivian suggested we take the brandy to the patio, where there was a living room set, with sumptuous couches, and a small wicker table, the earth tone colors of the upholstery where all matched to the decor of the inside of the house.

The freshly mowed lawn and the small swimming pool where illuminated by several strands of twinkling lights stringed over a long iron fence that housed a beautiful morning glory with tinny red flowers. The night was warm and the soft breeze gave a small respite from the heat.

I sat on the plumbed chair, as Vivian stretched her long lean body over the love-seat effectively making Ivan sit at the sofa in front of me.

They looked more like a mistress and servant then a married couple, her posture was regal as opposed to his which gave the illusion of servitude and complete surrender to her.

It seamed like she relished the position and power she had over him, and even though he didn't seam to submit to her willingly he still did it.

His menacing and disgusted gazes shot to me gave him away.

Our dinner conversation was a weaving story about there first meeting and the subsequent relationship.

After we had been sipping the brandy in the patio I felt like I was being interviewed for a working position.

Ivan kept his drink close, and drank heavily making his tongue loosen up but his posture kept it's rigidness, flaring his anger with every and any interest that Vivian took at my answers to her questions, as they proceded to ask about my family, my life, why I was there, what had broad me to there doorstep.

I vaguely told them about my family, leaving out that I had left them.

For some reason I didn't want them to know that I wasn't expected back or that the reason for my arrival and subsequent stay was Marie.

As the night drew on and the bourbon flowed, Ivan moved over to the loveseat that held Vivian's almost languid body and kissed her hand and bowing his head bid us good night.

As he walked towards the French doors he turned to me. I felt uneasy as he held me prisoner in his gaze for a few seconds, and then turned to look one last time to Vivian who didn't even acknowledge his departure.

I took a deep breath trying to calm myself, and feeling the effects of the alcohol in my system, not wanting to be a bad guest I decided that it was time to go.

Besides I didn't feel comfortable staying alone with her.

Her gaze was too intense, it lingered on my body way too long for it to be innocent.

The uncertainty that I had felt before as to stay or to leave was quickly dissolved when Marie came outside and took the bourbon glasses. Her posture tense as she passed next to me.

-Will that be all ma'm?"- In a very quiet voice she lean down to Vivian who was too relaxed to even look at her and just waved her hand for her to leave and draped her arm over her eyes.

I took that as my opportunity and followed Marie inside.

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><p><strong>Theories anyone? Comments? <strong>


	43. Chapter 43

**Twilight is not mine, but I do own a new copy of Cosmopolis (the novel, wish it was the DVD, so that I could jump all over Rob's sex scenes..UNF... Seriously does this man know what he does to us, with that voice and that natural sexines?)**

**Anyway, I'm feeling generous today so... OK the truth is that I'll be very busy all next week and I'm posting this today so that it doesn't seam like such a long wait. Also I've been told I think twice that you guys are confused... About what might I ask? Let me know in a comment or PM, I'll answer anything that doesn't give away the plot...Love ya all and now...**

** Read on and Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 43<strong>

The lights where off inside.

The only illumination was from the small light fixtures on the walls that glowed with yellow amber light.

She walked swiftly thought the hallways and down the 2 small steps that lead to the kitchen. She rinsed the wine glasses in the sink and proceded to place them in the dishwasher. Her small bear feet patted on the wooden floor, as she walked around the long breakfast bar and sat on one of the stools next to the kitchen isle that housed the stove.

I watched all of her graceful movements from the door way just waiting for her to either settle herself or notice my unashamed staring. But neither happened, her back was to me, and she fidgeted with the hem of her long dress and from time to time bit her cuticles.

She seamed nervous and contemplative. I didn't want to startle her, so I left the doorway where I was leaning against and quietly walked down the hall to the room I'd been assigned.

As I lay in the soft bed, I thought of her… Marie….. She was beautiful, her soft curves fit perfectly against mine, and her small frame was feminine and strong.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even feel the presence in the room.

As a pair of strong hands came down on my body with such force that I didn't even have time to react.

I was beaten and kicked with in an inch of my life. I fought back but he was too strong and had the advantage of surprise and the fact that I had been laying down, totally unaware of any danger.

I felt the pain shoot trough me as his fists connected with my jaw and my eye, then my chest and stomach. He jumped on the bed to finished me off with kicks to my head and stomach and pretty much anywhere that he could reach. I doubled over in pain and also to protect my head and face.

I knew who this was even if I couldn't see anything anyway since the room was completely dark. That staring contest before on the patio was a warning of this and Ivan was now completing his promise.

His territorial warming at dinner and after, had been now concluded.

At some point everything stopped.

The pain.

I felt myself drift away and I could see the bloodied body on the bed, and the dark figure imparting pain.

What stunned me the most was that Ivan was larger than I had seen him, he seamed taller and more muscular, his arms larger.

His fist connected to the body with such force that it feel to the side of the bed. Or I should say I fell to the side of the bed.

Ivan jumped down and before he could kick me again, a small figure wearing a long white dress held out her hand to touch his back.

As her small hand connected with his bear skin, he seamed to stop completely and doubled over in pain. My drifting self looked over as Ivan's body slowly but surely crumbled in dust to the ground.

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><p><strong>DUM DUM DUMMMMMMMMMMMMM!<strong>

**OK, sorry to leave you there. **Snikers****

**Tell me what you think by hitting that review button on the the bottom, let me know if your liking it or not.. **

**See you on Friday!**

**Mel :P **


	44. Chapter 44

**Twilight is not mine.**

**Sorry for the delay, I'm sick as a dog! Hope this gets to you. And to all the new readers, thanks for favoring and reading, hope you feel the need to review. And for the people still with me, Thanks!**

**Now enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 44<strong>

The light streamed strongly from the open curtains, the wind coming from the open window was moving them from side to side in a little dance. I was lying on my stomach and my whole body ached.

I could feel the blood caked on my lips and down my nose. My left eye was swollen shut. The ache in my ribs made it hard for me to breath.

I tried to move but soft hands on my nude back stopped me. Her quiet voce in my ear relaxed me. –"Don't move too fast, or you'll hurt yourself"- she whispered kindly.

The ringing in my head was making this seam like a dream as I slowly rolled over.

I heard rustling of fabric and then felt a cold cloth on my forehead and I closed my eyes in relief.

It was Marie, taking care of me. She was on the bed beside me, when I open my eye.

Her face was a mask of worry and I could feel hesitation in her touch.

She cleaned me careful of my injuries, she handed me two small pills and a cool glass of water to wash them down, she applied ointment to my bruises and some bandages to cuts –I was lucky that none where too deep to get stitches, all through this she never spoke, all she did was hum a little.

When she was about finished she looked into my eyes for several minutes, it seamed like there was a hidden emotion inside her soft dark pools, I could have guessed that it was more pity than anything else, I _was_ pitiful, I had practically barged myself into this situation thinking only with love in my eyes… OK maybe there was lust there too, since I had kissed Marie passionately with out her consent. I felt foolish now, seeing her here next to me, she must have been send by Vivian, or maybe Marie just felt sorry for me.

Either way she was here and it made me hopeful.

She stroked my hair, and I closed my eyes to rest, she touched my face and carefully leaned over and kissed my forehead several times. I felt her shift in the bed as she got up. I heard the soft click of the door and I let sleep take me again, wishful that the pain wouldn't came back again.

A woke with a start as I felt the dirt on in my nose, I could feel it thick on my face and body, caking on my still tender sweat-damp flesh and on some of the exposed injuries.

The wind had picked up announcing the end of summer and the arrival of autumn.

I felt the chill on my body and shifted carefully to stand and get to the window, but before I knew it, Marie walked bristly to the window and closed it carefully and drew the drapes shut, she then moved to my side, she carefully shifted the covers over me, and turned to the other side of the room, away from my view.

She came back shortly to my side with a small pile of clean fresh-smelling clothes, my clothes, which she washed. I felt embarest that she did my laundry, that after I practically assaulted her with my over-eager behavior she was still taking care of me, still looking over me and handing me clothes for me to wear. I sat up carefully, but she put soft pressure to my shoulder for me not to sit up all the way.

She unfolded a green undershirt and proceeded to dress me in it.

I smiled up at her and stroked her soft hand as she completely covers my torso with the cloth. I felt her shift a little away from me. So I took my hand away from her.

Still a little confused and dizzy from the pain, I lied back and rested and I watched as Marie cleaned the room.

She picked up my boots and places them near the bed, she quietly moved around as if floating, picking up all my things and placing them back in my bag. When she was finished I watched as she broad out a new pair of jeans, a black sweater and long coat.

I felt the dread.

I know what she is telling me.

I must leave.

I must leave her.

I close my eyes and think. I can't leave her here. But she is responsible for the little boy. But since Ivan beat me up for thinking I was moving in on his territory with Vivian, I have to go.

He'll kill me if I stay. I think….

Wait…

He could have killed me; he didn't have any intension on stopping, not before…..

Marie…

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><p><strong>Surprise... there will be another one today!<strong>


	45. Chapter 45

**Twilight is not mine**

**Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy this too!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 45<strong>

Marie….

As soon as I think her name everything comes rushing back.

She touched him and he turned into dust...

Ashes…

He turned in to ashes…

Did I dream about this?

Was I hallucinating from the pain?

I saw myself on the bed, while Ivan kicked the shit out of me. I had to be hallucinating.

That's the only logical explanation.

I hear the rusting of clothes and the closing of a zipper. She is still her.

But…

Why?

I listen to her. But don't dare open my eyes. She did something to him. I'm still not sure what. I'm afraid but still curious as to what exactly happen. I can't ask her, she'll get upset. And I'm afraid to question her, now that she's been attentive and caring towards me, I don't want to lose this… Her… I don't want to lose her… the chance to even have her.

But what if I was imagining all of it? What if Ivan just stopped on his own, maybe afraid of actually killing me. I think he just wanted to teach me a lesson and have me leave as soon as morning broke, but since he really did a number on me, I can't even move.

I feel the tips of her fingers as she touches my check softly. –"I know you're awake Eduardo, Please look at me"-, my eyes fly open, or I should say my eye, because the right one is still quite swollen. –"How do you know my name"- I ask surprised and suspicious at the same time.

She shrugs and leans over me a little. As she smiles I get a chill up my spine.

-"I know you"- she simply states.

-"But how?"- I push a little further, her smile falters and she shifts herself on the opposite side of the bed, she brings her legs under her and looks over the room as if looking for some intervention, she twists her fingers on her lap.

And as if deciding to finally tell me she looks in to my eyes and practically wills me to understand.

I want to. To know all of her, to be told all her secrets, because I know she has them. So I wait it out, but she doesn't speak.

-"Marie, please tell me"- I soften my voice. Trying to appeal to her. Trying to will her too; to open up to me.

I get some answers but she doesn't quite tell me anything, she smiles and leans over to me I feel her cold breathe on my face, she shifts closer but not close enough, she hesitates for a few seconds but doesn't quite reach me, still.

She smiles anxiously and then swiftly kisses my lips.

Her kiss is careful at first, she pecks me several times, but then gets boulder and takes my bottom lip between hers.

Her lips are soft like I remembered from yesterday.

The only place we are connected is by our mouths and I want to touch her, but I know if I do she will pull away sooner, so I let her lead this encounter. I barely move my lips with hers, but before I know it I can't hold on too much longer and I open my mouth and wrap my lips against hers, I slide my tongue against her lips and she opens willingly and eagerly. I keep it light, stroking hers, she is learning, it's like I'm teaching her, like we are learning together.

She shift's again and I feel the warmed of her hands against my face, she softly strokes my checks mindful of my swollen eye and –I can bet, broken nose.

My hands have a mind of there own and stroke her arms, her shoulders her neck, and softly glide to her face.

My fingers comb between the chocolate strands that had me hypnotized since I first saw her and I feel the silken texture, I slowly bring her to me; urging her to straddle me, but she doesn't move. I start to feel the dizziness and the lethargy that the exertion provides. But it's stronger, I feel like I'm leaving my body again.

I feel her shift again but this time it's away from me. When our lips part, it's with a soft whimper from her.

Her eyes are a little sad; she looks away and gets off the bed. I watcher as she walks to the long dresser beside the closed door, there on top is my duffle bag and some other clothing that I don't recognize.

She returns to the bed with the soft looking black sweater, she smiles at me but it doesn't reach her eyes.

-"Here"- she offers the dark clothing.

I take it hesitantly.

I know, deep inside I know what this is.

But still everything about this is too confusing; I really don't know what she's thinking.

She barely speaks, she started being cold and distant and now she's kissed me of her on will, and handing me clothing, taking care of me.

Is she saying goodbye to me? Is she asking me to leave? I want to ask her but before my slow and very tired brain decides to she has left the room again, closing the door behind her.

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><p><strong>More?<strong>


	46. Chapter 46

**Twilight is not mine**

**Chapter 46**

-"Is he here?"- A low voice asks. I can here others in the other room. My mind is still foggy from the pain killers Marie has been giving me all through the day. She's feed me the most delicious food, and she's been very attentive and caring with me. Vivian is no where to be seen, I haven't even heard her voice, much less seen her.

Of course I've been asleep all day. I feel better now, I still don't know what happen, I don't know what's been going on outside my room. A few hours ago before Marie came in to bring me some more pills I could hear several cars and lots of noise approaching. I really don't know how long I've been asleep. I don't know what day it is or the time.

I can see through the window that it's night. The full moon shines high, letting the dark room be illuminated in silver light.

I move my arms experimentally, I'm still feeling a little soreness on my ribs, but my stomach is feeling better. I'm warm and feed, I'm comfortable and clean. I can smell the soap on my arms and chest. She must have cleaned me.

I still don't know what's happened but I trust her. Marie has done nothing to change that.

-"We know he is here. Take us to him"- A familiar voice asks. My mother, I can hear the concern and anguish but still she masks it with authority.

I try to sit up, but the pain shoots through me like a blade.

-I'm sorry but I don't know who you are referring to. I have never seen him, I live alone"- I hear Vivian's voice for the first time in hours or maybe days. This surprises me, the infliction in her voice sounds robotic, rehearsed, and detached.

I'm angry that she won't let them see me. I try to speak but I have no voice, my throat is like a desert. I hear the shuffling and the footsteps. They are leaving… No, they can't, they must take me away with them. I try to stand again but the pain is too much for me. Tears run down my face, I close my eyes in desperation, my fists clench in exasperation at my weak body. I turn my head to my left to see if I can find something to throw against the door so that they can hear that I'm awake, so that they insist on seeing me, but I can't find anything on the bedside table.

I roll myself gasping for air at the pain that this movement provides, and try my voice again. As soon as I call to them, Marie swiftly moves to my side as if an apparition.

She was here; she was in here with me while I needed help. Is she holding me here? Is Vivian holding me hostage?

I feel her warm hands against my face; I can see her dark eyes clearly. She's been crying, they are two pools of despair.

She whispers to me, hushing me and at the same time helping me move carefully. She's stronger then she looks because in no time she has me sitting up on the bed again, she's propped me with pillows and has the covers over my legs again. I still feel the pain in my ribs, in my shoulders and head, but her touch is soothing and her humming has me dazed again.

I hear the doors close far away, the footsteps on the stone walk outside leading to the street, she sits beside me stroking my face and neck, soothing my apprehension, making the anxiety leaves my body. I feel her shift slowly that the bed barely moves, and she is kneeling on the bed facing me.

-"They will be back for you, I know it. She won't let you leave her, she is afraid of them finding out what he did and of what transpired."- She whispers to me, stroking my hands and leaning down to kiss my checks.

So she is keeping me here against my will, I think to myself. Before I can even articulate this question she leans closer to my ear and whispers –"Yes"- her face crumbles a little, she is sad for me, or for her.

I don't want to be here, but I don't want to leave her here either.

She smiles at me a little. She takes my right hand in both of hers and rest's it against her warm check, I smile at the gesture but I'm still a little distraught about what she's told me.

-"I'm still trying to find us a way out."- She whispers again. I see the hope in her eyes, she wants me too.

–"Yes"- she smiles again, and leans closer to kiss my lips.

I want her too, but not here.

–"I know, meu cel".- she smiles at me.

She moves to stand but I tighten my hold on her hand, she turns to me and smiles again. She seams determined now, I can see it in her stand. I see her shifting her eyes all over the room, as if thinking. She reluctantly lets go of my hand and leaves the room.

I smile to myself. She wants me too. She feels for me too.

Slowly I sink in to the bed, and in my love haze I start devising a plan to leave here with her. I still can't move, let alone walk or fight if I had to. I'm thinking that we should slip away at night. Maybe in a few hours or maybe I'll tell her to bring her things here and then we can go out the window. Since I'm on the first floor and the house isn't too wide, maybe we can slip through the fence.

Maybe Marie must know how, she must have a plan too.

I start imagining us running away, and exploring the world together, we can catch up to my family, I'm sure my parents will welcome us with open arms. Seeing as she is very special to me, they will love her because I do.

And I really do, I love her. I feel it when I touch her; I feel it when I look at her. But will she stay with me? Does she love me?

These questions run around my dazed brain, there are others that are too hidden behind this worry.

I feel like I'm missing something, something important. Like if I know it but it's too fogged up.

And then it hits me, like Ivan's right fist against my face.

She heard what I was thinking…

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><p>OK, so I'm leaving it there, but don't worry I'll try and update soon!<p>

Love ya **Smooches**

Mel


	47. Chapter 47

**Twilight is not mine.**

**Here's some more!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 47<strong>

The household is still.

I can hear the dripping of a faucet, the humming of the refrigerator, the ticking of the big clock in the living room.

All is quiet.

I try to move again. And this time I succeed with out screaming or crying in pain. I move my arms and legs trying to stand, I feel the pain in my back and chest where he kicked me. I must have broken ribs or maybe just cracked. My eye is still swollen, but I can open it a little. I'm not as dizzy as I was before. I'm still trying to figure out how she could know what I was thinking.

Or was I really speaking to her?

How could she hear me since I couldn't hear my own voice?

Was she reading my lips?

All these questions where running through my mind as I prepared myself to leave. I walked slowly limping to the in suite bathroom. Leaving the lights out, I relived myself after a very long wait that it almost felt painful.

The cold tiles against my feet made my body awaken more, I limped back to the bed, but first I took the clothes from the dresser near the door. The dark jeans felt cool against my skin, the black socks where comfortable, and warmed my feet.

I dusted my boots with a small rag beside the bed and leaned carefully to put them on. When I was done tying them up, I looked around for the black sweater that Marie had broad me. Not finding it on the bed or on the bedside table I carefully stood, knowing that it would be cold outside so I had to find it, and be ready.

I was still undecided as to ask her to leave with me or just make a run for it. She was confusing and a little frightening, her smiles gave me chills but at the same time they where warm and caring, I felt her love coming from her, the felling of belonging when she touched me.

I wanted her but at the same time I was afraid.

Was this love?

How could I really know?

The moment I saw her I knew that she was the one. My father had said that my song would bring her to me, I hadn't played for her yet, she hadn't heard me yet.

I was drawing at straws when I felt a sudden chill and the movement caught me by surprise. She had been in here with me, all this time. Was I so unobservant that I hadn't noticed she'd been sitting on the large chair in the corner?

Her legs where incased in a pair of jeans, her feet where in a pair of black boots.

As she stepped to the light coming from the full moon I could make out the long back hooded coat that she wore, in her hands was the black sweater that I had been searching for.

Handing it to me, she pulled down the hood of her coat and smiled at me.

–"We should go, before she hears us."- she smiled again, making me feel a little uneasy.

-"Yeah, we should… But how?… Where?"- Surprised that my voice was back I pulled on the sweater. She moved to the small closet near the chair she had just vacated and opened carefully the sliding doors, bringing out a long men's coat similar to the one she wore.

I pulled it on, it had a distinct odder, I could make out the incense and callalillies or maybe marigolds.

She drew the hood up covering my head and stood on her toes to kiss my check.

–"Perfect."- She breathed.

She walked to my duffel bag and slung it across her shoulders, as she turned I could see that she was also carrying a small red messenger bag, the red strip crossing her chest, it made her look so intimidating.

She opened the window and climbed outside, the grown bellow was too close that I could easily see her.

I stepped near the ledge of the window and looked back around the room trying to see if I had left anything.

-"Come on, she'll hear if where not quick."- She whispered.

I willed my achy body to move faster and climbed out the window; she took my hand and led me to the front of the property.

The adrenaline was making my blood pump faster that I could barely feel pain. I felt strong and determined, I wanted to protect her, she was mine, and she had made sure of that when she decided to leave with me.

-"Yes"- she breathed quietly.

Smiling up at me as we made it to the front steps of the house, we stopped to listen for Vivian or Ivan, but there wasn't any movement or noises.

Taking the lead now and walking to the front gate to punch in a code, she stood still for a few seconds looking up at the top windows, I wasn't sure if she'd seen anyone looking at us, or if she was just saying goodbye to her home.

The beeping of the alarm deactivating was too loud in the quiet night. I cringed at the thought of anyone hearing it.

The door was unlocked and we walked out. She put her arm around my waist and we slowly walked down the road that had taken me right to her, just a few days ago...

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><p>Thanks for reading!<p> 


	48. Chapter 48

**Twilight is not mine.**

**I was thinking about this chapter and the ones next and I haven't gotten to write a lemon. I was pretty sure that I had promised lemons… So I'll probably surprise you on the next one… We'll see….**

**Meanwhile, enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 48<strong>

Slowly but surely she took me away…

Before I knew it we where sitting on the sidewalk of a lone street. She smiled at me I could see the excitement in her eyes, she was careful and tender, saying encouraging words as we walked. –"Just a little farther…We're almost there"- she would say, that chilling smile never leaving her lips.

When we finally took a rest here in this sidewalk, she helped me down to the cold concrete and stood to the side I could still see her form a few steps behind me. She put the duffle bag next to me so that I could rest my head on it. I let her arrange me and after carefully doing so, she moved away from me, I took her hand not letting her go but her eyes where pleading and loving.

I was hesitant to let her out of my sight I had started to protest about it, but she hushed me and told me that it would be alright. Kissing my lips and then my forehead she moved away and I heard the shuffling of her feet as she walked into the alley.

It took her a few minutes but when she came back to me I was aching and cold, the painkillers' affect had turned dull and ineffective because of the cold night, and the place I rested on. I was starting to feel unsure if she'd ever come back, but I heard her foot steps and turned to see her walking out of the alley smiling at me.

She approached kneeling next to me. –"They'll come soon, you'll be able to rest when we get there"- she whispered against my check as her lips kissed and brushed softly against my cold skin.

She put her arm around me and her hand started to caress my hair, I moved the duffle bag to the other side of her so that she could rest on it, I lowered my head to her lap and she kept her calming caress against my hair. She slowly lulled me in to a calming state.

I closed my eyes feeling a lot better.

And as she had said a few moments later a red beat up truck with a tall dark skinned man and a redhead with almost translucent skin, drove next to where we sat. He looked over us but it was as he hadn't seen anything, he leaned back against the head rest of his seat and closed his eyes. The redheaded woman sneered at us and kept her eyes on Marie's they kept eye contact until, we slowly moved to the back of the truck.

We lay in the back of the truck on a dirty mattress, Marie always thinking, opened my bag and out came a large black blanket, which she used to cover us up, and we laid there together under the heavy black material.

A few moments later, the engine started and we where moving.

The movement was painful, I felt every lump, every pothole and every dip and gravel and stone that was on the road, she kissed me to keep me quiet, she slipped her warm hands against my checks and kept her mouth on mine for most of the journey. It kept me calm and preoccupied from the aches and pains of my condition.

I felt the car jolt in to a stand still. And knew we'd be getting out.

We waited a few seconds and then she sat up, taking the blanket quickly from our bodies, the exposure to the cold wind made me shiver but I was set in motion by her quick movements.

She stood and took everything with her as she jumped from the cab gracefully landing on the sidewalk where the truck had parked. I sat up slowly not sure of where we where, but the glowing green light of vacancy gave me a clue.

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><p><strong>Reviews=Love, Love=happy writer… Just saying. LOL<strong>


	49. Chapter 49

**Twilight is not mine!**

**Here is a short one! Hope you enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 49<strong>

We moved swiftly and quietly in the hallways, she seamed to know where she was headed as she pulled my aching self over to one of the doors marked with a 6 on the door.

When she touched the wood of the closed door, I thought to myself if she had really rented the room like she'd said she did, I was reluctant to enter thinking that we where unlawfully here.

The door open when my eyes set sights on the contents of the room and I was no longer aware of any discomfort or preoccupation of the motives or circumstances about this situation when I felt the softness of the welcoming bed to my tired body.

I laid there for what seamed hours, my clothes where removed for me, the light from the bathroom woke me, the soft humming was lovely.

She was in there; I could see the movement of her arms and the sway of her long hair.

The soft supple of her backside was in my view, I could see her long slender bear legs, her back was arched as her hands held a red comb that smooth the mahogany long locks that brushed down to mid back.

I tried to sit up and go to her, but as soon as my feet hit the floor, she turned to me, her eyes, two wholow and dark holes, her face a deadly sneer and the shrike that followed turned my world upside down and the darkness took over.

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><p><strong>It's getting creepy!<strong>

**We are actually half through this story... If you're still with me, let me know... If you have ideas, questions, comments hit that little review link on the bottom.**

**Mel**


	50. Chapter 50

**Twilight is not mine!**

**Here is more!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 50<strong>

I awoke with a start. I was lying on my back, the covers where tangled on my bear legs, the exertion of the frightening dream had made my body slick with sweat and my hart was trying to beat out of my chest cavity.

The soft humming coming from the bathroom startled me further, this seamed like the start of my nightmare. I heard her chuckle a little as she turned to meet my eyes.

-"Eduardo, have you been peaking?"- She smiled a little, but this time it was soft and sweet.

I was beginning to think that since I was still a little out of it, maybe from the incident and all the meds I'd been inhaling like candy for this god-awful pain, I could be imagining all of the weirdness.

I wanted to believe it. I think I didn't have a choice here. Now that I was alone with Marie.

I smiled apologetically to her, and held out my hand for her to come to me.

Eagerly she complied and climbed on the bed beside me. She wore a dark tank top and a pair of boy shorts, her long legs where smooth and silky to the touch, as I stroked her knee down to her ankle and smiled hazily at her.

She seamed to be OK with this intimate touch; she wasn't freezing up or moving away from me. Instead she leaned closer and kissed my lips without hesitation. Then she slowly moved away.

-"You should clean up, would you like some help?"- She asked expectantly. But I felt embarrassed that after all that had happen she was still taking care of me.

I moved to stand from the bed and thanked her; I walked into the bathroom and closed the door, just then a deep pain in my head broad dizziness and nausea. At that moment everything clicked, I remembered the feeling I had before entering this place.

There was a sense of desperation, a sense of awareness, but I didn't know of what...

I felt as if this place was calling to me, that it held secrets that I had to discover.

I looked into the full length mirror thinking that I would find myself beaten and still battered from Ivan's attack, but to my surprise there was no indication left of what I had suffered.

My face was clear of bruises; my eye was back to normal, even my lips that had been split in several areas, where as if nothing had happen. My chest was clear and smooth, there where no welts or imprints from the kicks.

Startled to find all of this I was about to go to Marie and ask when a sharp pain in my head broad me to my knees. I took a deep breath and tried to compose myself.

I crawled to the sink and finding there a small blue plastic cup, I filled it with tap water and drank it all greedily. I sat on the toilet seat as I turned the hot water in the shower.

As I bathed I could feel the pressure in my head, she was near, I could feel her presents, trying to fix this, she wanted to hide everything, but I still didn't know exactly what. The pressure was to much, I had to talk to her.. or leave, I didn't think this would bout well with her, I had to go and I had to let her go. I washed my hair massaging my scalp, trying to release the stress of this situation, I washed my body that now seamed completely healthy but still it was something there on the surface of all that was happening that I still couldn't get.

Why were we here? Why did she seam to make everything better?

I didn't know how much time I'd been thinking when I felt the sting of the cold water on my skin. I guess it was time to face her.

I had an idea of what she was but it all seamed too fantastical. I was afraid of what it meant to be with her, I opened the glass door and took the towel drying myself as slowly as I could, stalling as much as I could to think…But what was I supposed to think… I knew I loved her, that I would give up everything for her, but if she was with me it would mean that I would lose. And being here, this place held something that I couldn't yet know. There was something about this place. Her presence here seamed more real to me. She wasn't what she seemed. I kept grasping at thoughts quickly but still there was nothing concrete that uncovered secrets.

I heard her soft knock bringing me out of my endless and at times disjointed thinking. It was where it all started; I felt the surge of fear and excitement.

I open the door to her and there. The rush of emotion, dislodge a series of memories once buried in the depths of my brain. Soft warm rosy checks on a small too fragile face, small dimpled hands waving and wiggling, the pink blood stained towel. The hard wood on my feet, the cold of the wall against my back, the soft body trashing on the dirty sheets in the corner. The face of the man that had tried to rape her disintegrating into ashes. The voice of the club owner as he questions her about the disappearance. Her soft cries as she washed his sent and the filth of his hands from her body. Her deep brown eyes, dilated from the meds, her body restrained to the bed as she simply wished for me to take her. To end the pain.

The canvases, the boney hands caressing the delicate check, the hollowed eyes and the sneering smile, the bloodied wrists and the dark canvas with just the silhouette of the hooded figure.

And as if nothing had changed or had turned my world upside down I smiled at her and took her offered hand willingly and without hesitation, I was hers.

We would never part.

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><p><strong>Let me know what you think!<strong>

**Mel**


	51. Chapter 51

**Twilight is not mine!**

**Today, I was thinking that this story need more, well to me it needs more, I'll be updating two chapters every 2 to 3 days. I have lots of surprises for you so stay tuned!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 51<strong>

The sense of déjà vu started again, I looked to the corner, and there I saw myself sitting barefooted with my long black clock covering most of me. The bed was placed different before, it was against the other wall; the window where she dangles her hand out with the cigarette was now covered with back cloth. The door to the kitchen was no more; it had been closed of, and bricked, as if there was nothing to indicate that there had ever been access to another room there. I wanted to know but she still was silent letting me remember. Here, this place, right there that's when I fell in love with her.

She was patient and quiet, she hadn't moved from her spot as I walked around the room remembering everything. I knew that she could see it, that she knew what was going trough my head. But still she waited. I stood still over the corner of the room where she kept her paints, I loved watching her paint.

I felt the warmed of her lips against the skin of my back; I turned and captured her lips with mine and her sweet tongue against my lower lip asking for entrance which I eagerly granted.

I slowly moved her to the bed, guiding her slowly with my hands on her hips, I made her lay back as I moved over her, she parted her thighs and I fit between perfectly.

As if we'd been doing this all of our lives, our mouths dance together in a passionate way that heated my skin and made my belly burn with want for her.

-"Marie"- I whispered against her lips. Her hands caressed my bear shoulders and mine combed trough her hair, our bodies molding against eachother in a heated embrace.

I took a chance and moved my hands down to her body; I slide them down to her collarbones and to her smooth arms. I felt eager discovering and conquering new territory with her, she too was eager and hungry for my skin.

The moment she rolled us and straddled my hips was more relief than I could ever imagen. The heats of her sex against my belly stroke the fire further and my instinct to trust against her heat was unbearable.

We grinded and writhed against eachother creating friction to alleviate the growing need in us.

My hands had a mind of there own, they stroked valleys and mounds and breast and nipples softly and sometimes even hungrily stroked and softly pinched to get a rise.

Kissed, suckled, licked and nibbled.

Her soft moans, and gasp, and sometimes even little whimpers of want where music to my ears.

The tank top she wore was flung over her head, dimmed unwanted, her panties soaked through scratched the skin of my lower belly making the fine hair that grows there glistened.

Her lips crashed into mine, with a renewed hunger, there was a taste I couldn't decipher, the sweetness was turning to a bitter and grainier taste, I felt it on my tongue as she flicked hers over mine. The bitterness numbed my tongue and halted any sound I could have made from there on, the pleasure overrode anything else and I let myself be taken over.

Her lips ran down the length of my neck nibbling on my skin.

I was in perpetual bliss as her inhibitions and her instincts took over her.

She moved her lips from my neck, making my muscles clench in need.

She explored every inch of my skin with her lips and fingers and even her tongue marking a path down my front, until encountering a barricade in her journey in the form of the waist-band of my boxers.

Roughly as if she where anoid with the garment, she pulled at them and in one swift move she had me bear and fully erect in her sight.

My erection bounced softly as the need in her eyes zeroed in on it, she licked her lips and before I could even breath, her mouth had engulfed the head of my member between her warm and wet lips.

She licked and suckled and bobbed her head slowly, her hands stocked up and down my length, and she cupped and caressed moving everywhere, felling her hands all over my heated skin

The pressure build beneath me and was threatening to erupt, never had I felt such need for a release and this experience since being my first of the type, my body had no inkling to the overload of sensory pleasure.

Before I know it she release me from the warmed of her mouth, and moves to straddle me again, I feel the warm of her sex, but this time I feel her slickness. She holds my erection in her hand positioning it against her pink pussy lips and slowly lowers herself ever me. Her satisfied grunt and subsequent whimper, makes me sit up and hold her hips tightly to mine.

I kiss her lips I look in to her eyes and try to steady my breathing, She feels to good, that I'm almost there. But first I want her to feel pleasure, I want her to come on me, I longed to mark her, I'm already hers but still I want her to be mine, completely mine.

She slowly rocks herself against me; I try to help her by holding her steady and lifting her above me for added friction. Our eyes stay locked on eachother, and with this we declare our love, our devotion, we where ment to be here at this point and time.

I feel the tightening of my belly and her pussy clamps harder against my aching member, her eyes turn hooded and her lids are almost too heavy to hold open; she whimpers my name and I hold her tighter to me, and rock us faster, she grunts and before I know it she shrieks my name and a litany of other words I can't comprehend.

My eyes rolled back behind my lids as I closed them, my breath speed up, my mouth falls open but there was no sound, I collapse to my back, my head hitting the pillow, my arms fell slack against the sweaty sheets, the over powering need of my brain to flee from the intense pleasure, takes over and as the rush of euphoria swept my body with the release it craved, I erupted inside her and with it taking conciseness, as I floated over us.

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><p>Tell me what you think in a little note or maybe a review!<p> 


	52. Chapter 52

**Chapter 52**

Silken skin gave way to deep gray long feathers, folding around her and her lover modestly; the wounds on the smooth surface of the belly where punctured bullet wholes that where too deep and to black to have ever bleed.

Her hands where claws with long and sharp dagger-like fingers. Her body smooth in some places and decaying in others. Flesh and bone could be seen on her ribcage, the beating hart was exposed, her thighs parted over the body and where it touched it the graying ash could be seen.

The face reserved the small child-like features, but the eyes where hallow holes where two lovely deep brown eyes had been. The nose small and up turned now a rotten exposed bone. Her lips once soft and supple, now practically invisible over the long row of sharp teeth that sneered frighteningly.

The long claws caressed lightly the arms of the body, but in its action, the skin that had been turned into ash, was now disintegrating.

She cried out in desperation. -"WHY?"- Her head turning to heaven. She clawed at her face and chest, bleeding all over the sheets.

As she slowly moved her body over the bed, the sheet gave way and her legs unfolded over the body, and literally converting it to a pile of dust or ash as the case may be.

She looked over the room, in search of something, banging on the wall, like a caged wild animal, the shrikes where deafening and frightening all in themselves.

She writhes in pain and screamed with sounds that would range from human crying and yelling to guttural grunting and animalistic roaring.

The words she uttered where sometimes so fast or at times unintelligible, that it seamed that they where in another tongue.

The pacing took a new path, as she circled the bed turning her face sliddly to capture the image of her once true love. She extended her hand to the pile on the sheets, and with a slowly and careful movement swiped some ash on her claw like hands and ran it through her tongue, tasting the bitterness as she whimpers in pain.

Hours have past.

I keep watch over her. She has finally settled down and crawled over the bed to the pile of ashes, she arranged herself around the debris; she seams to have fallen asleep, only the movement of her fingers gives her away.

She's been defiant, desolated, turned into a maddening creature, I love her… I still do.

I turn my face towards the heaven offering prayer for her, so that I can be with her, console her. She loved me so that she waited for me. I now know that she made a packed with heaven after I left her, they won't say anymore, but she is this.

This creature that is now too inconsolable to be able to ask for forgiveness, and to ask leniency for a second chance.

I want us to be together, I pray that the Lord, grants us this.

She mumbles my name; she knows the real one, not the mundane one. I can't leave, I can't comeback, but still I'm stuck here, in this middle place where I can only see, and not do. It is of the utmost torcher as I watch her grieve my body.

The pain in me is too much that I try drifting closer to her. When she senses me close she lifts her head and smiles. The sneer is back, she knows I'm close.

-"You're here"- She states. –"Don't leave me"-her tears run down her face, the holes from which they come from look like two pits of oil. She moves to sit. –"Take me with you, I need you with me… Please don't leave again… You have to do it…He will listen to you… I'm not worth His pity, He's heard me before, and never wanted this. I know that He will listen to you…Please Edward tell Him to let us be together"-She pleads with me. I know she's right. He will listen to me. But she is worth it, she is worthy to me in his grace. Everyone deserves a second chance and her love for me should redeem anything that she could have stained her soul with.

I move closer to her, I can almost feel the heath of her body, I'm desperate to be near her, and this is too much.

My eyes close as I pray again for his forgiveness, I pray for her, for every thing she's done I am at fault, I made her like this, I saved her but of what? My touch destroyed her. I was the selfish one, wanting to keep her, I was the one that came to her when she was younger, I was the one that whispered in her ear as she sleped the love I had for her. I was the one that made her fall in love with a spirit and unworthy soul, trying to gain His favor to grant him life. I kept her from everyone, making her strange and unnatural; I made her drive everyone away until she was completely alone. I showed her how to call on me; I made her hurt, but most of all I was selfish because I would not grant her release and kept her suspended as my perfect ideal and robbed her of her life.

My eyes turn to heaven and as my tears run down my face, I hold my hands to my chest and pray with all the devotion and faith I possess for her; to give her life again, to make her whole, to accept her in his grace. As I promise to give her up, so that he may accept her in heaven.

The light shines on us as I come closer to her, she feels my presents and extends her arms towards me, I press myself to her and feel a tingle as matter touches spirit and in a white flash we are gone.

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><p><strong>OK, so let me know if you want more! There is more but you let me know if it's worth it to continue!<strong>


	53. Chapter 53

**Chapter 53**

Pain

Light

Air

Welcome to the world.

It's cold.

I'm hungry, and afraid.

I can't really see.

I want my mommy.

I cry inconsolably.

I need.

She is not here.

My arms lift above me and I wiggle my hands with the cries from my chest.

"I need you mommy, where are you. I'm afraid and alone".

I feel the cold touch on my check and I take his finger as he withdraws it from me. When I feel the tingle of heat I let it go.

I stop crying and look at the blob that is hovering over me, its dark and white inside. I feel cold breath over my face.

I cry again in fear.

And then I'm alone again.

No one will come for me, I'm alone.

I don't know what's happening, I don't understand.

But what I do know is that I feel like there is something radiating heat inside me.

I suckle my hand, it feels comforting.

I make noise that sound too loud to my ears.

No one is with me, but still I feel like someone is watching over me.

My hands wiggle when I see the dark blob approached me again. He caresses my fingers and then moves away again.

The loud sound that approaches, and the arms that pick me up are strong and reassuring. I hear mumbling and shushing as I start to whale again in hunger.

I feel jostled and dizzy.

The warm liquid that comes out of the rubber nipple soothes my stomach.

I am saved.

The water is warm and the cloth is soft, I smell something and it feels good on my skin.

Soft fingers touch me and caress me. I see a colored blob come closer to my face, but it's not the one I saw first so I'm afraid. It touches my face but still I don't want it to. I wiggle and move my head away. It picks me up and strokes my face again, and I grab the fingers.

I feel the hold on me loosening up and then I'm falling.

Strong arms catch me and the black and white blob is back, it strokes my face and shushes me so that I won't cry. I feel warmed breath across my face, and the fingers that touch me now are no longer cold.

I feel safe.


	54. Chapter 54

**Chapter 54**

You are such a dirty little fucker, aren't you? Where are my pills you little shit? Give them to me, NOW"-She screams in my face.

I'm 5 years old. And I was playing with the pill bottles, what can I say? They rattle and I was making music. I found them under her bed, and wanted to see the color inside; I have a collection of them. I put the green ones away, those are for his eyes, the red ones will be his lips, and the orange ones will be his hair, -I'm making his face. Well what he will look like when we meet.

I've dreamed about him. He will take care of me. He is little like me right now. I don't know where, but he can see me.

I had been trying to open them for awhile now but the lid was to thigh, I went outside the trailer, its cold and I don't have a sweater, I feel the ache in the skin of my arms, my legs and feet feel it too. I only get to wear the nice clothes when the lady from the sucky place comes; she always asks mommy the same questions.

Is she eating?

When will she be in school?

Has she spoken?

Mommy always answers the same.

Yes.

Soon.

and

No.

I pick up a small rock near the hole where everyone throws the trash, it smells yucky, and I go back to the back of the trailer. She can't see me back there, besides she's always sitting on the couch and clicking the channels, and when she takes her little candy she never remembers where I am. I smash the bottles and take the small colorful ones, but only the ones I need the rest I flush down the toilet.

They get stuck and the dirty brown smelly water comes back up, I get my feet wet. I go to the kitchen before she can see me, and take a dirty t-shirt that HE used to wear, and clean the floor of the bathroom with it.

She won't see it, but she can smell it, I take the soapy stuff she uses on me when the dressed up lady comes to see us, and squirt some on the floor, there!

Now it doesn't smell bad.

I go to my pallet on the floor, and look under it; I have a large piece of cardboard where I've been pasting the colorful candy mommy eats.

I don't like it. I've seen mommy throws up a lot after she eats them, so I don't eat any. I like the colors, now I have enough to fill in the hair, it's brown with orange, he is pretty, and his smile is nice.

I smile back.

When I feel the tight pain in my left arm as she squeeze it painfully she screams and shakes me fast and I feel my head and neck hit her sides she pushes me up against the wall and screams at me again, she is too loud that I don't understand her, I try not to move or to make any noises, that makes her angrier. I stay still and close my eyes, I see his smile in my mind, but this time he is wearing a back sweat-shirt just like the one the dirty man wears when he comes to get me, but I don't feel afraid. I like it when she touches me, he never hurts me, in my dreams he comes to see me and I feel safe. As always I don't answer, so she gives up and throws me against the wall. I hit my head on the low dresser.

I fall asleep.


	55. Chapter 55

**Chapter 55**

I hear her calling my name but I don't answer, I'm hiding again.

I know what she wants.

That dirty man is back.

He wants to see me.

I was at the neighbor's trailer. They're nice, and the lady cleaned my face, she put some stinky stuff on my forehead and put a pink band-aid on me, it stung a little but her smile and her little kisses make it all go away, she even gave me clean clothes to wear since it's cold and I was in my underwear and bear foot.

I'm clean, she bathed me and did my hair with ribbons, they're pink this time, like the sweater and the coat, I'm also wearing jeans, they're a little lose on me but they'll do. My feet aren't cold anymore because she put socks and sneakers on me. I've asked her about the toys she has in her trailer, because I know she doesn't have a little girl like me. She told me that she died.

That she was sick and they didn't help her. She cries everytime she does my hair. I think she's sad, but she likes me and I like her. I really wish she was my mommy.

I think her name is Charlotte, she's pretty too. She works over at the grocery store, I've seen her walking with the man with the yellow hair, he also has a nice smile. They always give me apples and candy or sometimes they even save me some dinner. I like them both, he's a mechanic, he fixed our car awhile ago, mommy tried to give him some of her colored candy but he said that it was ok, that she didn't have to pay him.

He's nice too.

She combs my hair, and puts it up in ponytails tying the pink ribbons on them, she said that I could stay as long as I want, but that I have to tell mommy. I don't want to go back there, I see the black car with the dark windows, everytime he comes to get me, he takes me to the candy store and tells everyone that he is my daddy, but he's not, he's just an old dirty man that eats like a pig, he does, he eats his hamburgers with his mouth showing every bite. I know we're not supposed to do that since the neighbor lady told me not to, she's nice.  
>I know I have to go home, but the black car is still there. I hear mommy yelling my name, I know she's angry and will hit me again, if I don't answer her or come back soon, but I'm afraid.<p>

He'll touch me gain.

He always says that good girls don't cry and that if I'm good and let him do what he wants that I'll like it.

I don't it hurts and I feel bad after, my tummy hurts when he puts it in my mouth and it squirt out that yucky stuff. It smells bad.

I walk in to the trailer slowly so that she won't notice me. I can hear them talking in the front room, I go in through he window on the back, but she's waiting for me. She grabs my arm and starts to drag me to the front room where I know he's waiting.

-"Here, take her for a ride. Now give me my pills"- she takes my arm painfully and shoves me towards him, the man gives her the brown bag and takes my hand, pulling me to his car.

I want my mommy…


	56. Chapter 56

**Chapter 56**

That night everything changed. I remember the cold.

When he started his routine taking me to the candy store and the burger place, I think he decided that this time we should go to the movies; since the last time I had vomited all over the car and he slapped me so hard that I fell asleep for awhile, and I told mommy on him, she told him that if he hit me again on my face that the dress up lady would find out and take me away.

So this time he took me to see The Little Mermaid.

When Arial was singing for Ursula to take her voice the fat yucky man was touching me. I couldn't see when he started to take my jeans down my legs, he was kneeling in front of me and his big head was in the way. I was so angry because I was enjoying the movie that I slapped his check to move him so that I could see.

He looked in to my eyes frighten and before I knew it, he turned gray. I covered my face and kicked my feet afraid that he would hurt me again because I had slapped him, but my feet hit his stomach and before I knew it he was a pile of dust.

I took the bags of candy and the popcorn and soda and moved to another seat closer to the exit.

After the movie I walked around the street. It was getting colder and I didn't know where I was.

I felt a shiver run down my back and I raised the hood on my pink coat. I put my hands through the loops of the bags of candy and tucked my hands inside my pockets to keep them warm.

I started walking towards the parking lot, when I found the black car I opened the unlocked door and sat in the back seat. I lay there frightened thinking that the yucky man would come and find me.

But he never did. I tried to sleep but everytime I closed my eyes I felt warm breath over me and I would wake with a start and cry frightened.

I stayed there for days, -I think, then a police officer found me, I was tired and hungry and very very thirsty, I thought for sure mommy would be mad that I hadn't gotten home. But I never saw her again.

They took me to the hospital and feed me really good food, I even got to watch cartoons and lay in bed all day, and it was cool.

The only thing I missed was the neighbor lady. I think her name was Charlotte.


	57. Chapter 57

**Chapter 57**

-"You did WHAT?"- Alice whisper yells. I lower my head and look at my hands twisting in my lap.

–"He touched me Alice. What was I supposed to do?"- I whisper back.

We are sitting in 5th period Biology class. I'm 14 and I've been very bad.

My newest foster family moved us to Forks, Washington. We'd been here for 4 days when I meet Alice. She is in foster care too, we are neighbors, she lives with the Hale-Whitlock's, they have two children and are trying to adopt Alice, -She is also 14.

I live with Charlie and Renee they applied for foster care and had been very nice and all but since I've been in the system for such a long time and they hadn't had anyone in years they decided to take me in.

I'm odd to them. I don't speak or anything, I'm quiet and shy; I don't get into trouble and practically take care of myself. They love that. I wish they'd keep me, even if they only want me because the state pays them to have me here.

A few years ago, I started going out at night. I suffer from insomnia since I can remember; I would walk around the woods at night always keeping close to the yard, looking for rocks or branches. I have a fascination with ordinary things; I collect them or make them into something else. I love writing and painting, I draw and sculpt. I've been doing it since I was very young. For me it's a way to express my feelings, since I normally don't talk that much.

Two months ago, I met a guy while I was at La Push beach over at the reservation, he is tanned and tall and muscular, he is a native Quileute, he is much older then I am. I was frightened at first but he seamed harmless. We've meet several times over there and we had become friends, he would talk and I would listen and scan the sand for colored crystals. I hadn't told Alice or anyone about my friendship with Jacob, more so because I know he's married and because it would start the gossip. We are just friends, he's nice to me, and I like listening to him talk. He tells the coolest stories. He knows so much about his tribe's history.

A week ago I was walking to the beach to meet up with Jacob; I wasn't paying attention since I was scanning the sand for pebbled rocks that I didn't feel him behind me. He grabbed me by the waist and lifted me towards him, I screamed and he covered my mouth with his big hand. I was afraid of who this was, so I struggled kicking and flailing my arms and trying to hurt him so that he would let me go. But before I knew it I was punched in the stomach, the air leaving my lungs and my body doubled over in pain. He dragged me to the woods that over looked the ocean and guessing by all of this, the foul smell of liquor on his breath and his following words he definitely wasn't planning on walking around the beach and have one of our usual one-sided conversations.

–"Now your going to get it, you little tease.., Come on, you know you want me…I know you do, all those smiles and you always hang on my every word, you want me…You want me to fuck you, Don't you? You little cock slut"- He slurred against my ear as he groped me roughly. He had gotten my blouse ripped open and my jeans unbuckled then a surge of adrenaline and fear came over me. The rush of painful memories from my childhood came rushing back, things I had blocked out to protect my sanity. The disgusting man's fingers touching me, his foul breath washing over my face making me dizzy. The pain in my stomach as I empty it all over the car, his bitter laughter and the pain that shot through my scull as he slapped my face.

I closed my eyes and willed him to leave me alone. I felt his rough hands over my legs, parting them eagerly and as he moved closer to my body, I touched his chest with the tips of my fingers.

Before I knew it as if he was a drowning man, he doubled over in pain and the area where I had touched his chest turned gray, and it started spreading rapidly over the rest of his skin covering it completely.

His eyes rolled back and his mouth was left open as if he was gasping for air. The wind picked up and pushed the gray skin, disintegrating it into a pile of dirt. I moved away quickly too stunned to scream or cry.

And today I told Alice about it, she is staring at me as if I have lost my mind.


	58. Chapter 58

**Chapter 58**

There have been flyers and posters informing the town of Jacob's disappearance, but no one knows anything about it.

That's what prompted me to tell Alice the story. She's been processing it since 5th period this morning. We are sited at the play-house that Mr. Whitlock bought Rosalie –Alice's foster sister, for her 8th birthday 11 years ago.

I hear Jasper- Alice's other foster sibling, he's been bouncing a basketball over at the hoop installed over the garage door. He's been too observant these past days. He stares at Alice a lot, he's been friendly but still brotherly, he used to tease her a lot, but now seams to be more considerate, and very appreciative of her, yesterday he baked cookies with us and then took us to the video store, and let us pick what ever we wanted.

Yeah, for a guy he is not very subtle.

He's only 2 years older then us and for an 16 year old to be spending so much time with his younger sister and best friend when he could be hanging out with his friends and hot girls his age is quite odd.

Alice hands me a paintbrush and some blue paint. I've been painting here in this little play-house for almost 3 years now. She is the best friend a girl could have, she knows about my obsession with painting and creating, I used to rip the pages out of the books and make collages; the walls in my room are still covered in images of my past.

Charlie and Renee don't like this, they're very conservative about this, they want me to appear as a normal girl, but, what's normal?

So my walls look like a prison since I used to keep time by marking the walls or draw eyes and hands that where always appearing in my dreams while I was younger.

I hadn't had bad dreams in a really long time, of course I suffer from insomnia, but I used to be able to sleep at leased 2 to 3 hours straight. But now, after what happen with Jacob, I haven't had a wink of sleep in 2 weeks.

I feel Alice's hesitation as she hands me the other plastic plate with the different blobs of colors, she seams afraid to touch me, we used to hug and kiss each other's checks in greeting but now she's even afraid to graze my hand while she hands me the plate.

I know what she feels. I'm afraid to touch her too.

The afternoon passes quickly; Alice goes inside and brings out a plate with food for me. I've stayed here since we got back from school. I'm not hungry, I fell sick, and my stomach feels full but tender.

Hours later it's almost 8 and Renee has called Esme –Alice's sweet mom, asking for me, she wants me to stay over here, so that she can go out to her bridge night with her friends. I hear Esme tell her that it's fine, that I can stay, she comes closer to the play-house and picks inside, she smiles at me and hands me a glass of milk and a plate of cookies. –"Don't stay out here too long Bella, it's getting chilly tonight, won't want you to get sick, sweetie"-she smiles at me, brushing her soft fingers over my checks. She's always been so nice and caring; I feel jealous and wish that she'd be my mom. But I'm stuck with Renee, she's cold and indifferent of me, and since I don't make an effort to be liked by her, she thinks me difficult and odd.

I eat the cookies and drink the milk and stare at the pink walls, I get an idea and start painting again.

It's almost midnight when Alice comes to the little door and knocks, she heads in and stares at the canvas I've been working on. I don't turn to her, I just look at the gray figure. It's frighteningly accurate and the intensity of his expression makes my body quiver in disgust.

-"We should go to sleep"- she whispers near me.

I nod but still don't turn. I feel her warm hand on mine and the flood gates open and I sob. I hadn't been able to let go of this, I hadn't had the time or the space to let my emotions flow. I cry, and cry, she holds me in her strong but small frame, I burry my face against her shoulder and she strokes my hair and shushes me, I feel her understanding and her love.

After we take the canvas outside close to the woods in the back of her house' fence and burn it, I promise myself to never think of this and tell Alice to help me forget, and never talk about it again.


	59. Chapter 59

**Chapter 59**

Two nights later I was sitting at the small desk in my room trying to do my homework, the work lamp on my desk kept tilting sideways and I kept trying to get it steady. I turn to get my book bag from the floor when I felt a draft, like if someone had walked fast near me stirring the papers on my desk. I looked to the window but it was closed.

The door closed and locked.

I was alone.

A chill ran down my spine and I closed my eyes frighten, when I open them I could see from the corner of my eye a hooded figure sitting in the corner of my room, I was too frightened and stunned to blink, when I turned my head there was no one there.

During the following months it kept happening to me. I wanted to tell Alice, but she had problems of her own without having to add a best friend that was going crazy.

It seamed that she had fallen in love with her foster brother Jasper. And they where secretly seeing eachother.

Talk about weird.

On the year I turned 15th, I received a call from an anonymous person telling me that she knew what I had done. The woman's voice sounded foreign, she told me to come to La Push or that she would tell the authorities of what I had done, she also told me she had proof when I protested that no one would believe her.

The guilt and anger stirred in my gut so I grabbed my bag-pack and stuffed it with clothes, I only took what I could fit in it. I burned my pictures with my so called family and only took with me the ones of me and Alice. I wrote a note to her saying where I was going.

I went to the reservation and sat on the beach for hours, no one came.

It was almost midnight I figured I should leave, when a running figure approached me; the man was tall and had blond almost white hair that glowed in the night, his eyes where devious, he had a distinct and foul odder.

He looked me over and then dropped a large bundle, and turned to jog back to where he came from.

I watched him leave but could not make out to where in the darkness.

After a few moments, I sank back to the sand and open the brown papered bundle. I found a note with scratchy script ordering me to leave my home and go with her; she would be waiting for me in two days, enough to get my "affairs" in order. I un-wrapped the paper and in it was a set of clothing all in black, a long hooded black coat, and a pair of boots, a passport and a sealed envelope with money.

Was she buying me?,

Was I for sale?

What would she want with me?

Who was this person?


	60. Chapter 60

**Chapter 60**

All of these questions plagued my brain for several hours as I pondered my decision.

It was almost dawn when I left the beach, the wind had picked up, so I put on the coat, it had a very distinct smell, like marigolds, and incense. It lulled my senses and hazed my judgment, I was about to do as I was told, but the wind picked up and the sent left my mind.

I walked down the road and hitched a ride with the first car that I saw. The navy blue Jeep Cherokee was a sight for sore eyes, the little family that picked me up, was nice and even treated me to breakfast.

Two days later whenwe stopped in Sacramento, I was very grateful that I made the little boys a present, I drew them. It got cool when they hugged me and wished me luck, I'd be remembering Diego and Isaac as Spiderman and Max Steel. There favorite superheroes.

I walked to the nearest motel and washed up, I ordered a pizza, charged my phone and went to sleep. I hadn't turned my phone on when I heard it vibrate against the wood of the night stand, with a new message.

CALL HER… DON'T CALL FROM THIS PHONE…THEY'LL KNOW WHERE YOU ARE.

What the fuck was going on?

I walked out of my room in the middle of the night down the street where I had seen a payphone before.

I called Alice's cell phone. She answered after 3 rings and when she heard my voice she started to cry. Her blubbering questions were making me miss her more.

I told her everything right there and then. She admonished me for keeping it from her, and told me to come back, that together we'd find a way to get me out of this.

But I knew that there was something weird going on, well aside from the freaky shit that had been happening to me. I kept the whole hooded scary figure appearing in my room or around my house or even in the library at school all to myself. I didn't want to add crazy to the list of my already messed up shit.

She told me to call her and to take care of myself, and that she would be on the look out for this or anything weird, she asked me what to tell Charlie and Renee, I told her to say that she didn't know where I was that she hadn't heard from me. I knew it was too much to ask but still I needed the help. We said our goodbyes and hung up.

I walked back teary eyed and tired. As I walked up the street to the motel I passed an alley and heard a noise frightening me and making me walk faster, the cat that sprung up from the trashcan growled at me. I moved even faster trying to get indoors as soon as possible.

I walked in to my room and felt the chill as the temperature changed; it felt colder inside than it had been outside. I walked over to the thermostat but it was warm enough. I crawled in to the covers and closed my eyes defeated and depressed to be here.

Sleep clamed me soon after.


	61. Chapter 61

**Chapter 61**

Today I turn 17.

Happy fucking birthday to me.

The asshole that's been sitting in the lounge of the private area of the club, has been eyeing my tits since I came out. And I suppose it's my fault, since I'm wearing a tinny tank top that's so low that it barely covers my nipples.

Today I'm only waiting tables.

It's been a slow night, but the fucker has slapped my ass everytime I walk near his table. He's alone and too eager, I haven't seen him here before.

-"Mesera!" he yells from his table. It's not my station but Heidi has been cool about me taking her tables, she knows I need the tips more then she does.

She's been dating the owner and fucking one of the bouncers -Felix.

Aro is a loaded English man that found his way over the border with a shit load of money and nothing to do with it. I've seen how he spends his cash, he bought this strip joint 7 years ago and converted it into a gentlemen's club, he speaks several languages and when I came here looking for work he never question me about my age or why I was in another country looking for work in a place like this. You would think that he'd get in trouble for having underage girls working in here, but he's got the cops paid, and a group of very expensive lawyers at the read.

He and Heidi are great together, he loves her and she loves his money, he takes her to expensive restaurants and buys her shit-loads of stuff, she's been driving a new Ford Fusion around, I've seen her give Felix a ride everyday.

Aro must be stupid, even though Heidi and Felix live in the same building, the way he touches her or looks at her, you can tell that there's something going on, and it's sure as hell is not carpooling.

I come to the man's table and he orders another beer, he doesn't tip well so I'm going to make him wait for his drink.

I walk to the corner of the room to the tables that are practically in the shadows.

Everytime I come over here I get the chills and sometimes I even freeze up, even if it's during the end of my shift with all the lights on and I have to clean the tables over here.

There always seams to be a draft, something that feels like an open window in the middle of a storm.

I've been in this border town for almost a year, I crossed into Mexico, in October of last year.

I was followed by that creepy couple since I left Forks. I found out a few months later because after I got a room in a students housing place near Princeton, in San Francisco, the anonymous letters started coming again.

First it was simple stuff; she wanted me to come with them, of course the why was never established. Later it was threats that if I didn't comply she would tell the authorities. Then, she sends me some canvases and paint, saying that she would rip the fruits of her investment. So I did the only thing I could think of. I painted bunnies and rainbows and fucking butterflies and sent them to her and got the hell out of there.

When I arrived at San Diego a few weeks later I got a text from Alice, she told me about the shit that was left behind those creepers.

They told the police where told they where private investigators and that they'd been hired by my real mother to look for me. A few months later a family was found dead in there home, a black haired woman, an albino man, and there 5 year old son. All where in there beds, there was no sign of entry, or any foul play, they just seamed to have died in there sleep. Charlie being the chef of police in that crappy town he investigated, but when they didn't find anything unusual they ruled it as a gas accident or just a freakish case. Charlie and Renee believed that the couple where indeed investigating my case and they just left it to there care and stopped looking for me.

Alice and Jasper had to eloped since there "illicit affair", well that's what there parents called it, was discovered.

You may ask how they where so stupid as to get pregnant, well let me tell you.

If you live in a small town where the only OBGYN is your foster dad and your mom works in the local women's clinic then you obviously can't get birth-control, now you may think that Jasper being the older more experienced one of the two would think about getting condoms, well you'd be surprised that since the economy had been giving everyone shit, his High School Football coach had to get a second job to finance his new girlfriend's shoe fetish and inconveniently working in the only drugstore in town, so that left them without any options.

Then they got the idea that using the rhythm method would be OK, the thing was that you have to be very exact on your period count and well there lay the problem, so Alice being the more sunshine and rainbows type, was happy about there predicament, she told Jasper that she wanted to keep the baby and even if he didn't want it that she'd leave and go look for me. Jasper being the crazy one of the two decided that they would elope and tell there a parent after the baby was born. So now they live in Escondido, and are expecting there second baby I think this time it's going to be a girl. I've only seen Alice and Jasper twice since they moved to California.

Since I still don't know if these fuckers are still on my trail, I've only risked seeing them twice.

We talk several times a week, they don't know where I work or were I live. I want to save them the trouble. I know Alice would want to help me anyway that she can, but I don't want her to worry too much, she has enough on her plate.

I see the movement in my periphery vision as I walk near the left side of the club.

It's here again.

I can feel it.


	62. Chapter 62

**Chapter 62**

Mandy the girl that's putting on a show right now can see me standing stock still near the left emergency exit. I know what she'll do. But I won't let it happen again, not tonight, not like last time.

It's just weird how it's happen several times since I started working here. James the bartender comes close to me, but doesn't touch me. I feel him behind; it will happen again if he does but he knows so it doesn't happen tonight.

The first time this happened he touched my shoulder and the emergency door flew open unexpectedly and with out cause and banged against the back wall leaving a large and angry dent.

The worse one happen a few weeks after that, Felix and Caius –Aro's "brother" and co-owner of this club, where fighting in the back private rooms. I was asked by Aro to take a bottle of Vodka and some glasses back there. When I got there, Caius opened the door abruptly and yelled at me to come in, I walked hesitant, he always gives me the creeps, his long blond hair and beady little eyes are always analyzing his angles.

I walked to the center of the room and set the tray on a low table, but before I could exit the room, I saw Caius, through the mirrored wall in the back that has security cameras for the safety of the girls. He walk towards me, standing behind me and pressing his body to my back, he started to grind his erection on my ass.

I heard Felix lock the door behind us, and before I knew it I was on my back on the small red couch, my hands pinned above my head and my legs spread with a very horny and disgusting Caius between them. The mirrors started to shake as if an earthquake started. The door started to buckle. Felix's fingers started to dig harder against the skin of my wrists, and Caius's face came closer to my ear.

When he whispered what he'd do to me, the door flew open and the lights went out, I suddenly felt freed and I ran out to the hall as I heard the body punches and the crashing of the mirrors as they broke.

A few days later Aro approached me and gave me a week's severance pay and told me to leave.

I left that night thinking of what I'd do, I'd lost my job and had no way of finding something fast, since my rent was do in a few days.

I walked past a liquor store and bought a cheap bottle of tequila and some lemons. I sat there in the corner of my damped and dirty room, thinking of what I had done to deserve this. I'd been in this situation long enough to know that it wasn't going to change or just magically turn better. I had to do something, there was something following me now, I didn't know what it was, and I didn't know when it would stop and I was afraid.

I kept feeling alone, and scared. The funny thing was that since this all started happening at the club, I was sleeping better.

I felt light headed as I stood on wobbly legs and went to wash up for bed, feeling numb enough to just wait and see what tomorrow would bring.

I took my clothes of and washed my face, I put on an old t-shirt and some socks. Turning of the lights, I stumbled to the bed and covered myself with the thinning blue blanket.

That night I had the strangest dream. I sat in the corner of my room, I could see myself still lying on the bed, my socked covered feet picking from under the blanket. The shock of seeing me there was quickly warned of by the black figure hovering above the bed.

Its long arms and fingers barely touching my back as I lay there on my stomach. The figure stayed close to my sleeping form, it seamed determined and focused, his face came close to my ear, and I felt the tingle of its breath. The warmed of it giving me chills. My body reacting slowly. I kept sitting there looking at the scene, my sleeping form shifted slowly as if underwater. My face turning towards it as if acknowledging it's presence. Its fingers caressed my cheeks lovingly and again I felt the tingle of warmed against my forehead as the figure leaned closer and almost touched my sleeping form's skin.

I woke with a start my body covered in cold sweat, as if I was sick. I heard the banging on the door and the landlord's voice behind the front door.

He was here early for the rent.

What was I supposed to do?

I ran to the bathroom and slipped in to my jeans, my shoes where under the bed, grabbing my blue hoody, and unplugging my phone I walked stiltedly to the bedroom window, I opened it and slipped out. The ledge was wide enough for me to sit on, so I just jumped down to the downstairs neighbor's balcony and from there slipped in to the open hallway, walking down the stairs.

I had to get my job back or do something.


	63. Chapter 63

**Chapter 63**

I went in the small boutique two blocks away from my crappy building. I'd seen this place everyday on my walks to work but never had the money to buy anything, so I'd always window shopped. The lady at the cash-register smiled politely to me and informed me of they're half off on all the tank tops. I smiled back and began to brows through the racks. After I killed about 10 minutes, I walked over to her and asked if she was hiring, she smiled and shook her head, "Sorry, but I think the gallery is… why don't you go see. The owner's name is Safrina", she smiled again.

I thanked her and walked out. They wouldn't hire me to clean the floors, so why bother. I still walked passed the gallery, it was called The Volturi, some local last-name I supposed.

I walked downtown and sat on a bus-stop bench and people watched for awhile. It was warm today. As I took of my hoody I saw a guy looking at me, he seamed familiar. His deep blue eyes and his gray thinning hair was refreshing, I usually get stared at a lot, I'm sort of used to it since I've been working in bars and strip joints, so what happened next sort of caught me of guard.

The older blue eyed man leaned against his red beat up truck as if he waited for something, I would guess he was parked on a taxi area because the white and orange taxi cab honked it's horned at him, and instead of moving his car, he started yelling and swearing at the driver. The younger man got out of his car and came closer to defend his parking spaces. So the older blue eyed man threw the first punch and as the fight concluded with black eyes and bloodied noses as well as a man on his back in the middle of the sidewalk. As quickly as its started the police where on the scene, they took statements and the older man was taken away in handcuffs, It stuck with me. That scene was like I was being given a reason but still it was something that I had to figure out.

Later that day as I was walking back to my building I ran into Heidi and Felix, I sneered at him, and he walked away. His face was black and blue, his left arm was in a cast and you could see that he had to have stitches on his forehead because of the deep cuts.

Heidi was not even worried about him, she didn't even give me shit about what had happened, she actually told me that they deserved it, she too had been in that situation before, but she was threaten about not keeping quite. "It's Caius' fault" she explained. "Felix is always with him, so that he won't hurt the girls too much, he's sadistic and sick" she smiled sadly as if remembering something about her experience. "I talked to Aro, he wants you back, he promised that you can only waitress, no more dancing, he'll give you all my tables" she smiled apologetically.

Heidi is a good friend, but still I didn't want to go back there, there was somethings that I just didn't want to do anymore. But since there was no chance that I would be getting that kind of money anywhere else, I was stuck.

"Yeah, thanks, so when should I go back?" I asked her resigned.

"Tomorrow, just show up as if it was your regular shift, you'll work my shift too, so…." She trailed of, not saying more.

"So what?" I asked curiously. "Just be careful, don't take any orders in to the private rooms, let Victoria do that, she has more experience and she's actually into it. Just don't tell her I told you. She sometimes gives me the creeps" She looked at me with wide eyes.

"Yeah, OK, well thanks" I told her as she walked away following Felix in to there building.

When I got home I really wasn't sure if I was happy or sad about getting the job back. I sat on my stained couch and stared at the walls.

A few moments later I got an idea and broad out my make up bag, looking inside for the black eye liner I started to draw on the dull green wall of the front room of my old dilapidate apartment.


	64. Chapter 64

**Chapter 64**

The hood was black and the long fingers wrapped against eachother were a stark contrast of white against the dark background. The slight profile gave the illusion of part of its nose and the chin as well as the almost purple full lips. But they looked wrong. I whipped them clean with a damped cloth and continued tracing the black figure.

I'd been drawing all over the walls of the apartment.

I didn't work today.

I stayed here, frantically drawing and painting this dark figure that's been haunting me. I haven't eaten since yesterday, I feel the emptiness in my stomach but it's not enough to make me stop what I'm doing.

I walk to the breakfast bar and pull a drawer out I have to find something red to paint its lips. But there is nothing there. I move to the drawers in my bedroom to look for some lipstick or nail polish but there isn't any left, I used it all. I walk into the bathroom and look through the drawers there. But still there is nothing.

I pull at my hair and sit on the toilet. I have to finish this it has to be finished.

I stand again and I feel dizzy from the lack of food or water. I grab on to the sink just before I prick my hand on the razor and fall on the floor.

Darkness follows and I'm cold.

Sleep over takes me like a dark blanket.

I walk the club, checking on my tables, and again I go to the back of the room where the darkest exit is. I felt the chill as always, but this time I could almost make out a dark figure.

I come closer to the booth where I can almost see it clearly, but when I get there I see my nude body laying in it's lap, my wrist are deeply cut and there is blood staining my skin. The white boney fingers caress my hair, as the figure bows down to the face. I feel the burn on my forehead as the figure leaves a bloody red lip stain on the body's forehead.

The cold against my body wakes me, as I lay on the bathroom floor, there's a trail of blood coming from my palm, and the wound is already closed. Leaving a small line of red on the white tiled floor.

I stand on wobbly legs and hold myself against the sink again pricking myself, I curse under my breath at the pain.

And as if a light bulb has turned inside my brain I take the blade and walk to the living room.

I gather the red liquid coming out of my resent prick and smear it over the drawing's lips and its starts to take form.

The eyes are still colorless, but not because I can't see them in my dreams, it's more of indecision. I know them to be blue-gray but then they appear bright green and the skin even pale it's more life like.

I'll wait to see.

I make a mental list, tomorrow I will get supplies, I need to finish them.

I need to make them real.


	65. Chapter 65

**Chapter 65**

I sit in the tub, and wash my legs. The blade that helped with the images is on the floor next to me.

I feel the pain and the nothingness that its presence brings.

It's been here longer then before.

I know it moves around my apartment, I know it watches me during the day. I know it follows me to work and to all the places I go to.

But still I don't know what it wants.

Is it here to protect me?

Is it here just to watch me suffer?

Is it here to haunt me to make me repent on my actions?

I have too many questions in my head that it stings. I try to relax against the warm water. I feel my muscles ache from yesterday. I didn't go to work but I was called in. I faked a cold, and told Aro that I would be in today, but I really don't want to leave here.

Even if it's here with me and I feel sad and alone, I know that if I go in, it will be much worse.

Since I've been alone so much and working I hadn't had time to think about my life, but now that I'm here sitting in the tub with it watching me, because I know it watches me while I'm in here.

I feel the looming sadness, but this time it's more of a desperation to feel loved, I know that I will never be able to shake this, to make it different, I know I'm strange and that all that it's happened to me has an explanation. I just don't know what it is yet.

I turn the hot water subconsciously and leaned down to take the blade, I think about my dream again. My nude body covered in blood. And I know what to do.

I lean back propping my head against the porcelain of tub and close my eyes. I see Alice's smiling face with Jasper's arms around her. I see her round belly with there child, I see the little boy holding there legs smiling up at me. I see them happy and I cry.

This will never be mine.

I know that I will never be like them.

The sky-blue eyes of that old man come to mind and I sob his face a shadow of pain, I see him sitting on a concrete bench with a cup in his hands, his eyes are closed and his smile is cold. I feel the tingle of pain and hear the small dripping. I feel cold but the water is burning my skin.

The steam makes it harder to breath so I stop.

I feel the cold and the wind against my wet skin. I hear the sirens and the voices as if they where underwater.

I try to open my eyes but the bright white light burns them.

It hurts as they pry open my mouth and stick something down my throat, they open my eyes for me and flash bright light against them, but I feel too tired to move my hands to make them stop, and also they feel numb.

I do feel the prick of a needle against my arm and they move my body as if I were a rag doll.

I start to feel my whole body numb again, I feel calm and warm and secure so I let the darkness takes me again.

My mouth is dry and my head is pounding, I open my eyes and try to move but my hands are stuck to my sides. I try to sit up but I'm pulled back down to the bed harshly.

I try doing it again with more force but I'm slammed back down again. I turn my head to look around to see where I am, and I can only see mint-green walls, the left part of the room has a long window covered in tick white plastic, I can see the light streaming in but nothing else.

Panic starts to bubble up on my body, and I feel trapped. I try to speak but my throat is too dry to even get out sounds.

I feel sick to my stomach, and the pain in my head becomes unbearable.

The door suddenly flies open and a young blond nurse dressed in green scrubs comes inside smiling, her big blue eyes are comforting but when she bring out a needle and sticks it in my arm she becomes the devil incarnate.

I feel drowsy and woessy, my eye lids are heavy and my mind drifts again in to the dark.


	66. Chapter 66

**Chapter 66**

-"Jasper, she's fine. They told me that she could go home. So I'm taking her home…. Yes….Don't worry baby we'll be there soon"- She hangs up the phone and looks over to me while we wait for the green light.

I feel like a child, her eyes are searching; I can feel her anger and at the same time the worry and sadness. But she doesn't question me. She just holds my hand and smiles sadly at me.

I'm settled in to the room.

Jasper broad my stuff here and put my bags on the chair over by the window, he doesn't say a word; he just smiles politely but doesn't meet my eyes. I don't know what Alice has told him or why she had to go to Tijuana, Mexico to come and get me, he had to sign the papers too, so he must have a clue.

When we crossed the border to the US, there was a wait of almost two hours, and we spend the whole time talking about her kids, well she talked I listen. I was afraid that if I made any kind of comment she would start her questions. I still don't know what happened, I don't remember much of the month in that place or the few days before everything happened.

I'm tired and hungry. So I sit on the edge of the bed and watch as Jasper comes and goes moving my thing into the closet and moving furniture around for when he comes in with a television set.

I know he's curious as to how long I'll be staying with them, but I still don't know.

Night falls and I'm in bed, I can hear the quiet of the house, the kids are asleep, David is almost 3 and baby Dallas is 8 months, I made them share a room since I'm sleeping in David's.

His small bed is comfortable and his toys are sitting on several shelves on the walls. The soft blue paint on the walls is soothing, the big letters spelling out his name with brown paint are in a beautiful script, Alice is very gifted in the whole decorating thing, she'd always love to do that, I remember her always cutting fabric and making things in that little doll house. And now she can do that for her own home.

Alice and Jasper's home is small but very comfortable. They started out in a small apartment, that's where I had visited them; Jasper works in construction and is going to school during the afternoons to get a degree in psychology, it's a little unnerving since everytime he looks at me I feel like he's analyzing me..

Alice decided to be a stay at home mom, but when she got pregnant with Dallas, she knew that she had to help out but didn't know what to do with David, she didn't want him in daycare, so while taking some courses in the local family center during the mornings sort of like a mommy and me thing with David. The instructor asked her if she wanted to take a course for child care. To which Alice thought it to be a great idea, so after convincing Jasper, they moved in to a house and when Alice finished her thing she started her own day care center. She takes care of 8 kids between the ages of 3 and 10, since she's always been so hyper and creative; it's all a piece of cake to her. Jasper is the one that has to work for it, since he comes home dog tired and sometimes there's still kids running around going crazy in there backyard. Alice had Jasper build her a dance studio in the basement; she made it sound-proof so that she can have all the kids going crazy down there while her own have naps or Jasper can relax.

I felt tired after her explanations and the catching up we did while we ate dinner. They kids where smiley and happy, they are beautiful, and David is the spiting image of his dad, right down to his passive deminer. There expression and mannerisms are so much alike that it's even funny watching them. Dallas is a great mixture of both Jasper and Alice, she has Alice's eyes, nose and hair, but her lips and mannerisms are totally Jasper.

Her smile is Jasper's too, and when anyone speaks she stares intently as if she understands every word and is just waiting for her turn.

They are beautiful and together they are the perfect family. I envy Alice, she has everything. I feel sad that I'm disturbing her life with my problems, I feel angry that she has to worry about me.

The two dogs in the small backyard start to wane and whimper, the cat sleeping in the living room is hissing. I can hear little David talking in his sleep, he giggles and sighs.

And then I feel it, the darkness of the room is oppressing and I feel the heaviness of my thoughts.

It's here.

It found me again.


	67. Chapter 67

**Chapter 67**

I stay quiet, during the day.

I watch Alice in action, I try to help out with the kids, but my mind is always backing to the night before.

I felt it again.

It already came for me.

It keeps shifting.

I feel the movement.

I can almost see it.

I know why it's here.

Alice suggested that I talk to a counselor because of my attempted suicide; I've told her that I had enough counseling in that God-awful place, but she insisted.

So after a few days of staying with them I'm going to the local clinic to talk to a consular. I walk down the family center that is located just a few blocks from there home. I talked to the woman in charge there, she told me to talk to a man a Doctor McCarthy. I feel weird about talking about all my shit to some stranger. I really don't want to go back to the nut-house. So I walk around the neighborhood, thinking of my next move. I feel the pain in my wrists that reminds me of everything. I want to know what happened, because every time I try remembering I get migraines and broken images of the hooded figure hovering over my body. I can hear myself scream in pain, and talk about being hurt by the yucky man, but I really don't know what it's about. I feel the heat when it comes to me; I feel the desperation and the void it leaves when it drifts away every morning. I need it to be close to me, I feel safe with it, but it's a mixture of safety and hopelessness. I need it, I want it but I know it will hurt me in the end.

I walk around and pass an old diner; I go in and order a cup of coffee. Sitting at the booth in the back of the place I look around at the other people in here too.

There's a couple of older people eating and talking quietly. A man at the counter having pie and coffee. Then a couple of unusually dressed people enter, a dark haired tall man with the most striking green eyes I've ever seen is holding a beautiful woman's hand, she has black wavy hair and beautiful brown eyes, she is much shorted then him, but her stand is regal and graceful. They sit in a booth on the same side, he has his hand on the back of the seat his fingers caress her bare shoulders, her dress is a bright red, she wears a black chal with red flowers in needle point, the design is beautiful and colorful. He is in dark jeans and boots, his gray shirt is partly covered by a tight vest, you can see his arms are partly covered and in his neck and wrist's there are several black strands with coins and beads in them. There is a beautifully crafted cuff that has what I can see to be a large coin-like object, there are some images engraved and some letters too, but I'm too far to see what they are.

They are a beautiful couple, they look interesting together, so in love and happy.

A few minutes later they are joined by an older woman, all three are having lunch.

They eat and talk quietly. They don't seam to speak English, but when they order I can hear the man ask the waitress for extra dressing on his companion's salad, and I hear his voice, it's deep raspy and thick with a Latin accent.


	68. Chapter 68

**Chapter 68**

I'm intrigued by them, they look foreign but at the same time familiar. I keep my attention over at there table. I feel embarest when the older woman catches me staring at them but she smiles at me and nods.

I nood back and try to keep my eyes away from them but the effort only last a few short seconds because I hear the man shuffling to his feet I turn to see the man extending his hand to the woman as she moves to the end of the both to stand beside him, they walk to the back holding hands passing my booth towards the restrooms.

I find myself staring at there retreating forms as the greasy wall obscures my sight of them. When I come too and catch myself embarest of being nosy and staring at them I quickly turn to the table to see if the older woman was watching me. I startle when I see the woman sitting right in front of me at my table.

Her deep green eyes and her wrinkled skin are appealing to me, she seams like she's about to speak but she just stares into my eyes and smiles.

-He's touched you, hasn't he?- she questions, her voice gravely and thick with the Latin accent like the man.

When I don't answer and look at her puzzled. She quirks and eyebrow.

She continues in a quick monologue, she tells me about my past, about my gift and about how they needed to die, and about Phil and that it wasn't my fault of what happened to him at the movie theater, that I was just a scared child that soon I will have a chance to change positions with him, and that how I react to it will be my saving grace.

She continues rapidly giving me information about HIM but still she doesn't name HIM. The thing about how he gave me this gift to protect me but that he has to do penance for it, make a shiver run down my spine, she can see the discomfort in my eyes but she continues, talking about prophesies and about the future child and about the stars and the course of the heavens and what I should do when I see him. She tells me to find Vivian and Ivan because even thought they are bad spirits that they are guides into the darkness, where I am to be until he seeks me, they will also help me with my own penance.

She tells me to beg and plead and to ask for forgiveness, she tells me to ask for the time, but not for a forever.

Her eyes are wide and a little disoriented; her hands have clasped on to mine, she has spoken so rapidly that my mind is swirling with different ideas, painful memories and things that I wanted to know but at the same time I didn't know I wanted to -or at leased not yet.

I want to run away from this woman, she's strange and she's too intense, I want to leave this place but when I try to dislodge her hands from mine, she gives me some words that I don't understand, and tells me to remember them as if my life depend on them, she tells me to only utter them when I'm ready to face him, that he will be with me until I send him away, but she knows that I never will. So she tells me to only use it when I know that we both are ready to be together.

When the man and woman come back, they see us holding hands at my table, and they walk quickly to us.

-"Mama, please let go of the girl"-, the man commands softly.

-"Debe saberlo, miu ciel"- She tells him angrily.

-"Yes, mama, but she's not ready, we will see her again, we have to wait"- he touches her shoulder as if trying to make her see reason.

-"She's beautiful, just like it was written, can you see her? She will be his perfect match"- the old woman gushes looking in to my eyes.

I feel a blush warm my face, and turn my face to look at the handsome couple staring at me. They smile softly at me, as if they where looking at a beloved child. I feel uncomfortably embarest by there soft gazes.

-"We go now, mama. It will get late and he will be roaming our camp soon, we will have to be ready to send him where he's needed"- The man states cryptically and as if he said the magic words, the old woman lets my hands go, and moves to stand.

She moves gracefully and swiftly. She seams younger now, her eyes are bright and her smile is warm. All three touch my shoulder and move to leave. As they get to the door, the younger woman looks over her shoulder and walks back to me quickly; she leans close to my ear and whispers:

"Paenitet Edward. Don't forget"- She kisses my check and walks back to the door, and leaves.

I feel like I've just been electrocuted, I'm stunned into silence, I feel my skin heat up, and at the same time there are goosebumps all over my arms, my head is swimming with different emotions, and then I feel tears prickle my eyes before I know it they fall down my checks. I wipe them and move to stand but my wobbly legs don't want to cooperate, so I sit heavily down again and drink my now cold coffee and stare out the window.

I see them walk slowly away down the street. They pass a few small houses with a lot of trees in there lawns, I can see the tall ferns sway with the breeze and a few houses more were the lawns are brown and neglected, there on the last house of the street right in the corner, I see them turn towards the inside of the property. It is there that I strain my eyes to see where they have stayed.

The house looks old and worn down, the lawn as I've noticed is brown and dried, there is an old sycamore near the front of the property, and on the back I can barely see the colorful caravans all of them with signs and different images. As they enter the property I watch as young children run out to meet them.

The old woman leans down and strokes a young black haired boy and a small blond pigtailed little girl. They all look lovingly towards her.

The light of the day seams to be drifting towards the horizon, I feel tired.


	69. Chapter 69

**Chapter 69**

Today I went to the local mall. I got some clothes. Alice thought that I was drowning in the ones I had, she thinks I'm too thin, I think so too. She wants me to do something with myself but still I don't know what.

I went in to a stationary story and got a journal, I also asked about a craft store, I think I know what I need; I've been itching to paint again. During my long stay on that fucking nut-house, all I ever thought about was the images on my walls and that I had wanted to make them real, I wanted them on canvas. And now that I have a chance to do it, I'll make it happen.

I went back to the little diner from last week.

I thought that if I came back that old intense woman would be here again, but I passed by where I had seen them camping out and the place was deserted. I even went inside the little house, it was clean but drafty, I looked in all the rooms and on the last one, I open the door and in side I found a large statue like figure for a moment I actually thought it was a real person, it frightened me so much that I fell back and hit my head on the hall wall. It was so life like, It stood regally beckoning me, it's face was skeletal and shaded by the large black hood covering it's head and the clock like clothing covered the body but leaving it's feet bear the bone like toes picking out of it.

It held a large scythe in it's boney hand, and on the other there was a thin long sheet of paper, when I came closer to it, I could see that inside against where the hart would be, in it's black clock it held a small picture frame, carefully and still reeling from the first impression, I hesitantly took it from it's place. And there carved on the little frame were the words "Isabella Indulgent" in the most beautiful script, inside the frame was a pencil drawn image of a woman with long hair and child like features. Her eyes where closed as if in sleep, her head lay on a boney chest partly covered in dark clothes. I shivered and accidentally dropped the picture making the little frame fall open. The image flew away from me from the draft coming from the broken windows and holes on the walls, the wind had picked up since I'd been standing there, I saw how it made it fly outside the boarded up window, trough a large crack were the light had been coming in.

I backed away from the large frightening figure and practically ran outside the door to the back yard.

I looked around and the only thing I could find was black trash bags, all lined up next to a large trashcan. I saw a large wooden frame with little figures carved into them, there little faces seam to be in pain, the quiet screams seamed daunting, I felt a shiver run down my back and a cool breeze whipped my hair against my face, as I dropped my bags on the floor to move it over my shoulder I see the small shinny object on the floor. I leaned down to take a better look, and there on the grown was a small locket in the shape of an oval engraved in the front where two letters an I and an E entwined in gothic-like script. When I stood up, I saw the sheet with the image from inside under a small rock, as if someone had found it and put the rock over it to save it for me.

I come closer to it, and picked it up, I moved back to where all my bags where and quickly move to get out of this place.

I walked the 3 blocks to the diner at a very quick pace that I was practically hyperventilating when I finally sat on the back booth from last time.

When I had finally calmed down, I opened the little journal and placed the image between the pages for safe keeping.

The blond rude waitress from last time, came to take my order and never looked in my direction, only scribbled down my order on her notepad.

I sat there looking out the window for a few minutes just looking back to the little house, I still felt frighten, so much so that when the waitress rudely and loudly placed my plate with the large hamburger and my cup of coffee on the table I practically jumped out of my skin. She smiled and smaked her lips in a cow like way. –"Jumpy are, we today?"- her smile was definitely not polite. I sneerd at her, she could forget about getting a tip, bitch.

I've been sitting here for the past hour. I've finished my food and been looking over at the supplies I've bought. I know I won't be able to get started right away like I would like. Alice doesn't have the space for my stuff, and I don't want them to have to make more room for me. I'm already imposing on there family routine. This is one of the reasons I told Alice that I'd rather walk the 25 blocks to the mall then to have her take me. Jasper leaves every morning at around 6, and the kids start arriving at 7 so I help her out with David and Dallas getting them ready and fed so that when they're ready they can join the older ones with Alice. Since today was a little cold and windy she had everyone downstairs in the dance studio/playroom/music room, and what ever else she calls it. She had been wanting for me to stay with her, she's seem me interact with her kids. I love them, and love helping her but it's not what I like to do. I can surely help her out these days, I mean it's the leased I can do after disturbing her life and making here worry about me. But I know I have to go back.

And besides, since I still feel it at night hovering around me inside her home, I'm afraid that anything could happen with the kids. I don't feel that I would be safe for them, I've had accidents and the type that I can't control and I would die first if I'd ever unintentionally hurt one of the kids or Alice and Jasper, I love them too much so I know I have to be away from them, They need to be safe, they are the only family I have left.

I still don't know when but I know it will be soon when I leave.

The day is passing and I'm still sitting here in the booth. They're getting ready for the dinner crowed and I'll have to move soon, I see that the blond rude waitress has left, I guess her shift ended. There's a tall dark skin man behind the counter, his long dreadlocks and his hippie style clothing make him stand out a bit. He's smile seams more genuine then the blond waitress did. I see how he talks to all the costumers and moves quickly between the tables refreshing coffee cups and cutlery, he looks young and happy. When he comes to my table he smiles and asks if I'm OK, and if he can get anything else for me. I smile back and tell him I'm OK.

He takes the dirty plates that the blond never came for. I pack up my things and put my coat back on, I feel cold and I haven't even gone outside yet.

I feel stiff too, since I've been sitting in the same booth for 5 hours.


	70. Chapter 70

**Chapter 70**

The next week it rains and rains. The forecast is for a whole week of rain showers and even a lightning storm.

I spend it helping Alice with the children, I don't go out, nor do I go outside the house, not to my therapy session.

I feel startled by every noise at night, or every door slam, or just anything that sounds loud. I'm jumpy and impatient; I try hard to be relaxed and to read some of the books Jasper has offered over at the bookshelf of the living room. They are all Religion and Psychology books not really what I would consider light reading.

I sit in my room on the little build-in couch in the window sill the light rain is pelting against the windows, it's been raining all morning so I try reading a novel that Alice recommends, it's a supernatural romance that I really don't get. They are too different and the guy could literally kill her, so maybe she's stupid for falling in love with him, having her pick at any guy that she wants, since she's the new kids in town.

I get to a chapter where they talk about him watching over her at night, he climbs in though her window and watches her sleep.

Talk about creepy.

There is a noise outside my window. But I ruled it out as soon as I see the dogs huddled up inside there large dog houses that Jasper has build for them -Jack and Leah are two chocolate labs that they rescued, they where tossed out of a moving vehicle in National City, a lady found them emaciated and about to die, and nursed them back to health. Jasper meet her when they took Whiskers to get fixed at the vet, and she told him that she couldn't take care of them since she already had like 8 dogs or something. So Jasper broad them home with him, Alice loves her cat and was worried about them getting along, but I guess everything worked out since they still have them.

They wine and whimper; I hear noises but can barely see through the rain. It seams like there is a shadow over there dog-houses. I hear them scratch the floor and they bark and howl a little.

I open my window trying to get a better look when I see the dark figure hovering over them. The lightning strikes and the thunder roars. The figure slowly turn's its head in my direction.

Suddenly I feel faint and a hand touches my shoulder. I scream in fear and droop the window loudly closing it. Alice shakes me trying to get my attention but I can only see the figure looking inside my window, its bonny white hands are poised over the glass. I drop to the floor as if trying to protect myself from the image.

I crawl backwards and hit my back and head against the wall with all of David's toys, the shelves rattle from the force of my body colliding with it. My eyes are watering in fear I'm hyperventilating and shaking with fear, there is no escape from this.

The hood obscuring its face, but the nose and the lips are visible, the sneer is there.

I hear myself mumbling and I can't stop, it's so fast that I can even make out the words, It comes closer as if trying to open the window and I hear myself shriek and whimper and scream and grunt, but nothing is getting through to my panicked brain.

I feel Alice at my side speaking rapidly, hushing me and trying to turn my head to look at her. But the figure keeps its gaze on me. I feel the warmed and the chill at the same time.

The figure moves its head as if trying to see clearly through the window glass, its lips close in a thin line and I see the glow of its irises, shining with the light of the room in the darkness of the night.

Before I know it everything becomes silent, I stand on my wobbly legs and slowly approach the window It leans it's head closer to the glass and presses it's lips to it, as if leaving a kiss there. There's a loud thud and that's the last thing I remember before the darkness takes me.

_I run down a long and wide street, my feet are bear; I feel the pavement under them as they cut my tender skin, the jagged stones prick the souls and I see the blood. I have to get away._

_They're chasing me._

_I know they'll get me if I don't run faster. I try to hide but there isn't anywhere to do it. All the small houses are closed, and it's night time. I hear the howling in the distance and the crunching of the wheels on the street._

_The wind has picked up and I'm cold, I look down a little and see that I'm only wearing a dark cloak, I pull the hood up to cover my head and warned out the cold, but it's no use I feel it deep in my bones, I keep moving and head to the intersection of the street where I can see street lights on, the dull orange light obscures the faces of the people walking across the street._

_I'm scared but I don't know why._

_I stop on the side walk near a liquor store and see a man sitting on the floor, he's leaning against the wall, and I can smell the alcohol and decay on him. It makes me curious and l move closer to him, and as if he was welcoming me, his smile spreads across his face, before I even register the movement, my hand is on his cheek and he turns into dust._


	71. Chapter 71

**Chapter 71**

The barking of the dogs and the giggling of the children outside wakes me up. I feel tired and a little disoriented. I get out of bed and move to the small dresser, I bring out all my folded clean laundry that Alice insisted I put into the drawers. I think she secretly wanted me to stay longer, not worried about wrinkles.

I move everything to the unmade bed and go to the closet, reaching on the top shelf for my red messenger bag. I move to the inside of the closet and bring out the only rolling black luggage that I came here with and set it open on the bed. I move back to the closet and bring out all the clothes hanging there as well as the new additions I brought.

I start folding everything neatly and fitting it into the large suitcase. I know I have to go. It will take some time to convince Alice of this. But I have to leave today.

I quickly finish up; take the bedding off the bed to get to the laundry. Before leaving the room, I grab the fresh clothes I left out, the little toiletry bag and the shoes under the bed and walk to the bathroom. When I shed my clothes, I notice dark angry bruises on my thighs and scratches on my arms. I figure it was my night terrors, they always make me trash in bed.

After showering and getting dressed, I styled my hair, did my makeup. Two things I hadn't done since even before I left Tijuana. I try to look better, or at leased better then when I first came here. I have to convince them both. Alice specially- She can see right through me and if I don't put on a good act she'll stop me and Jasper will help her.

When I come out of the bathroom I hear them talking, they whisper so low that I can barely make out the words.

-She's not fine, Jasper. She's been having nightmares since she got here, you've listen to her, why am I trying to convince you? You should call your professor and ask him to dinner, maybe if he saw her, and talked to her, we can convince her to start thearapy."-She whisper yells at him.

-"You know I love you baby, but if you force Bella to do anything she's not ready to, she'll crack. Remember when we where in Forks and you wanted to tell your parents about what she would say in her sleep? I told you to talk to her first. Remember when what happen when you did, baby?"- She huffs a little just before I hear the sound of lips smaking together and a little moan from Alice.

Eww seriously, they're kids are at the table. This makes me smile more then get disgusted. They love eachother, they have one another to lean on, to talk things through and to back eachother up if anything goes wrong. What do I have?

Nothing.

I keep my resolve and make a plan.

I will leave tonight and take this thing with me, it will not touch anyone that I care about.

As always what Alice wants, Alice gets.

At around 4:30 today, Alice has called all her kid's parents and in a matter of probably 20 minutes all the kids are ready to leave and are now sitting on the couches in the living room watching a Disney movie, something about a girl and some little people, she dances around the small house cleaning and all the animals are helping.

Cool! -Note the sarcasm.

The parents of the kids come to get them at 5:00pm and at around 5:30, everything is quiet, David and Dallas have had there dinner and are sound asleep in there beds. Alice invites me to join her at the little kitchen while she works on dinner.

I know what she's doing, and I'm not going to be here for this. I don't need to talk to some "quack" and tell him things that I don't even believe myself, let alone give him the ammunition to send be back to the nuttery.

Yeah, because everyone goes around touching sex offenders and they go disintegrating into dust.

I try talking to Alice, but she's in one of her moods where she's "relaxed" and "calm" and she's trying to take me there too.

I've seen her like this before, it happened after I told her about Jacob, and his disappearance. She was in this "pleasant" mood all that week. She wouldn't touch me or look me in the eye. I was afraid that I was losing her, but she came back to me and after I painted that image that was haunting my dreams and my every thought it helped and we where back to our "normal" selves.

I want this again. I miss my friend. I want to be near them but not in there house ruining there family life. I know that Jasper wants his wife back, I've been hogging her a lot lately, she talks to me in her spare time and mothers me a lot.

I know that Jasper wants them to be how they where before I came here. I'm sorry for that, I'm sorry that I've been taking advantage of there stability and there normalcy, I want that too, but I know I won't have it.

She's making lasagna, and garlic bread. She's put me in charge of the salad and she's preparing the pan with the flat pasta and cheese, I can see her pouring the tomato sauce over the ground meat and layering the cheese over it, it looks good.

I finish the salad and put the dishes in the dishwasher, and clean around the kitchen helping out. She smiles at me but still she doesn't really speak. I know what she'll say before she even tells me.

-I know Alice, you're worried about my night terrors and my sullen mood. But I'm trying honey, honestly I am. I've been going to the family center and they've recommended a doctor, I have the card here.."- I've prepared for my argument by having the little business card in the back pocket of my jeans. She smiles at me and shakes her head as if she's about to talk to a misbehaving child. But I cut her off. –I've been better, I promise, I even feel more rested. I sleped well last night, I don't even remember being afraid, or having to wake up…" –

But she cut's me off.

-"Bella, I found you screaming on the floor of the room. You where looking out the window and screaming that he found you. That he was here for you. You screamed out lots of names and even spoke in a different language, I never thought you knew how to. I tried to help you but you wouldn't look at me. You just kept hitting your legs and scratching your arms. You kept whispering that He'd found you….Don't you remember?"-

Her eyes are swimming in tears, her faces is a mask of pain. I did this to her, I hurt her. She knows I'm full of shit. I can't fool her.

I want to throw up.

She comes closer to me, I've sat down stunned by her words, I don't remember anything.

-"But I'm fine. I've been better; I even bought some supplies to start painting again. Don't you remember that I always feel better when.."- She cut's me of again.

Her face is wet, but I see anger in her eyes now.

-"What are you fucking saying? You know you're not FINE, this has got to stop. You are falling apart. You have serious issues to overcome but you're too stubborn to see them. Bella, you're dying inside, you're not living. For fuck's sake you're a stripper in a sleazy bar.. What the Fuck is wrong with you. You have so much potential. You've always had that creative spark and you're wasting away in a shit hole just because you think you have to…FUCK. Please look at yourself. You're going to kill yourself and I'm not going to be in time to save you….Please get some help. Talk to someone…I'm afraid for you..-

She's gone from yelling at me to pleading for me to get help.

I stand and hold her.

She loves me, I only have her. And she's pleading me. What the fuck…Might as well give it a try.

For Alice


	72. Chapter 72

**Chapter 72**

The table is set, the lasagna is in the oven as well as the garlic bread.

We're both sitting on the loveseat holding eachother and trying not to cry again. The TV is on but the sound is off. We've talked about last night several times, and I can't seam to remember anything.

She tells me what she heard me say, all of it as if I can piece my dream with her words. I try, and try, my head hurts and my eyes are sore from so much crying. We've been sitting there for a long time when the sound of keys on the front door startles us.

We move slowly apart and Alice quickly brushes her hands in the corners of her eyes, catching any stray tears from our previous crying fest. I move to stand and she smiles sadly at me.

-"I'm sorry for all of this. Please don't hate me. It was my idea, I thought I was doing you a favor, I thought I was helping, I promise I won't say a word during dinner, only if you promise to talk to Jasper's friend after dinner, we'll give you privacy, you can go sit out in the backyard, or here in the living room, Jasper and I could go for a walk, around the neighborhood, we haven't done that in awhile, the kids sleep like the dead so no worries."- She pleads and rambles trying to make me see her point.

I smile at her worry about this. But nod to her hart's content. She hugs me tightly.

The sound of shuffling on the foye alerts us of company and there stands Jasper with a worried smile. Behind him is a tall burly man with curly dark hair and sky blue eyes, his face is chiseled and strong, he looks intimidating, so much so that I begin to panic. He must have caught my distress, because he moves away and smiles waving his hand at Alice. His dimples appear, making him seam approachable and nice.

Jasper moves in closer to kiss Alice hello, and when walking pass me he squeezes my shoulder in greeting and in solidarity. I know he wants me to be well just like Alice but he keeps his guard up with me, always has. I know he cares for me because he knows me and.. well mainly because Alice does. I know that I'll miss him too once I leave there home. I'll give this a try, just for tonight. They don't need to know that I'll leave them and never come back. I don't want to burst there bubble.

True to there word, we don't talk about anything regarding my situation. After introductions, in where I awkwardly shake hands with my potential therapist -who seams more like a football player then a doctor; he smiles a lot, and is incredibly polite.

He eats heartily and hmmm's and ooohhh's at Alice's cooking prowess.

He talks about his wife, constantly as if he misses her or something.

Later during dinner I find out –when Alice and I put the dishes in the dishwasher and clean up and Jasper and Dr. McCarthy sit in the living room enjoying some coffee, that they've known them for months, and -the wife, she never mentions the woman's name, has been having health issues, they've been trying to conceive and had had no luck. She's in a fertility treatment facility as we speak, having a procedure done. He's been with her for almost two weeks, effectively missing his . appointments. Dr Hunter -Dr. McCarthy's college has been taking over his case load. He seams too happy to be in a situation like Alice describes.

I feel petty thinking about my problems when there are people out there living there lives and trying for there dreams. I feel like I'm only floating around in space not doing anything.

I sit in the breakfast nook and run my hands through my hair. I feel anxious about all of this. I'll have to talk to this guy and knowing about his personal life makes me feel uncomfortable.

I'll start to care and then I won't be able to fool him and just leave.

I pick at my nails and stand up as I'm restless, I put my hands on my back jean pockets, and I feel the little appointment card for the therapist assigned to me, remembering what the lady told me, that the on call therapist was out on vacation and that a new temporary Doctor would see me this week. I read the information on the card and there in black ink the name...Dr. Emmett McCarthy.

Fuck my life.

This is just too much coincidence to be random.

I hand Alice the little card and she smiles at me.

-"Providential, wasn't it?"- She moves her head to the side as if encouraging me to go outside to talk to the doctor.

But I'm not really ready.

Dr. McCarthy makes the choice for me, by moving into the kitchen to get a glass of water.

-"Bella, right?" – I nod nervously.

-"Why don't we go out to the backyard, there's a clear night and full moon out and we can talk"- his invitation sounds more like an order, when his large hand engulfs my shoulder, he gently squeezes signaling for me to follow him as he takes the glass of water Alice has poured him.


	73. Chapter 73

**Chapter 73**

The moon shines high in the sky, like a beacon of hope, but I don't feel it. I've geared up to be numb tonight. I know he'll ask questions that I don't want to talk about, mainly about my attempted suicide which by the way I don't remember.

I swear half the mental ward of doctor's –OK the ones that spoke English, asked me about it, I'll tell him like I told the others, I. Don't. Remember!

I can only remember being depressed and sad, but I don't remember being that desperate. I know my life hasn't been a bowl of cherries, but I'd never thought of an easy out. To me suicide had always been regarded as an easy way out. All that hard work surviving and trying to do something with my life just to turn around and drop everything? I know I sound like a suicide hotline. I know that most people would think that having been through all the shit I'd seen and lived would make me callous, cold and eager for a numbing escape. But no, I'm not saying that I love how I live, or that I love what I do, or that I'm happy selling my body or more like letting Aro sell my "company" as he so politely calls it.

I'm not sure how I ended up doing it, but after the first time it was all easy to me. I was out of my skin when it happened, I wasn't really there. I had checked out.

I never felt him enter me. Or his surprised gasp when he saw the strike of blood painting his cock from being to rough with me. I have never had sex willingly, never thought of it as a desire I would like to fulfill. I've never felt aroused sexually. The thought of a man's body makes me quiver in disgust.

To me all men look for the same things in women, they want to dominate and to conquer, to hurt and to obliterate. I know most men want weak and compliant women to submit to them and do as they please, I've lived too long in a world of drugs and prostitution and hurt, death, grief and abuse that I don't know anything else. My guard is always up. It's what keeps me sane. Being here with Alice and Jasper makes me weak and vulnerable. I have forgotten how to save myself, how to keep from getting hurt.

So after sitting down on the outdoor iron table set, I feel afraid. I know he's not going to hurt me –physically but still I feel frightened. I know that he'll ask, or more that he'll see right through me, he'll voice out loud what I've been trying to bury deep inside in the dark.

-"So, how are you feeling?"- He startles me with his first question. So simple but at the same time it's loaded. How I answer could be taken in a lot of ways. I feel nervous and anxiety starts to fill my body. I cross my leg and shack my foot back and forth rapidly, my hands ball up in my lap and I bite my lip. I feel his gaze but I'm afraid to face him.

-"Fine"-, I practically whisper.

-"It's OK, Bella. What ever you want to tell me is fine, where only getting to know eachother. This is not even a first session. I'm only here to listen and to let you make a decision, an informed decision of your options. I know some background about you, very little I might add. Jasper and Alice are very worried about you- mainly your night terrors. Alice tells me that they've gotten worse?"- His voice is soothing, he's trying to make me relax.

I'm still reluctant to look him in the eye. But I chance a quick look towards him and I see him sitting there leaned back, his fingers are relaxed and twined over his now protruding stomach. His long legs are stretched infront of him and crossed at the ankles under the table. He's the picture of ease. I chance a look to his face and his dimples are etched in his easy smile. I look into his eyes and find an expression of understanding and patience that makes me relax.

I take a deep breath and lean back, letting my head rest on the back of the soft cushion of the chair, I slowly stretch my legs out and mimic this position. I try it, but don't feel natural doing it so I fold my legs on top of my chair but still rest my head back. I take a few minutes to gather the courage and arrange my thoughts as to where I can start this.

I look over the doghouses on the far left corner of the yard and feel a chill. I see the dogs lying on the ground just outside there little sanctuaries. And I feel uneasy looking at them so I turn away. I look up to the shinning moon; it's so bright that it illuminates everything. I feel myself hesitant to speak so I just don't.

-"So I take it that it's hard to talk about them?- Doctor McCarty has caught on that I'm not willingly giving anything away.

I nod, but not elaborate.

-"I see. So…. OK, I got an idea, what if we play 20 questions and that way you don't really have to talk about them, you can just answer yes or no"- he smiles excitedly, as if playing this game will help me talk. He's sweet to try, but still I really don't see the point of it all. I know that talking about them won't make anything go away.

It'll only make things come back.

Things that I've buried in the dark to keep me safe.

Things that I don't want to remember or think about ever again. I don't want to have to see them or live them again.

And I know that talking about them will only make the pain palpable.

And I don't think I want to go through that again, just for the sake of getting rid of some stupid dreams.

But deep down I don't know why but I know they're not dreams. I think they're really happening and it's what scares me the most.


	74. Chapter 74

**Chapter 74**

-"Have you ever been to therapy, Bella?"-

I shake my head no.

-"Have you ever talked about your dreams to someone?"-

I nod, reluctantly, and he catches on, with his next question on the tip of his tongue.

-"Other then Alice?"-

I shake my head again, with my eyes a little wide.

-"Have you told her everything that's happening to you?"-

I shake my head again fidgeting and start biting my nails.

-"You know, when people bite there nails, it's a sign that they are hiding something important and they are about to say it, so how about it?"-

He smiles, his dimples making him seam more approachable, more dependable and they want me to tell him, to say all the bad shit that's been happening, all the things that I remember in those moments between sleep and awareness. I want to tell him everything, just to get it out. But what will happen then? It will not go away and leave me empty. I would want it to leave, I would want it to take the weight off me and just be gone.

But it never happens the way it should be.

I close my eyes and just take a chance, but nothing seams to be coming out of my mouth. I open them and see that he's still there, an image of patient and understanding just as before. I try again to speak but it's not coming out.

-"You know there are other ways to talk to me. You could write it down and I could read it. I promise it will stay between us, if you decide to have me as your therapist."- He leans to his left, propping his arm on the arm of the chair resting his head on his closed fist.

-"I think that would be better"- I barely get out in a whisper.

My body shakes with the sudden drop of the temperature, he smiles and let's me off the hook, by standing up and stretching his long muscular arms over his head. I can see a sliver of skin from his belly.

-"Hey, how about we go inside, It's getting chilly and I need to go see my wife. We're trying for a baby, you know?"- He smiles thoughtfully.

–"God willing she'll be pregnant this time. Pour Rose has been through so much"- He keeps his eyes on the far side of the yard, towards the doghouses.

I see him staring out in the night, and I wonder what's been going on in his life. The thought about having a child is crazy to me, I've seen so much shit in this world and I'm not that old to be like a veteran of war or something and be having these thoughts.

I lead the way back into the house and he follows in, he puts his large hand on my shoulder and leans just a little closer towards my face, he's not uncomfortably close, just in a polite-I want you to listen to me closely-way.

-"I know there's a very long story behind your night-terrors, Bella. And I know it's difficult for you to voice it. I suggested the journal in a non patient-doctor kind of way, I would like for you to start writing from as far as you can remember. Do it before going to sleep. Try and keep it near you during the night, so that if you wake up you can write on it that is if you can remember what you dreamed or maybe what feeling you have.

"It will help, I'm not saying it will fix everything, but it will give you an outlet so that you won't be keeping everything bottled up just ready to burst"- He smiles.

Patting my shoulder he walks towards the foye to get his coat. I follow him to say goodbye. I know that I'll have to call him to make an appointment to start, but still I haven't really made a decision.

-"Please tell Jasper and Alice goodbye for me. And Tell Jasper that his sister will be fine, They're Mom and Dad are in town for Rosie's procedure, and want to see the kids, please tell them not to be so stubborn, we're family and after all it's not the kids' fault, they need there grandparents"- He smiles sadly.

Oh, my God, Doctor McCarty is Rosalie's husband. I'm a little stunned and angry. Why would Jasper call up his brother in-law if they don't really speak?

Alice.

It hits me like a slap on the face. I just hope that instead of causing problems I can actually help to patch things up between Jasper and Alice's family.

Of what I know, Jasper's parents where so angry at them that they kicked them out. They wanted Alice to have an abortion and send Jasper away to a University in Europe. Alice told me that he had gotten into an exchange program in the psychology department. But since they where expecting he had to give it up. That I would guess made his parents very angry.

I'm taken out of my hazy state by little David's giggling. I walk towards the nursery where he's been sleeping with baby Dallas.

I open the door slowly wanting not to wake them up. I see the small ballerina nightlight in the far corner of the pink room.

On the opposite side huddled behind the changing table I can see the dark clock and the bear feet.


	75. Chapter 75

**Chapter 75**

He's been here all this time.

With the children.

I feel faint and the chocking fear almost makes my lungs burst, because I'm hyperventilating at this point.

I know what this feeling is leading to.

A panic attack

But I can't be selfish right now, I need to save them, they're just babies.

It can't be here.

I should have never been here.

I know what it is.

It's been courting me since I was a child.

It knows **me.**

It wants **me**.

**Not them**

**Not them.**

My mind screams.

I need to get it out of here; I know what I'm supposed to do.

I walk to the corner and fall on my knees right in front of it. I feel the tingle in my temples as if butterflies are behind my skin, fluttering they're small wings. The heat is there too, it comes from my forehead and goes to my temples, I feel it behind my earlobes and down my neck. It takes a journey into my chest –but just where my skin is exposed. The need that's always been there is intensified. As I feel the temptation of the fear and the lust –which now is a new emotion…

I remember grandmother Whitlock's prayers -she was as close to a grandmother I ever had; when we where at her house visiting and I start.

"Our father, who arth in heaven…"

I pray closing my eyes and concentrating on the words, letting it all become conscience and not just a litany or a chant. I want it to mean more; I'm asking God for help, this presence cannot be here, it should not be here, I want it away from my loved ones.

With all that is inside me, with all that I can gather I keep praying until Alice and Jasper's running footsteps alert me.

I sit back on my feet with tears running down my face.


	76. Chapter 76

**Chapter 76**

-"I have to leave, your not safe with me here, they're not safe"- I tell them in a whisper as I look over to the children asleep on there beds.

Alice's eyes are wide with fear. Her posture petrified; there is no going back after this. She will hate me. She will think me crazy and will give up on me. There is only one option.

Leave.

I turn to the figure sitting in front of me and I pray harder, I start praying but my brain doesn't register the words, my mouth on the other hand keeps reaping them over and over.

-**"****Benedicite****, et ****nolite ****eos ****servire ****eis ****nolite ****accipere, nolite accipere"**

And then the only sound now is the erratic rhythm of my heartbeat and my staccato breathing.

-"They're in Latin… those words you kept repeating, they are a ply in Latin"- Jasper's voice startles me in the now silent room.

I look towards him and notice that the children are no longer in there beds, the covers are on the floor around me and on my shoulders. I also notice that it's almost daylight. I look forward but the figure is no longer there. I've been praying on my knees almost all night, I can see the graying light coming from the window.

-"Bella… Can you hear me?"- Jasper's voice is soft and concerned. I look into his eyes; the deep blue of them is almost endless. I can see myself reflected in them, his worry is practically pouring out of them; I nood acknowledging his presence and answering his question at the same time.

-"We need to help you, honey. This is not good for you. Alice has been going out of her mind with worry about this for too long. Can we talk about this? You need to talk to us about it."- He comes not too close to me and sits on the floor in the middle of the room.

-"I've been reading up on this, ever since Forks. I'm sorry but Alice confided in my after you told her about that Quileute man…."- He sits there quietly for a moment to gauge my emotions.

I frown a little, but still I'm quiet, letting him talk.

-"It was too much information for her to handle by herself and since you **are** her best friend and she loves you so much, she wanted to help you but still keep your secret."- He keeps his eyes on mine but I know that his mind is now far away, probably remembering the day Alice told him about her crazy best friend's weird secrets.

-"So the thing is that since that man in Forks was never found or heard about again, Alice and I started researching your condition… that's what made me want to go into Psychology"- He blushes, as if revealing this piece of information is giving too much away about himself.

While I'm the one with the crazy shit happening non stop, and he seams to feel embarest about wanting to be a head-shrink.

I take a deep breath and just stare at the pink carpet –give it to Alice to find the perfect shade of pink that matches the wall and all the furniture, it's like living inside cotton candy, it's pretty thought, perfect for a little girl.

A perfect little girl.

There perfect little girl.

Suddenly I feel too awake and determined; I feel like I really can't talk to them, I just know they wouldn't understand. I move my legs experimentally trying to get the ant farm I feel on my legs and try to get some circulation on them before I stand.

-"Listen, Bella. I know I'm not a professional therapist yet, but you seamed reluctant to talk to Emmett… I mean Doctor McCarty….shit"- The expression on my face tells him that I know the secret.

-"It's OK, Jasper. He told me everything. Well almost everything. I know that he's your brother-in-law. So Rosalie is married?"- I try to steer the conversation away from me. I just got to get him to get past my brand of crazy so that I can leave today, before they call me a fitting for a straightjacket.

-'Yeah, she'd been dating him since she whent away to college, and they've been married for a year. He's been worried about all this shit with her, but he's a great guy and he loves her, so when they called me up because they wanted to try an experimental procedure here in California, I got to see them and they got to meet the kids. He's a great doctor, Bella. I really think he could help you. You should give him a chance"- he looks hopeful. What should I tell him? That I don't think anyone can help me? That this thing will haunt me until I'm dead and even then I think it would never leave me.

I feel tired and sore from sitting here for so long.

I move to stand and he quickly stands to help me up. I apreaciate the gesture because my legs are wobbly and tired.

-"Let's get you to your room and you can sleep for awhile"- I don't answer just let him take me to little David's room.

As we pass the hall I see the main bedroom's door open. The bed is made and the curtains are still drawn shut.

She left, and she took the babies with her. I feel disgusted with myself. I feel like the worse person in the world. I've brought something dark and dangerous in to there home.

I want to curl up in a ball and cry until there are no more tears to wet my face. But now will be the worse time to do so.

I need to leave.

I let him lead me to the room, as I've been standing in front of there bedroom immobile for a few seconds. He can see my face I know that must of send her away so that he can probably take me to the hospital or something. But I won't give him the chance.

He stirs me by the shoulders and sets me in front of the bed, turning my body so that I can sit. I feel dazed, almost comatose, I'm tired, and sleepy and hungry but most of all I feel the ache in my chest for Alice and the children. I know Jasper won't tell me the truth, I know she left to protect them from me.

So I'll do the best thing. I'll just leave.


	77. Chapter 77

**Chapter 77**

He tucks me under the covers, and looks into my eyes, I feel like a misbehaved child. His expression is of worry with a mixture of anger there. He closes the curtains on the window and secures the lock on it. I see him walk to the dresser and remove some items, but I can't tell what they are from where I'm laying down.

I see him walk into the hallway and close the door, but then it's like he realizes something and then opens it just a crack.

-"I'll just be in the living-room; Alice took the kids for breakfast so that you could have some quiet time to rest. She'll be back soon. Sleep, Bella; we'll all talk and everything will be better, honey"- He smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes.

I know that she won't come back with the children. She's not stupid. She'll just make up an excuse and pretend that they're probably staying with her friend or something. I know she'll be scared of me. Just like in Forks. It's frustrating, but at the same time I understand. I know this is her way of dealing with my bag of crazy. And if it makes her feel better to have her children away from me, then I'll just have to deal with it.

I actually want to leave but sleep overtakes my body and a doze on and off for a few minutes, I know this because I keep staring at the digital alarm clock set on the little night table next to the bed.

After almost 45 minutes of sleep I stand and get my things ready. I've packed everything already so there is no excuse to just walk out. I hear the door bell. Alice wouldn't ring it, she has keys. There's someone else coming, the fear of the unknown spikes a shot of adrenaline and I walk to the closet and grab the large rolling luggage. Opening the window, I throw it outside, it lands on the grass. I take my red messenger bag and trapped to my body and jump outside the window. I land on my feet and proceed to guide the large black rolling bag through the backyard and to the side walkway to get to the front of the property.

I walk slowly and careful not to make noise, I can hear from an open window the male voices. It's Jasper and another man. I think its Dr. McCarthy. They seamed frustrated and unsure, I can hear Jasper's voice trying to be calm, but there's and edgy panic to it.

I come to the entrance gate of the front of the house and open it careful not to make any loud noises, when I'm safely outside I close the latch on the gate and walk down the street.

I look behind me so make sure I'm not followed but there are several cars now, parking by the house, a large black SUV and an ambulance.

I keep walking quickening my pace, trying to look natural but at the same time moving faster away from the house. I watch as a red beat up pick-up truck makes a u-turn right in front of me and the man inside wearing an Chargers baseball cap, he smiles at me and asked me if I need a ride. I smile back and move to the back to put the bag in the truck bed. As I sit in the passenger seat, with this man with deep chocolate colored skin, I thank whatever power out there helped me get out of the trouble I was just about to face.

The truck moves towards the Mexican-American border line now. Alex -the nice man that's been giving me a ride has asked me general stuff. I know by our talk that he lives very far away from the boarder, and that he works in construction in San Diego. He's nice and polite; he's married to a Mexican doctor, they have 2 little girls, he's actually from Atlanta but met his wife while she was on a convention in Las Vegas, and they soon married.

He seams very nice, fatherly even. He's offered me a ride to cross back to the US, as soon as I finish my visit to "my sick friend". Yeah, I had to make up an excuse on the spot.

Because a young woman with a large bag should definitely not be accepting rides from strangers, now a days; as he's politely indicated.

I shrugged and have smiled apologetically. I offer to pay for gas. But he refuses and gives me his cel phone number as soon as he drops me off on the sidewalk in front of my apartment building. I thank him and grab my stuff quickly, trying to get in as soon as possible. I just hope that the land-lord hasn't evicted me while I was gone.

I walk up the stairs slowly trudging the heavy rolling suitcase, it's almost six in the afternoon when I finally finish cleaning the apartment, it still has a moldy smell that I'll probably never get ride of. The paint looks cracked and stained but my pictures are still there.

I feel worried and sad that I had to leave like that from Alice and Jasper's place. Not leaving a note, not telling them I'm sorry, or even telling them thank you for caking care of me. It just seams sad and wrong.

I grab a sweater, the temperature has dropped since I got here -this always happens during the evenings, I look into the now clean refrigerator, but I don't have any food. I grab my wallet and pick out some money to go to the corner store.

As I walk out I hear the little old lady that lives under me. She cracks her door just a tad –she's a nosey one but nice, she washes and irons clothes for a living, she also cooks meals and sells them on the street, her young granddaughter helps her out, they walk around the neighborhood selling tamales and champurrado, sometimes burritos and agua de arroz, those are very good. She sometimes used to feed me when I was low on cash, she's a nice lady, but now that I see her, she looks very angry. Her eyes show disapproval and desdaine.

I know I've fucked up, I really don't need her judgement. But she still feels like she needs to show it. She doesn't understand a word of English, but still I get her –Muchachita estupida"- she practically spits it out, and the way her eyes narrow and her nose turns up just a tad, I know she's cursing me.

I walk out with my head low, and sad that I've lost another one.

Why do people leave me?

It's been awhile since I felt this.

The street is dark, the streetlamps have been flickering on and off the whole afternoon, this city is beautiful at night but dangerous.


	78. Chapter 78

**Chapter 78 **

I feel it.

It's just as I was thinking.

I walk out of the building huddled up in my long black coat, I raise the hood over my head, the wind has picked up again. There seams to be a very particular fenomenon in this city, or in this area of the city. As soon as the clock turns to 5:00 pm, the wind pickes up and sweeps the street, it really doesn't matter what day it is or what season, this always happens. I've lived here for almost a year now, and I usually go to work around this time of day. The club opens at 6:00 so I have to be there earlier to get ready and to find out my schedual.

I walk to the corner store ready to shell out some cash to get descent food. I'll miss Alice's cooking and her taking care of me, chiding me about eating to little or making me eat and extra serving or take and extra piece of pie or browny. Yeah, her brownies are deadly you definitely can't just have one. I'll miss them. I'll miss David's cute little giggles, and his curiosity, the way he would hold my hands with his chubby little fingers, the way he loves his baby sister, he's a great older brother, he helps Alice take care of Dallas, and they way he looks at Jasper, like he's his heroe.

Dallas is the most beautifull baby girl I've ever seen, she is a very sweet baby, Alice and Jasper are lucky to have her and to be able to have eachother.

The wind blows my hair agains my face, it goes inside my hood and flings it over my eyes and mouth. I try to hold in behind my ear and I move faster. As soon as I'm inside the old little corner store, the lady behind the register smiles at me. She doesn't speak a word of English, she looks at me with narrowed eyes, her bad black died hair looks too harsh against her pale skin, instead of contrasting and making her look good she looks sickly, sallow even. Her small eyes and crocked nose make her look older. She wears old ratty clothing that smell of marihuana and incense. The fit of her chilly sauce stained shirt is probably one or two sizes too small for her frame and the skin of her belly and back hang bellow the hem. Her jeans are thight, too thight that the seams on the side of her legs look like they are about to burst as she sits on the small stool.

I go around the store filling my arms with the essencials, breat, butter, mayonasse, toilet paper, a can of beans, a gallon of fresh water and a half gallon of milk, I walk to the register and carefully put everything on the glass case, I ask for some eggs, cheesse and a jam. She moves sluggesly to get my order ready. I wait patiently for her. Her husband comes in to the store, his eyes roam my body. I'm always covered up. He can't see anything, the only skin I'm showing is from my face and hands. He smiles still staring at me. I look up to see his bloodshot eyes. He reaks of pot. I see it in his stand and his lazy smile. There kids are in the back I hear them arguing, there oldest is slapping someone. Then I get a glimpse of dirty sticky curls, and small eyes, his skin is light but covered in a sheen of sweat and dirt. He's wearing a t=shirt a dipper and that's it.

He smiles at me from his place next to his mother's leg. He's holding a toy car, it's broken and old, but he holds it thightly to his chest. I wave my hand hesitantly and he smiles wider, he looks to my right as if he's looking for something. He leans away from his mother to get a better look, but when I turn to see to where his gaze has gone, I fell a tugging on the hem of my coat, I look down to my right to find another little boy, this one with short cropped light blond hair, his face also dirty and smudged, he wears a spiderman t-shirt and ratty and wholey jeans, his feet are bear and dirty. He smiles at me and whispers.

-"Oscar, metete cabron"- I hear the male slurring voice. They little boy looks to where his father stands waiting to hit him as he passes, he turns to me and pulls on my arm so that I bend down to his leavel. I kneel on there dirty floor and look into his eyes, he moves my face with his small dirty hands and whispers in my ear:

-"Sigue contigo, no te quiere dejar. Dice que esta preocupado por ti. No lo vuelvas a hacer, te quiere mucho, pero te va a dejar. No lo hagas otra vez"-

He has a little lisp and he talks so fast and my Spanish is not too good to undestand him, he is small and thin, he's eyes move around my form as if looking towards someone that isn't there. I know what he's trying to see. I stand quickly and rubb his head lovingly. He smiles at me and walks towards his father who's staring at me with a confused face.

I shy away from his stare and move closer to where the woman shows me the add up of my purshes and I pay her.

I walk back to the apartment, the wind has let out.

**TRANSLATIONS:**

**^^ -"Oscar, metete cabron"- = Oscar, come back inside, motherfucker"-**

**"Sigue contigo, no te quiere dejar. Dice que esta preocupado por ti. No lo vuelvas a hacer, te quiere mucho, pero te va a dejar. No lo hagas otra vez"- = He is still with you, He says he's worried about you, Don't do it again, he loves you very much but he's going to leave you. Don't do it again.**


	79. Chapter 79

Chapter 79

I walk up the street to my building, there are some young kids playing with an old almost flatten soccer ball, they're kicking it around and talking in loud voices, there smiles are bright, and they only wear shorts and ragged t-shirts. To me it's still cold, the wind still whips my hair but not to violently against my face.

As I enter the lower level of the building I hear some crying and the smell of cooking food is in the air, I also hear male voices speaking angrily as well as some female whimpers. I know what's happening but I have to concentrate to walk up the stairs. I still feel it close to me, it's following me every step. I open the door to my apartment and as soon as I close and lock the front door, I feel ensconced in to this swirling heat and the tingling in my body intensifies, I can feel the fluttering behind my skin. There is a longing... a lustful longing.

I know this is strange and kind of messed up but I wake up early today and make my breakfast, I walk around the apartment looking at the images on my walls, I feel happy to be back here, it's like it's were I belong, it's where it is. I'm still I little frighten about this whole thing, but I want to understand it more, I want to communicate with it, maybe it will leave as soon as I get it's message, or maybe it wants me to do something for it.

Today I'll be going to the club to see if I still have a job to go back to and to know what's been going on while I was in the nuthouse.

Of course I won't be telling them anything, I'll just say that I was ill or some shit like that. Aro will be pissed and I hope Heidi can cover for me and be on my side.

After painting almost the whole morning on the supplies I'd bought in Chula Vista, I finally have some stuff on the canvases. I mounted 9 on the wood I still had.

I paint and paint.

I feel like I can't stop.

I've done 5 already and still my paint covered hands move rapidly against the canvas, the brushes and the rags aid me in discovering what's behind this.

The dark hood makes several appearances, I find hands that are so delicate and soft but still masculine and strong at the same time. I find a pair of lips that are stained in red, almost bloodied. The tip of the nose that picks from the hood also angular and prominent. I fell a strange anxiety, an almost euphoric need to finish this, as if painting until I can decipher the images.

After awhile I need some air, so I open the window, it's almost 3 when I realize I haven't had lunch, but this compulsion to mix the colors and uncover the images hidden on the canvas is too much. I feel a draft against my back and the tingling sensation against my cheek. My hands tremble and my body almost boats against the heat and the desire I feel.

I walk towards the canvas again and poise my hand on the side of the face I've been working on. I have the outline of the features this is a male, his eyes are almost feline, the eye brows are bushy and give an expression of masculinity but also delicate almost feminine.

His nose is straight and long, the tip a little crocket but still very angular. His jaw is strong, his lips are pouty, and they almost look soft.

I'm surprised at how every detail of this face is so defined and as I see the almost finished painting I try to think of someone that he may resemble, but I'm lost.

I sit on the floor on the side of the window, I look outside and try to write in my small journal, but nothing comes out.

I see the old trees swinging in the breeze. The sandwich I made for lunch still sits half bitten on the small night table. The water glass that always sits there is half empty. I can see the little dust particles swirling in the water as if they are dancing to an unheard rhythm.

I look at the small watch on my nightstand and notice that I only have two hours to get ready. I stand from my place on the floor, and walk to the bathroom.

The clothes are on a pile on the floor and I'm soaking in hot scented water, I even drooped a few cinnamon teabags to the water, I have almond oil covering my skin to soften it. After sitting there for a while thinking about everything that has been happening in the last months, I feel myself shiver a bit. It's here sitting in the corner of the bathroom, I can almost see him. I know now that it can't stay away.

I sit up a little, the water sloshes it covers the floor. I feel the heat coming from the corner of the room, and it almost burns my skin.

After everything is ready I put on a pair of skinnie jeans and an old soft tshirt, my hair is up in a messy bun and the sunglasses I'm wearing will cover my gaze from everyone.

After a few minutes I'm totally pissed, my keys are missing and I'm late.

I had cleaned the apartment, but now it's a desaster area, I've even turned the furniture upside down looking the the damn keys, but nothing is there.

FUCK! I scream my frustration to the universe.

After sitting on the floor and pulling at my hair, I get the idea to call the supper and ask for an extra pair. He seams to be pissed and a little frighten of me, since Demitrie talked to him about me, and payed my way overdue rent he gives me the extra keys and gets off my case about the water damage to the apartment below mine.

I go back to my apartment and grab my messenger bag and pissed I mumble to the figure sitting on the far left corner of the room. I can see the shadow but not really the figure. He's here.

I know he is, yeah, it's a he, I know I heard the long sigh when I got out of the tub.


	80. Chapter 80

**Welcome one and all!**

**Thanks to all the new readers and reviewers, I love reading that you like this story and I'm really sorry I haven't been able to respond to many of you, as I've stated b4 I can't really answer questions regarding the plot, but I invite you to keep reading to find out, I know it's a long story but all will be answered, and like all of you I love me a HEA, and this story definitely has one, not what you would expect but it sure does. **

****Warning****

**This chapter has a very vivid dream sequence and it's highlighted in bold so that you'll know the begging of it, I'm sorry if this triggers bad feelings for anyone, I actually had this dream and let me tell you that I woke up panting and crying (sad to say it's a recurring dream, that's why it's so vivid)**

**OK, enough of me talking.**

**Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 80<strong>

I don't stop until I'm in front of my locker, I open the lock with the combination and get my bag out, I feel a wave of nausea but I try to breath through it. I really don't want to stop to vomit. I put on my hoody and walk out the back door.

I feel the presence behind me but by now I know that it's useless to turn around, I won't see anything. I can only feel it.

I've never told anyone about it, but I think I'm being haunted, with my luck it's that fucker Jacob trying to get his revenge on me for toasting him, the images that come to me are too frightening and to gruesome to ignore.

Fuck! I can't think of that anymore, it will just drive me crazy, as if I'm not already.

I stop at the liquor story on my way home, I forgot to clock out, but who the fuck cares, they'll still deduct some hours even if I'm there.

I had only been back for two weeks and everything has changed. Aro decided he didn't want to be in the club's inner workings so he hired Miguel a tall blond blue eyed surfer type, he is very nice, very happy go lucky and totally smitten with me. Heidi's words.

"You should totally give him a try", she smirks at me while I walk pass her on the lower floor of the club taking the drinks to the tables.

She's nuts to think that I would want this guy near me after all that's happen to me, but she doesn't know all the shit that I've been trough, no one does.

And Aro's condition to give me my job back was that I had to pay Caius' medical bills.

Fucking asshole as if what he tried to do was all novel. Yea, like I fucking care what happened to that disgusting piece of shit.

I buy a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of cheap tequila, which has quickly become my routine, but tonight I'm too depressed, I feel an ache in the pit of my stomach and sensation of fullness, it's unusual, I can feel the heat and the soreness. My body aches all over, but my stomach is in knots and the nausea comes in waves.

I try to breath through it, but when I get home I unlock the door quickly and run to the bathroom and empty my stomach in the bowl.

After I strip down and draw a bath on the old chipped tub I get in and close my eyes. I feel it.

It's still here with me.

I submerge my head in the water, wetting my hair.

This is just too fucked up.

I feel alone and lonely.

I can hear the quietness of the night and it intensifies the feelings I've been harboring. My eyes water and I feel hopeless. It's too much; these emotions feel like they are too big for my small body.

So I burst in to sobs.

I come to when the chill of the water makes me quiver with cold. I get out of the tub and rub my body dry with an old towel, I feel the chill still in the room, I know it's still here.

I look myself in the mirror for a few minutes, putting my hands on the sides of the low sink.

And I make a decision.

I know I'll have to leave this place soon, I can't stay here forever.

Then I remember what just happen to me that is making me decide whether to leave or stay longer.

_**I'm in the middle of a shift when it happens again, I see it. It's huddled up on the side of the stage, it looks at me with its beautiful deep gray eyes and everything else banishes as if we are the only two in the world.**_

_**I walk to it slowly, trying not to startle it. It looks like a frighten animal. His head is lowered, his chin resting against his chest, the hood is over his head covering his head. **_

_**And then I see it, the small lifeless child in his hands, he looks at it, his hands caress the small head, the child's eyes are closed as if it was sleeping, but there is no movement from his chest. The skin is bloodied as if he has just been born and it's everywhere, it covers his hands and feet, it paints his skin as if it was normal. He leans his head over the small body and presses his lips carefully on the small forehead, when he raises his head to look in to my eyes, the expression is of devastation.**_

_**I see him open his mouth as if to speak but the only sound that comes out is a guttural scream that drowns every noise, it is so loud that I feel my body vibrate from the intensity, I can't hold on to anything so.. I faint. **_

_**When I come to, Heidi and Demitri are over me with worried expressions, Miguel is holding a small rag that smells of rubbing alcohol under my nose, they speak slowly and they try to make me feel better but the only thing I can think of is the small bloodied body in the hooded figure's arms. I get up as quickly as I'm able with wobbly legs and an unsteadied pace, I move to the other edge of the club and head for the dressing rooms to get my stuff and get the hell out of this place.**_

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><p><em><strong>More today!<strong>_


	81. Chapter 81

**Chapter 81**

As the sun rises in the horizon, I sit on the side of the tub, I've made a thick latter with the white soap, and covered my legs, as I shave every possible inch of my skin, I move swiftly but with precision. After my legs and under my arms are smooth, I take the detachable shower head and rinse the latter left on my body. I dry myself and move to the mirror above the sink. I brush my hair, and moisturize every thing that is now hairless.

I open a drawer under the sink and bring out the little blood red bottle courtesy of Alice and her incessant nagging of getting me beauty products to make me feel better and refresh the polish on my toes, my hands are a little shaky but I've made my decision, I will not waiver.

After I'm clean and refreshed I go to the kitchen and close the window and pull the drapes closed, I lock the front door, and clean the apartment, as I walk around in the nude, moving and arranging everything, I don't feel the heat again, I don't know if it's here, I don't really know if I feel safe to some degree and it's kind of sick on my part since this thing hadn't felt in a long time.

As I remember the first time it stayed with me more then a few hours I remember how frighten I was when it followed me for almost a week, I felt depressed and unsure, I slept well but during my waking hours I felt drained and lost, like I had no hope in the world.

I know my decision stems from it being here. I know that even if it wasn't here I would still do it, I feel like it is something that has to happened and that it has been a long time in the coming, like a prophesy or a scripture, like if I don't attest or act soon it will swallow me up and I will be no more.

This frightens me.

I know I have no one to care for, well except for Alice but she has Jasper, she has her children, what will I have? Now I know that I will never have that –not unless I take myself out of this.

I prepare everything, it has to be clean, all in it's place, nothing out of usual, no doors unlocked, no windows open, my clothing will be on the bed, and everything else should be given away, Still I have nothing of value, except….

I know it will not be today, but still I have to do everything right before I leave.

So I lay in bed waiting to feel again. A few minutes pass and I feel the burn again, it's what keeps me alive, I understand now. Sleep comes for me and with it comfort and numbness, I know that if it left again I would die.

I feel numb tonight nothing has affected me more then that look on the blue eyed man that day as the police officer handcuffed him and sat him in the squad car. I could see the desperation and the intensity, he wanted and needed something that was lost, his eyes the most beautiful shade of sky blue seamed dull as he sat there staring at me. I wanted to help him; I wanted to sooth his pain, you could see it pouring out of him. But it was too late, he was gone. Those feeling gave me that image at the club, the child. It looked un-born, it looked as if it had been ripped out of it's womb.

I had a panic attack that day, it was so bad that I almost pulled my hair out, I huddled up on the bed and after a few minutes that feeling was there again, that burn that calms me.

Today Miguel calls me, I know I can't tell him anything that's real, so I just mumble that I don't feel right, that I'll be back soon, everything is empty, my words, my voice. I sit on the couch trying to make myself small as if doing this he won't know I'm about to break, I close my eyes and the images from the club are back, I feel the heaviness of my head and the fluttering in my temples, my heart is beating faster then normal, I can tell that I'm entering that dangerous state again, the one that I can't get out of on my own, my breathing is harsher I can hear it on the phone. I don't really register what he is saying but I just answer no, not really knowing if it fits to his question, but I just want it to stop, as if saying no will make everything slow down.

I hear him say something about the money I owe him or more the club, but that's about it, my mind is too far gone but I guess my mouth knows what to tell him to stop him bothering me. He hangs up and I'm free to collapse in hysterics in the privacy of this room.

I wake up that night after almost two weeks of not going back to work and decided to paint again. I sit beside the window in a pair of small black panties and a long t-shirt smoking. I know I've said I would stop but it's the only thing that calms me these days. I feel like it would all should be different but I can't seam to get out of this.

I look to the corner of the room where my easel and the painting I was working on is now almost finished.

I want to finish it before.

The light from the small lamp on the nightstands is too dim to really see the corners of the room where I know he hides in. I know he's here again, that feeling is back, the longing the indescribable burn in my skin. It's never on the surfes of it. It feels like it's between the layers of me, between muscle and bone, between skin and arteries, it's in me. It feels like a calling and a warning, a necessity and a luxury, a need and the pain of a wound that will never heal, it makes me smile.

So I stand carefully, slowly the shadows change and the air thickens as I move around the room, I sit on a chair but it's too far from where I want to be, so I walk carefully to the darkest part of the room, and there I feel it, the fluttering inside my skin. I breathe in the sent of the night and practically whisper "I can feel you here".

I close my eyes and imagen the figure, tall and lean, I raise my hands close to my body near my chest and there I find purchase. It's almost palpable, the softness of the cloak, I move my hands higher and there I feel heat, body heat. It steams from a breath and I can feel movement, I hesitate to move closer but then I hear the whooshing of breath again, encouraged I stroke softly what I can guess to be a firm chest, I trail my hands to the back and there I find smooth skin more silk then steel. I move closer and I feel the burn on my face as if his touch is imprinted there, my smile widens, it wants me, I knew it. I want him too.


	82. Chapter 82

**Chapter 82**

I come closer still pressing my body to his and my lips trail kisses dampening the cloth, I turn my face up enticing him, testing his resolve, I want to feel his lips; those lips that I've captured only on canvas.

I take a deep breath but the pressing on my chest is too heavy and I can't seam to breath. I feel faint and like I'm about to leave. My skin is too hot but not just the surface but down to the core.

The flash of light catches me of guard and there I see a beautiful face, those same sad blue-green eyes and the lips tell me that it's not my time, I turn my head to look back at the figure but it's so frightening and I can't catch my breath.

I try to move away from it, but as I do, I feel like I've been thrown to the side. My body jerks sideways and before I can catch my balance, I feel the chill of the night on my exposed legs as I sit on the floor of the dank little balcony outside my bedroom window, I have a half smoked cigarette in my hand and I'm still trying to catch my breath.

He's called me several times but I hadn't been answering, he left me a message that he'll be sending this guy here, I fill stupid for being afraid.

I clean all the brushes and the cloths so that everything looks presentable, I wear a nice hunter green dress and flats, I've done my hair in a wavy messy way, simple but sexy.

The guy sounds like an lawyer, according to Miguel.

Yeah, now he's the one pimping me, since Aro was too busy taking care of some business.

He sits on my old couch in a gray two piece suit with a white crisp shirt, and no tie, he is older than I had expected. His hair is salt and pepper, he is handsome by all standers, his deep brown eyes are a nice change, his skin is dark almost cinnamon.

Yeah, so I go out with him and it's all the usual,

"tu eres muy bella y talentosa, me gustaria llenarte de diamantes".

Yeah, the guy is a real price, after dinner and dancing he gropes me and takes me to a cheap motel, but the catch is that this time I'm really there, I can feel, I can attest to all of it. Before I know it, I feel my skin start to prickle and I'm covered in dust.

I open my eyes and move as quickly as possible, I grab my things and move to the bathroom, grabbing a towel I clean all the surfaces and the doorknob, as I move to the door I glance back and notice that his wallet is on the bedside table, I grab it and run out.

Stupid, stupid, stupid…

I chant all the way home…

It's been another week. I'm working tonight, it's hard to believe but its been quiet, and I don't just mean tonight but all week, it's almost too quiet, I've had trouble sleeping again, and when I do, the dreams are back, I see large meadows and wild flowers, I can hear music far away and heel stomping on wood. I feel like I'm underwater and I can't really see what's happening. The beautiful green eyes are back, I see him smile but he's different, he seams younger, his hair is longer and waves in the wind, his skins is sun-kissed, and gritted with dirt, he seams happy but not complete. I'm left longing for him.

Tonight I'm weaving through the tables taking drink orders and flirting with the customers, I girl's got to get her tips. They love my type, the quiet, reserved almost school girl image that I have here.

My first and only experience dancing only showed me that I had to play my strengths in this business, so I stopped using too much make up and strengthening my hair. The soft curls and the doe eye make up is a great perk.

Aro is here tonight, I guess that's the only exciting thing happening, but I see him sitting at the bar. That's not his usual behavior, so I'm a little uneasy.

He approaches me with his sleazy smile a few hours before my shift ends, the one that we all know he does just before he fucks you up or makes you do something disgusting.

-"I need you to entertain this gentleman sitting at the bar, Bella"- He gestures towards the blond, green-eyed man with the blue suit.

He looks handsome and wealthy, but I can see more, his eyes are sinister, his lips smile but it's not of happiness or anticipation, it's a terrifying sneer the kind that Caius has plastered on his face. I know this type; they are looking for more then just a date or a fuck. He wants something special.

Aro's been itching to get ride of me, I know it. He's pissed that I only wait tables now. He knows that he can't keep paying me if I'm not hooring or dancing for him. Well I don't give a shit, after this it will all be over.

I smile at the man on the stool as I approach; he's wearing an expensive watch and a pinky ring. He's drinking whisky that James keeps refreshing. He talks to me, introducing himself as Alec, his green eyes sparkle when I tell him my name, his eyes roam my body slowly as if it where a snake slithering over my skin and I see his hands flexing in to tight fists when I tell him at what time I get off work. He agrees to meet me here so that we can start our "date".

I walk quickly into the wardrobe room and got to my locker, Heidi just stares at me as if in shock.

-"You're not going to do it? Right, Bella?" Her voice cracks a little. I know that she wants to look after me, but I don't need anyone to do it, I can take care of myself, I've been doing it all my life.

I don't answer her, I mean what am I supposed to do, tell her that I've decided it's over.

That I'm not worth saving. That I know I will serve a better purpose once I'm gone.

No, I simply smile at her, and node, she's frighten for me, I know.

So I change my clothes and put on a shinny midnight blue tank top dress and let my hair down. I reapply my lipstick and check that my eye make up hasn't melted from the heat of the club. I grab my leather jacket and my black bag, and I'm off.


	83. Chapter 83

**Chapter 83**

The drinks flowed.

I ate, laughed and had a good time.

He was polite and charming; I liked him, his eyes where captivating and sincere.

After dinner and a walk around the city as we talked and got to know eachother, he asked me to come to his hotel with him. I was hesitant at first but decided that what the hell, who could really get hurt. We had talked about art. He was an art dealer and own several art galleries, in Europe as well as in the US, so I asked the stupid question of what he was doing here in Mexico, and to my surprised his expression was confused. –I'm here for you, Bella"- he smiled bigger. I was surprised at his answer but shrugged it of as a come-on, after all he had been flirty all through the night.

When we entered his hotel suite, I got a glimpse of the opulence he represented. The room was large and beautifully decorated in soft gold's and pearl shades, the living room area had sumptuous couches and Victorian style furniture.

He handed me a drink and I sipped it watching him move across the room, loosening his tie and removing his suit jacket. He sat on one of the couches letting his arms extend on the back of it, looking completely at easy as I moved closer and sat next to him. I knew what was happening, this was not new. But I'd be damned if he got to be in control.

I slowly touched the buttons of his white button down shirt, carefully undoing them. His skin was tanned and toned. He was handsome to any standards but the glint in his eyes was a little intimidating.

I moved closer and put the glass on the coffee table in front of us. My eyes never leaving his, I moved closer and my lips touched the soft hairless skin of his chest. His fingers wound in my hair, and I felt his hands stroke my head. The shock of the force that he used to shove my head on to his groin was surprising that I squeaked involuntarily. I moved my hands and he captured them with one of his. The move startled me.

-"Do you really think I was going to be gentle and sweet to you all night?"- His voice sneered against my ear.

I whimpered, and he moan in pleasure. As if my discomfort aroused him.

I felt the hardness of his member against my check as he kept my face pressed to it, I tried to lift myself up, I wasn't really going to struggle or make noises that I knew would only goad him on. I knew his type he would more likely get off from hurting me then by the actual sex.

I felt him take a deep breath and then I was free.

-"Get on the bed now, you dirty cunt"- His voice was a frightening whisper.

I moved quietly but in my haste I tripped and landed face down on the gold thick rug, the dark marble floor underneath making my knees and elbows sting in pain.

He laughed and moved closer to me.

–"This is going to be so good"- his voice was too close making me shiver.

My mind started to wonder if this would be it for me, was I being punished for something I did. Will I be saved like before? But nothing happened; I was alone in this place with a man that would hurt me.

I felt him pick me up and take me to the bed, I didn't struggle my fear paralyzing me. He tied my wrists to the iron headboard and my legs to the end, I was immobile and still frozen in fear, my voice was gone, I'd been here before, well not exactly but it was familiar, the fear the desperation the loss of voice and the pain in my head. The heat started to quicken in my belly, as it shot from my head, I felt it in my arms and legs, going down to my hands and feet. My eyes where closed and I could hear myself in the back of my mind chanting words that I didn't even know I could say. The quickness of my speech was filled by a noise in my ears like static, it was like when you turn on a television set and there is no reception. The noise was deafening that my brain was completely drowned by it. My inner-voice was low trying to filter trough the noise but it seamed so faint that I could only be in my mind.

I felt the bed dip in the left side and hands where at my breasts, he squeezed them roughly and ripped my dress down, I kept my eyes shut and my breathing steady. I knew what would happened, I had to be away in my brain, not present when this happened, I knew that if I was here that I would not survive this time.

Another pair of hands touched my thighs and then my eyes flew open. The beady eyes and sneering smile of Caius hovered over me. He said nothing but roughly pinched my nipples, his hands grabbing and twisting my skin painfully, I held my breath not wanting him to hear me voice the pain. I watched as Alec approached Caius from behind, his bare chest flushed to Caius's back. Large hands caressing Caius' neck and shoulders. And then leaning his face close to his ear and kissing the skin there, Caius turned and crushed his lips to Alec's, the searing kiss was more brutal than intimate.

I turned my head away from them still unable to use my voice and close my eyes to block everything, I startled a little as I felt the sharpness of the knife when Alec cut my panties off.

I was exposed and helpless against them.

At that moment I knew that I was dead.


	84. Chapter 84

**Chapter 84**

The heat builds and builds as if trying to break free from my skin.

Caius's face twisted into pleasure as Alec kept his hands running over his skin, he moved to the waits band of his pants and unbuckled them and drew them down. Caius' erection sprang free and as soon as it did Alec caught it expertly gripping it tightly in his hand. Caius moaned and closed his eyes in pleasure. I looked up at them in there moment, Alec's hand moved and moved on Caius' hard flesh practically pulling out the grunts and moans of pleasure from his stomach, his other hand was no where to be seen.

I averted my eyes unable to keep looking at them, they where a couple, they seamed to have been together for some time, the way Alec whispered softly almost lovingly into Caius' ear.

The closeness of Caius' face to my stomach startled me and it made me squeak in fright. He was bend over me with his eyes closed, and an expression of intense pleasure. Alec was entering him slowly. I was too close to all of this, it seamed they got off on having me helpless and watching.

Alec's hips where flushed to Caius he then made him stand so that in turn Caius could take me.

The heat that it seamed to be filling me, suddenly shot thought my body at the moment he entered me, his strong and fast thrust made my body arch in pain, but the second his calloused hands grasped my hips steadying my movements, my eyes open and I got the image of Caius' face turning gray in the dim light and his expression of a silent scream, his eyes bulge out as if trying to escape his face, his breathing fast as if his lunges cannot hold enough to expand, I felt his grip lessen and his body bowled over mine and I scrunch my eyes to protect them from the falling amber and ash as Alec's face comes into view when Caius' body completely disintegrates above mine, his eyes are bulging out and I got the distinct push of his own body just before he pulled back, his bare skin cinched from the amber marred where I could see, he moved back quickly, his back to the wall, he scrambled with his clothes, trying to pull his pants up and move to the other room at the same time, his bare feet slip and he falls on the smooth marble floor. His voice is low, I can hear his sobs of pain, and anger from the other room, as if muffled by fabric.

My skin burned with the thickness of the ash and I trashed and moved, and writhed on the bed, trying to free myself. It was hard for me to breathe as the thick smell of burned flesh over powers the room. I hear his frantic breathing close to me, too close.

Wasn't he afraid of what just happened?

Wasn't he curious to what causes a human man to just spontaneously combust while raping a woman?

I try to speak but still words die in my throat. I grunt and moan, trying to find a way to be free. He comes closer; his eyes are wide in terror. He doesn't dare touch me, but still his fingers reach out but hesitate in the space. Afraid that by doing so or just daring to do so he will suffer Caius' fate.

I feel the burn again; the low hum in my ears, the tingling and fluttering in the back of my eyes, my skin vibrates as if small wings are behind it. My hands tighten on the ropes that bind me and then as if by chance I feel the loosening of the ropes. My hands come out to fight against him but he moves away from me.

-"How?"- He stumbles back the tear tracks still wet against his cheeks, his face a mask of horror as if he is looking at the most frightening creature in hell. I move to untie my legs and crawl out of the bed; he crouches and cowers in the corner of the room, his hands in front as if that would save him from my wrath. He shakes and shivers as if I would hurt him. I feel the burn again and this time I see the shadow close to me. I feel the tingle right over my shoulders as if it was supporting me, guarding me, encouraging me. I lean close to the cowering form on the floor and slowly extend my hand out, the tips of my fingers barely touch his palm and at that second he whales in pain as if he'd been stabbed.

I remove my hand and he breaths and moans as if the pain had subsided. I do it again just to make sure it's not really a trick, and he screams in pain again as my fingers touch his wrist. I sneer at him, and I feel the numbness of it all. It's as if I'm in a dream and this will all be gone when I awake.

The smell of the burned skin turns my stomach and I bolt for the door but not before I watch the body turn to a pile of ash.

As I walk out of the suit, I hear footsteps behind me, there on the door is a tall figure obscuring the light from the room, in his hand is a shinny gun. I don't hear the noises but I feel the pain in my chest and stomach as he unloads it on me.

Stumbling I get into the elevator, blood is seeping from my flesh, the dinging of the elevator is the only noise keeping me awake as my body betrays me into a false state of tiredness. I sit on the floor leaning against the back wall of the elevator. It's too late for a weekday for anyone to be up. When the dinging changes alerting me of my arrival to the lobby I stand as quickly as I can and try to walk normally well as normal as someone with several gunshot wounds on there body. Lucky for me no one notices since it's practically empty.

I catch a cab and pay the man as soon as I'm outside my building, the pain is almost dizzying and I can't hold on much longer, I stumble up the stairs and with a shaky hand I unlock the door.

I'm half way inside my apartment when everything goes black.


	85. Chapter 85

**Sorry for the long wait... I've been having trouble finding time to write... but here is a new chapter!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 85<strong>

-"It's her!"-

-I know it's her, Dominic. We've been watching her all along. Seriously mate don't you read the reports?"-

-I didn't think it necessary since we're always tracking the same ones".-

-"But this time it's special. You have to read the whole story to know what we're supposed to do"-

-"So…..what do we do now?"-

-"Wait for the others. Now hush and stand in your place"-

I hear they're voices low and above me. There seams to be one that is in charge of what ever it's happening. I keep my eyes closed and pray that they leave soon. I don't feel well and I don't want to entertain anyone tonight. There seams to be something wrong with me because I feel faint and woozy, like at whatever movement I'll be vomiting.

Have I eaten anything today?

Maybe that's it.

Maybe I haven't eaten anything and my stomach is protesting. I hear the faint passing of there steps around the room. I don't know where I am. But I can feel a breeze so maybe I'm near an open door or window. It feels nice against my skin. Wait a minute. Am I wearing anything? I try to move but I'm stuck. I can't move my arms or legs. Do I have legs or arms? They are not there. I can't feel them. Maybe it's one of those times when you've been in one position for a long time and your body falls asleep.

"… We can't take her there, you dunce. He'll find her. We have to ask first if it was alright. Jeesh, I thought you got this job because you knew what you where doing, not because you stood out in that crowed."- They argue.

I've missed some thing because I feel warmed against me and now I'm flying.

A few minutes passed. Of course it could be hours or days but what the fuck do I know. I can't feel anything, but warmed and the breeze.

The hardness on my back wakes me. I hadn't even noticed that I had been lulled into sleep of what ever this is called. I could see pictures of people and things I didn't really recognize but it felt like I should. I was starting to stress but I reminded myself that this really didn't matter, I was along for the ride and I should be enjoying it.

The moment I realized this I was broad back by a sudden descent and a hard surface against my back.

Shit this just got weirder. Now what do you supposed the fuck is going on here.

-"Hush now, woman. We will have none of that language."-

What? Did I just say that out loud?

-"No you did not, woman."-

Woman, what's that shi… I mean what is all that talk about… woman. Where does this dude get of..

-"SILENCE"- the sound of the word vibrated inside my head and body. I feel helpless.

The breeze is now going around me. I feel it whooshing as if a tornado was blowing and I was in the eye of it. Slowly but surely I start being aware of my body.

-"Now you will listen and not interrupt and all your questions will be answered with out you having to even think them."- The punishing male voice instructed.

-Now… See us!" He whispered in my ear.

I opened my eyes and was struck by the expanse of the room. It almost looked like I was outside. Or was I outside but it looked like it was a room? I really didn't have the answers; all I knew was that there where several dark figures surrounding me where I lay. All there faces where obscured by the same black hood that haunted my dreams every night. I shivered in fright. My head was moving to every direction trying to take in my surroundings but it was useless, everything was dark. There seam to be many shades of darkness- the shadows that momentarily took my attention where behind the heads that now moved looking at eachother as if they where having private conversations, they would look upon me and then to there sides. I had a limited vision to what was beyond the shrouded figures. I felt myself spin in a circle several times and it frightened me even more, it became as if it were just one figure all of the sudden, and as it spoke to me I could feel myself getting lower or it getting higher above me.

He explained what my "crimes" where, but my mind was too jumbled to understand clearly that I was actually being judged. There was no signed of skin or visible features to any of them, just the low glimmer of irises under the hoods.

I never felt pain or tortures discomfort, but the fact that I was spinning and helpless where I lay, was disconcerting enough.

After awhile everything was silent, for a moment I started to feel my legs and arms and I could move my fingers and toes.

-"You will stay in this place until we can find a reason to give you purpose"- The figure at my feet lifted his arm and a long white hand appeared out of the black clothed. He gestured around him and I moved my head fixing my eyes to where he gestured around the room that now appeared.

The faded green walls appeared as if by magic and then the small window with the tattered drapes where visible, as well as the light from the small lamp on the night stand beside the double bed with the old faded blue blanket. The walls appeared too and as if drawn by invisible hands the drawing started to appear.

My hands where freed and went to cover my body, the feel of it seamed odd. I could feel the flesh but it was dry and rubbery. Startled, my hands keep moving identifying the changes, the small flakes that fell from my chest and stomach and the large wholes where my fingers entered made me shoot up to a sitting position. And that's when the feathers feel on my lap.

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><p><strong>Please review!<strong>


	86. Chapter 86

**Chapter 86**

I was different, that much I could gather I wanted to see my appearance in a mirror but there was none.

I paced the small room constantly making the wood floor almost lose its natural patterns because of the constant rubbing of my bare feet.

There was no one to talk to or to ask. There was no hunger, no pain, no boredom, no thirst, no sleep, no nothing… No emotions what so ever.

The suspension of emotions, of needing, of wanting was just not there… All it took was his words and I was alone.

I sat, I stood, and I even crouched on the corners. The only knowledge of time passing was the rotting of my flesh, I saw how part of the skin from my sides withered up and then fell off, I rubbed my nose and with the passing of time it just became an exposed bone. I bend down to look at my feet and they too had been exposed to this agony…

As the seasons passed it did nothing to my mind, I kept alive and lucid, and I kept all my memories and dreams, all the aches of the past where like phantoms lingering in my insides.

After awhile I had a routine. I would sit on the farthest corner of the room as the shadows would pick in from the outside, although I was never sure if it was them looking inside or looking out. From time to time, then the darkness would engulf me again and I would pace the room, after I could no longer see the walls from the dizziness, I would scratch the wall to make a mark dating the day as if it would be passed, after some time I started making images again, the walls seamed to give when I would scratch them constantly so after awhile his eyes would look at me, his hands could be position at my shoulders, his body even from the dark matter that I had carved it from would support my arms and I would hold it for comfort, but what comfort was there needed in this place if suspension was all there was?

In this place of nothingness.

This place where I was held, at times it was obvious that I wasn't alone, since I could hear the moans and grunts of others, scratches coming from the walls, bumps and crashes sometimes accompanied by words in other languages, but never anything I could understand.

I was lost, or maybe found; I was suffering or maybe healing. I was punished or maybe awarded… Too many ifs… Too many questions unanswered and all at the tip of my tongue, but nothing or no one ever approached me since that day when I was taken and brought here.

The heat of my skin that once protected me from danger, now it seamed to be eating me up from the inside out; I was suffering with out any pain. I had been looking but not really seeing anything concrete.

But at times I could make out some light from that tiny window that I could remember once being bigger… Big enough to let me through it; but now it seamed to only hold me in.

I never spoke, I never uttered a word, or a noise, of that I was certain.

What would it change?

How would I get out of this?

Even if this place was a desolated hell. Why was I here?

And, when would I be out?

Or, if I was ever going to be out?

Who would want me like this?

I was sure that my body was no longer alive, the flesh had been rotting and falling of my bones, after today's new image… yes that was the only thing that made me move after the shadows where gone from sight. The images on my walls, they where overlapping at this point and I had started to make them on the floor and ceiling, my hands and feet could hold me suspended over the walls for long periods of time in which I used to scratch his face into the dull material of the ceiling, his eyes changed several times, I could see him clearly, I could tell even his age. At this time he was now a young adult, strong and sure.

His abilities where now surfacing and humans where scared. I knew this.

They all knew, and soon there would be another gathering and another dual, the rumble would start as had it always been, or at leased how I had seen it done several times now. The windows would grow larger and the shadows would beckon us out, the first few times I was too numb to do anything or to even understand what this was, or what was happening.

So I stayed petrified inside this little hole I called my own, and never even ventured to look at what the noises where, by the fourth or fifth time, I finally got the courage to pick outside the grown window and there I saw how beast-like figures surrounded a small circular type room, the windows all lite up from the inside where I supposed the beings had come from.

Backs against the grey walls, all solemnly standing or kneeling some missing legs, or arms, others with barely a human feature to there faces but the body almost animal-like. There they all waited for the command, I never heard any noises until it was almost over, the two figures where summon to the center and as a small flash of white light displayed from a nearby object in the hand of the hooded men that had kept us all here; the beast-like subject commenced circling eachother and clawing at the air in an aggressive way. The taller one with deep blue eyes connected against the rotting flesh of the torso of his opponent and there he took his advantage to use all the force in his other arm that still encased the bones by some type of fleshy material and swung his also claw-like fist against the other's face and effectively slamming the whole body against the gray wall, the ones standing or kneeling there where all crushed under the weight of the crumbled competitor.

"You may choose, freedom of servitude in a human form or finish your sentence here in the vowels… think wisely for there be no coming back, yourself maybe lost as soon as the human realm is entered" Everyone could hear in a non voice from the hooded man guiding everyone. The tall beast-like figure panted from the strength used to fight its chance out.

His head had been lowered and his body bowed in servitude…

"It has been chosen" The voice of one of the hooded men rumbled loudly into the room.

One of the figures approached me and with chains and iron cuffs I was restrained and taken from the circle. The tall figure then raised it's head and the deep blue eyes pierced into mine, the sneer that spread against his lips that where almost black send shivers down my spine, the deep rumble that suddenly came into my head, unmasked it self and gave way to words.

"Find him and bring him back, don't let anyone deter you from your mission, and tell my human self to not fall pray into despair that the child will come that he must take care of her, they will have there desired little one, he mustn't take her into that office building, most souls that inhabit this place are cause to be here by them…Don't let it happen Bella, we know you, we've seen you, he will need your strenght and forgiveness"


	87. Chapter 87

**Life is like a box of Chocolates... You never know what your gonna get (Forest Gump)**

**Yup, and he's totally right, I know nothing I say here will take the anger away, but I am sorry to have left this story frozen for so long, losing one's writing mojo is horrible... when I started writing this story I knew exactly where I wanted them to go, what they needed to do to get there and how many chapters it would take, but when I got to chapter 59 there was a new idea that just didn't want to leave me alone, so I followed it, it will still end where I want it to, and there will be a HEA, well not a convensional one, but I think you'll all be happy with it, from this chapter on, there going to be longer, and I think I'll be updating sooner. I've started a new story, that I'm not sure I'll be posting soon, it's what saved this one. No worries I'll finish this one before I post the next one. **

**OK, so Thanks for hanging in there, I hope you enjoy it!**

**And see you at the bottom.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 87<strong>

My eyes where flowed with water, my trout was dry but not unbearably so, I had a headache and my stomach was growling.

I raised myself from the soft, fresh smelling bed and lifting my hands above my head to stretch my aching bones; the loud crack that was heard startled me. I then moved carefully to sit and lowered my feet to the floor. As I looked down the picture that met me was some what comforting, pinkish skin, red toenail polish, a little cracked and chipped but still there.

The nightgown deep purple and faded in some areas, my hands had seen better days, wrinkled and withered from the elements and time.

Hands that may have feed people, or helped them grow and nurtured them, hands that may have done good as well as had power. Hands that may have brought pleasure and even ecstasy to someone. Hands that now looked fragile and old.

Looking up to the far side of the large brightly lite room I found the reflection on the far front wall, a large gilded mirror stood against the onyx black background, a large olive green chair right beside it. On the left corner of the room a floor to ceiling window that joined the corner of the room, the green and black window treatments with specks of gold gave the room character.

On the other side of the room a two door entrance in dark black wood with golden accents, the walls all painted in a series of golden tones, shading from marigold to a deep opaque gold that accented the tall lines of the ceiling. The room was large and the little furniture scattered around made it look sumptuous and rich. The bed that I now sat on was a four poster tall king sized in dark black iron, the intricate design had vines and small flowers to the simple observer but if you looked carefully in some areas it looked like little faces all with pained expressions some reaching out in supplication; the linens on the bed where a deep gold, the carpet that was at my feel also that same gold color.

I stood trying to walk to my reflection in the mirror, but all I could see was the image of an older woman with dark black long hair surrounding her white skin. Her dark eyes told secrets and experiences beyond what I could ever guess, she was beautiful in her age, she still held the markings of a beautifully desirable woman, her straight nose and full lips, her high cheek bones and angular jaw, she was quite intriguing.

The body that accompanied the face was slender but curvaceous, long shapely legs, rounded sexually enticing hips that could probably had bared children or comforted many lovers, all ending in a slender waist, too small for someone of this age, abundant breasts supple and round; long slender neck and arms lean and slightly muscular, in whole the body of an elegant dancer.

I look over to the side where the window glows from the sunlight, the heavy curtains slightly move from the air coming in. And there I get my first emotions it seams in a long time. Longing, despair, wanting. I move quickly to the window and look out into the city, but it's not what I'm expecting, the city has morphed into a small villa.

The streets are stone, clean, the people walking by look well dressed. It seams like everyone is rushing to get to some place. And there pasted on a light post I see a red piece of paper with a flamenco dancer and some black letters. From this distance I can't make out the words but the red of the paper has peaked my interest.

After washing up and picking out clothing, walking down the long and wide hallway to an also richly decorated room that houses a tall white marble fireplace and long comfortable looking black leather and oak-wood living room furniture, the bright canary yellow door to the kitchen an interesting contrast to the subtle lines of the décor.

Approaching the kitchen I can smell the coffee brewing on the sleek chrome appliance, the place looks like a huge mirror, everything is chromed even the small doors to the pantries, and the kitchen bar as well as the surfaces. Guided by instinct as well as a very strict routine I approached the corner of the kitchen getting a hunter green cup from out of the covert pouring myself a cup of the deliciously smelling dark liquid. Opening another small door I picked out a color matching serving dish with the ingredients for a cold breakfast, I moved around the kitchen slowly toasting some bread and assembling a sandwich which I ate sitting on one of the comfortable stools, picking up and pressing a button on a long sleek silver remote from the counter the far wall illuminated and imagery appeared, soft noises and voices emitted from it… the news. I watched for several minutes all the comings and goings of the world, as I filled my empty stomach.

Filling full I took the dishes and cup used, rinsing them and placing them on the dishwasher, and as I dried my hands on the green kitchen towel I turned the screen off, walking to the other room, I picked up the bright green jacked that matched my dress and prepared to walk out to the street.

I walk out of the lonely and large apartment, locking the grand door, and turning to the elevator, as I walk I adjusted the black handbag that hung from my shoulder. The clicking of my heels echoes on the solitary hallway. As the doors from the elevator open I get a glimpse of my reflection of the back of the mirrored wall, gray skin and rotting flesh, bones exposed and long, tall black wings coming out of my shoulder blades, the clothing looks foreign, too wrong on this body, that is too emaciated to be alive, the black sheath dress I wore looked like it could be hanging on a wooden stick, the bright green jacket brought out the color of the jagged wounds on my neck and the puss coming out of them, but the most shocking of features was the dark hollow holes where my eyes should be, the whole picture seamed brought out from a horror film, it would have frighten anyone.

I turned closing my eyes steadying myself, taking deep breaths, I had not seen this atrocity, I had felt the decay during the time that I'd been in that place, that now had seamed like purgatory; suspended, not necessarily here nor there, guarded, where we waited but nothing really happened.

The dinging of the elevator signaling its arrival to the lobby floor brought me out of my sudden hellish remembrances.

I walked swiftly out of the building in to the hustle and bustle of the street. Turning to my left and crossing I walked with a destination in mind, one that I would have guessed that the woman that I now invaded the body of was quite familiar with.

The long window darkened and the tall graying wooden doors meet me and I produced a key from my handbag and opened the place up.

As I walked in and found the light switch the red letters on the display window came in to view, yrutloV eD airelaG, I walked towards the window and light the spotlights that illuminated the sculptures on display here, I moved as if on a routine of who knows how long around the establishment, dusting and arraigning brochures and cleaning some class cases as well as sweeping and putting papers and answering messages from the previous day.

At noon the doors where open for business, the lights in the inside where completely lit for the different paintings and pieces of art on display.

I walked the room several times making sure that the new paintings on our "Death" exhibit where properly hung and the lighting was not damaging the pieces.

The artist was an unknown; she had had anonymous benefactors that had send me a piece a long time ago, and while I had contacted them, they where out of the country for a long time and had not been available, the artist had disappeared and later found dead at her apartment with several gunshot wounds. She was young, and very talented I still kept the first piece in my apartment, the simple and cheap type of paper that the drawing was made in was that of regular school type construction paper, the material's used to create the piece where simple watercolors and shading with graying pencil.

The couple that had visited me two years ago, had been eager to sell the different pieces, but I'd been reluctant since I was closing this gallery. A few years back my last lover Salvatore had gone to New York on a scouting trip and had fallen in love with the artist, he now lived with the man in a rat infested studio apartment in the Bronx and was quite happy, I for one had gotten used to being alone so I didn't even blink when he send word of his permanent absence.

The murmurings about a new artist where always something to celebrate something to look forward to. The cancer had spread now and I had been thinking of leaving this place and retiring to the Rancheria that I had inherited from my family years ago, my great-aunt had been traveling since the death of her husband and I'd been wanting to see her again, she was a traveling gypsy much to the dismay of our family, she had been shone by my grandfather, and we where all forbidden to utter her name in his house. When he died he left the property and all the holdings and stocks and bond to my older sister but she too was very sick, before anything would happened to her she signed everything over to me, I now being in precarious health had no one to give this family inheritance to. Death had always surrounded me, haunted me, I felt alive while having it close, I knew it was unusual to feel this way, but I wasn't sure if this was me thinking or the presence I could feel inside me, moving impatiently as if roaming a cage like a wild animal.

After the circumstances that saved my life the first time I wasn't really sure if I was dead or just awaiting my turn.

I had been on this quest for a long time, he smiled at me once. I looked into its eyes and was rewarded, that night the piece of metal didn't hit me, but my husband.

The jagged edge just graced my chest but it punctured his, he died at the scene, the building had been condemned and we just wanted to get a feel of what we could do with the space. I had tried to dissuade him about it, but his eagerness and his beautiful excited smile was my undoing and his.

As he moved the bricks from there resting place he neglected to see that they where holding up a metal rod with a pointy end that was part of the ceiling, we walked on the second floor imagining the beautiful apartment that could build, the ceiling started to cave in, I took a few steps to take in the view of out future new place when I felt the heel of my favorite pair of shoes give in to the wooden rotting floor boards. I tripped and feel and it collapsed under me leaving me hanging from a beam, Dario ran to help me but the floor was too unsteady and he slipped too, the metal rod danced unbalanced and graced my dress ripping it and leaving a long bleeding scratch on the left side of my breast, that's when I saw the dark figure hovering over me, it's dark features intently focused on my face.

Dario lost his grip on the beam he was hanging from and fell to the floor impaneling him on the teetering metal.

I was speared, he wasn't I still continued with our dream the apartment I had lived for almost 25 years is where he died.

After he fell to his death, the dark figure suspended me for a few seconds and then I felt the cold against the skin of my wrists, the pain was so intense that I screamed out closing my eyes.

When I came to, I was sitting on the lower floor with the body of my Dario in my arms as he took his last breaths, the figure stood in the corner and watched as he made me promise to be open when the time came. I did, not knowing what I was doing, just crying and begging him not to leave me.

I walk over to the center of the room to the welcoming desk and lean over it, when I hear the tingling bell announcing a customer.

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><p><strong>For being so patient and understanding I will post the next chapter in a few minutes! :)<strong>


	88. Chapter 88

**As promised here is the next chapter**

**Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 88<strong>

Deep green eyes framed by long dark lashes. A straight long nose, an angular manly jaw covered in soft looking red-ish fuzz, centering in soft pinkish pillowy lips, a long and muscular neck, shoulders rounded and tick, long frame covered in old dirty rags. The once white shirt is open almost to his nipples; I could see the smattering of chest hair matching his beautiful mop on the top of his head and that sharp jaw line. The dark gray with pinstriped vest that he wears does not match his black trousers, long chains and strings grace his right thigh, they match the two dangling from his neck. I can see a back cord with a small ring with a red stone, and beside it a silver shinny skull. His right wrist is covered in a thick leather cuff with some scrolling and an image I can't make out. When he moves closer to me his large feet encased in black muddy boots shuffle making noise in the otherwise quiet room and leaving a faint trail.

His lovely smile was a quiet hello and at that moment I notice his youth.

I greed back and gesture behind me towards the different pieces of art hanging on the walls, I spoke quietly as if we where in a sacred place, as if we wore to breathed to loudly it would disturb the atmosphere.

As always I go through the motions with every potential customer, but this time it felt different there was a warmed that I could feel, an eagerness in him, a glow we could call it.

Every so often I glanced back gauging his expressions and interpreting his interest in all or some of the paintings, his face moves in towards one of the larger ones examining the detail of the wood frames. I remember being startled when the pieces came in, the tall albino man that brought them was quite adamant to have them displayed in there original frames, his face a mask of distrust as my two assistants unloaded them from his truck, the red head woman that accompanied him sneered towards the open back door where I stood, her face seamed like a mark of evil, the kind you see on the Mexican curious stores depicting devils or angels, witches or maidens.

Once inside with all the canvases uncovered I saw what he meant about them fitting perfectly with the artist's subject. After evaluating each and everyone of them he saw my interest in them and shared that the artist had done more, new ones he said, after selling 4 to a eccentric collector I called back Ivan Sartell and asked him to bring the new ones for a showing I'd be doing in a few weeks. Two days later Ivan was calling me to make an appointment to deliver the rest of the new pieces. In them where sculptures, and sketches, full canvases and slabs of polished rock with carvings of small and large images, all in all 15 pieces, in some you could tell it was the same person, it looked like it was chronologically someone's life the eyes always the same, but in some there was maturity the jaw in some was sharpened in others the torso seamed less child-like. All were beautiful and haunting.

As we where coming to the last canvases that hung on the walls the long hall gave way to the back part of the exhibit. The show had been a success and most of the large images and carvings had been purchased, that only left several sculptures, busts and the largest rock slabs where the figure was fully dresses and at the time that it'd seen it for the first time I hadn't taken the time to really exàmen it, it just seamed beautiful and very life-like but now that I saw it as I turned the corner it startled me because of the resemblance with this young gipsy man that walked behind me, it was uncanny the resemblance even the accuracy of his clothing, as if the artist had had him pose.

I turned to him and smiled. "These are the new ones" I whispered to him to come closer to the entrance of the large showroom.

As he was about to come closer he stopped and looked towards the front entrance.

"Thank you but I must go" he seamed disappointed. "May I come again?" He asked hopeful. He turned then and walked towards the entrance hurriedly. I followed him as if I'd been chain to his body feeling the pull strongly and unendingly

Words came out of my mouth as if someone was dictating them. "Would you like to meet the artist?"

"Tomorrow. Maybe?" I felt strange as if I was a marionette moved by an unseen force.

Offering this young man information I didn't yet posses.

"Yes" his voice quivered with excitement, his face lighting up from within.

I stepped closer towards the door as he vacated my building; I followed his form dazed, still feeling that strong pull towards him. As he ran towards a dark figure at the end of the road he turned back and smiled, his body almost glowing in the darkening afternoon, had it been that long since I first open the gallery this morning? He turned to look towards the figure that awaited him and as he came close to him a blue-ish glow light the figure, as if the young man was energy and the figure a bulb, they walked away together in that iridescent glow illuminating there descent.

That night I had terrible dreams. Tall shadows and fire pits, rhythmic guitar music accompanied by loud lamenting voices. Spinning figures and swirling colors, a shadow following me through a maze of small aluminum buildings. As I came to a small wood building with wheels I held out my hands for help but instead I felt the swift of a rush of air behind me, and instead of turning to protect myself I froze, an older woman with a menacing sneer approached me. "He is ours. You had your chance, he will not leave with you, now go… Go back and tell them you failed, he is alive and well, loved and cared for. We are his family now, no one will hurt him, you know our powers, you know I've been here way too long, and I've done so to protect him, to protect them, he was meant to be part of this… NOW GO!" Her face a mask of anger and fright, she knew well not to doubt my powers, I held my hands towards her and her eyes open wider. She took the small framed photograph near her and held it to her breast as an amulet.

A deep light washed over her and her eyes closed, the light ascended and her body dropped suddenly to the chair, slumping a little, the photo still held tightly to her chest.

I felt the dread of it all, they won't let him go, he was too precious to them, but I must fulfill my mission or else there will be no rest for me.

I feel the heat against me and as I turn I come face to face with deep green eyes, his face contorts into anger, pain, fear and confusion, my hand stretches out to touch his light, there's a small spark that flashes between us, and I see his face turn to nothingness, a pile of dirt at my feet.

I drop in pain, and I feel the light hitting me, it burns me, I feel weak and sluggish. I hear there voices and then I see the dirt transform again into the beautiful boy I'd seen at my gallery, I feel disoriented and move quickly out of this place.

As I walk back to my apartment building, I try to figure out how I got there, and where it was, it seams that it's almost to the outskirts of town, I can hear the music and the voices, the applause, and I'm curious but scared to go back. I walk faster in the dark deserted streets. When I'm safely inside my walls I drop to the floor, tears fill my eyes, my hands grip my hair.  
>"What is happening to me?" I whisper.<p>

"You have done your duty. We will now take over" A deep rumbling voice startles me. And I feel the air leave my lungs, the pressure in my chest is too much, I claw at my clothes, and fight for air, but it's no use, there's none to be had.

My eyes start to water and I fell like I'm going to explode, my finger nails scratch at my trout as if this will help get the air inside.

I crawl to my knees to the middle of the room, my head is dizzy and I can't feel my legs, my hands keep gripping my neck, I touch my mouth, trying to dislodge what ever is covering my windpipe. But there's nothing there.

I lay down on the cold marble floor and the last thing I see is the beautiful self portrait of the haunting artist that interest the lovely gypsy boy.

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><p><strong>I'm half way through the next chapter and will be posted next weekend. <strong>

**Until then Thanks for reading and reviewing!**


	89. Chapter 89

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.**

**Hi! *ducks down for any rocks or rotten food thrown her way* I'm guessing this apology is very needed. **

**So here goes, I'm sorry, I guess the muse for this story is that I have to be down in the dumps for this to really happen, and I'd been having way too much fun lately so this was sort of put on the back burner, I totally intend to finish this so please no angry messages or reviews, lol! **

**Anyway I have two more stories I'm working on, but want to have at leased half of them done until I start posting, Thank you to everyone that's still with me on this ride and welcome to all the others that have started along the way. I love hearing about your theories and what ever it is you want to ask or tell me. Ok I think that's enough of my rambling, on to the story!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 89<strong>

Needles and glass;

Barbwire and raw cement;

Splintered wood and rusty nails.

Everything was over.

I had failed.

The mission was forfeited by the weakness and depression of this body I had inhabited. She was too close that she even courted death in her sleep.

The place had reeked of desperation and loneliness, her place of work gave her a respite from her diseased existence, it was cold, almost like a living tomb; the marble the wood, the sparse furniture, it all pointed out to her wanting to lose herself in it and just give in. So my influence and the guidance of the hooded ones had driven her right in to its arms. And again Death had won.

And again I was back, but this time I could see the solitude in this place, the different creatures where not exposed or roamed the rooms. I could only hear the low murmurs and the faint shadows. My senses where again numbed and I couldn't see myself as being anything really. This time around, my flesh was not exposed or rotting; I could feel clothed and saw it when I looked down to examine myself. The black long robs covered me down to the grown. My hands hide inside too long sleeves, but when I raised them they where white as bones. Turning them, flexing them I could see the blue veins under the thin skin. I had transformed into this now.

But still this place felt like a prison, but more for the mind.

I fought the nothingness, the numbness. I felt the cold inside my bones, crystallizing the last feelings I'd had as Dolores Umbril.

Despair, hopelessness, worthlessness, sadness almost acute to depression, loneliness, longing and at the end resignation.

I fought it, but it was too much, like a giant wave swallowing me up. The cold seeping to every part of my brain, commanding it, guiding it to unwanted thought, giving in was not an option as I remembered his face, the softness of his gaze the curiosity and wonder in them made would surely melt the coldness inside me.

In a thumping sound a voice rose and broad me out of my memories, I felt exasperated to be taken out of my musings, I could swore I would have almost loved him. There was a feeling there a warm inviting soft feeling giving in, rearranging everything inside me, but this interruption had made it seized and disappear almost completely. I schooled my expression, because I knew they could even read me like that, and fixed my gaze to the floor, attentive listening to the instructions, I was now to inhabit a young girls body, I was to bring him back with me this time, and by doing so, opening the gates that imprisoned us here. I could feel the cold again, the sadness, I was sorry for everything that would happen, but I needed to see him again, I needed to touch him this time, I felt a new emotion kind of like excitement mixed in with anticipation, I was aroused as I thought of the soft looking hair covering his arms and chest, his tanned skin covering young new muscles, barely peaking from his ragged clothing. Yes I felt myself excited at the possibility of touching his skin.

Heat, light, warmed, soft touches here and there, wetness between my thighs, my hand lingering softly against my eager skin. The cool breeze of the morning pebbling my nipples under the thin sheet, the softness of the bed and the linens as well as the pillow under my head. The movement is faster, my fingers dig inside me trying to find a secret place that will unleash an euphoria of need and want building it sure to a monumental release. The blush on my skin radiates warmed, making the small beads of sweat to peak out of the pores, cooling the skin and moisturizing every place. The soft ache on my throbbing bud, the friction making it tender and sensitive. It's sleekness is mesmerizing to me, the slightest of graces and my whole body reacts as if unchaining a reaction where my legs part, arms flailed above my head, back arches as if pressing my ass to the mattress, breathing becomes labored, my mouth opens and my eyes scrunch shut as if trying to hold on. Yes my self educed orgasm was interesting and pleasurable. I'd forgotten the sensations my own hand could provoke when manipulation the flesh, that same flesh that was so in tuned with my mind the movements the speed, the pressure, the way I would hold of from diving and chasing after it. The sun had changed positions and was now warming my bed fully I knew I had to get up, in the back of my mind where this person resided until it was said that I would leave, her schedule consisted of washing up, dressing –the image of a long flowing summer dress came to me, feeding a young smiling boy; walking him to a nearby school. The long walk to the dress shop would take a little more time, but the walk there was pleasant with this new weather –Images of cold winds and snow whipping at her face made me shutter. The adrenaline still coursed through my veins as I left the bed. The large mirrored closet doors held my true image as they'd done before with Dolores. It only gave the image of this new body once and then it turned slowly but surely to the real reflection within. The emaciated like thin body covered in a bone white feathery skin. As I twisted and turned I could see the protrusions on my back, the long black scars. I closed my eyes in fright, but the image already imprinted on my brain, the jagged breaths the only noise in the otherwise quiet room. I moved away keeping my gaze down. The small pink doors hide a simple washroom, entering it, my feet felt the cold of the tiles and I jumped a little from it, turning away I saw the small pink fluffy slippers.

As I washed the remains of my morning pleasure my mind kept shifting images of places, people objects, I wanted to find him as soon as possible, the feelings inside this body where too strong for me to contain, the hormones and the excitement where confusing me, I had to gain control or else the mission would fail and I'd be send back there, but this time I knew that I would never get a new chance.

Combing my hair, placing small hoop earrings, some gold bangle bracelets on my wrists and brushing some make up on my face, I kept feeling dread making my skin prick. I looked around for the long flowing summer dress in my head, and found it hanging on the back of the door. I quickly threw it on and made do of a pair of flat sandals that matched the accessories.

After fixing a light breakfast I went in search of the smiling boy-face that had been in my head moments before.

Founding him still asleep on a small room, done in various shades of blue. He looked angelic while he slept, his round cherub cheeks and soft looking skin sparked feelings of tenderness and love towards him.

I kissed his cheek and felt dread again. The skin on the back of my neck prickled and fright and disdain filled my blood.

I quickly moved away from him, leaving the room and closing the door careful not to wake him. As I turned to look back to his door, the small deep blue letters engraved on the door with the word Philip on it, his name. A warning sounded in my head and flashes of a small broken little girl being used and touched the way a any child shouldn't, I could see the small frighten dirty face, the way his large rough hands would take her clothing off, pulling it even when she protested that it chaffed her skin, or that it would the zipper would scratch her. I could see the little girl curled up inside the back seat of the car shaking and crying like a frighten little defenseless animal, and the shadow that followed her everywhere, still not aware if it's power, it could have saved her, it could have done so much, but the loud booming voices would make him repent and move away from her. He was as trapped as she was.

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><p><strong>Ok, so I figure this is almost done, I'm really writing the next one, not kidding this time, I figure about 100 chapters, round all the corners.<strong>

**Love **

**Mel**


	90. Chapter 90

**Chapter 90**

Soft breeze lifts my long skirt up as I walk trough the town square. It caresses my skin and I feel alive, the horrible images of this morning not really forgotten but dulled and locked away for today, I plated his breakfast and waited for him on the porch, I couldn't be near him, the weird unsettling images and feelings would come back, his innocent eyes and smile only made it more difficult for me to really see him as a child an not as the large disgusting man that abused and raped that little girl. I could help him, I could change it, he would never to it. Scary thought came to mind a knife ripping the flesh of his neck as he slept. Crushed pills in his food and him chocking up vomit as the life in his eyes extinguished.

"My God I could never do that, he's a child" the small voice inside me screamed, yes it was this body's conscience. I would never do it.

He could be a killer in the future, but it's not written yet, it's not done yet, everything could and would change. I would make sure it did.

I heard the wooden door open and the small shuffling steps. I couldn't look at him; there were too many negative feelings. I saw his feet in small Spiderman sneakers, those knobby knees, his denim shorts and a matching Spiderman Shirt, but that's about as far as I would dare.

He touched my shoulder and his childlike angelic voice called out "Maria, can we go now? I needs to find out if Ben is gonna bring his book today"

I smiled at this and grabbed his hand. We walked side by side.

The walk was quiet and I kept my mind on other things, pushing the horrible images that his touch would torment me with. As soon as we got to the school gates he pulled my hands hard enough for me to bend down and he kissed my cheek tenderly, my eyes closed and the images of his older self flooded my brain, I could hear and feel the huffing of his rancid breath on my face, and his fingers digging into my young little girl flesh, the smile and the twinkle in his eyes and the shadow behind him bending in odd shapes as if trying to beg forgiveness.

He let go and ran to his waiting friends, as I walked away I could hear the laughter and the murmuring of there young child voices. It was a normal day, in a normal little town, where nothing really happened.

Juicy and ripe, it melted against my tongue, the juice flooded my senses and made me smile. The breeze kept me from getting too warm in this May Day -one of the hottest seen in years, I'd heard people mention. I closed my eyes and savored the taste that lingered in my mouth of that orange I'd broad with me. I sat back my head resting on the back of the wooden bench. Noises of cars and people walking around the town square, the smell of food cooking and the feel of the sun on my skin was getting too much for me. I opened my eyes and saw a young strange man, he features familiar to me as if I'd dreamed about him.

His eyes a mass of uncertainty and wonder, he carried himself proudly, his stance very straight and tall, his steps sure and sturdy, but light and quick. I watched him as he walked around for a few moments, looking into shop windows, passing several shops and people curious as to what and who he was. His clothing very unsual for our small and concervative town, every man in a suite and tie and at times a hat to ward of the sun. The women with there long dresses covering almost every part of flesh as not to be taken as a tart. The dress I wore showed way too much flesh for there startled sensitivities but I didn't mind the stares, I was used to it, or at lease this woman that my spirit had inhabited was.

She was used to being looked at and at times gawked at. The arraignment that took place in her home was also something that caused murmurings and gossip that was whispered as she walked by, I could hear and see it in her mind. I felt sorry for her and wanted to help her, it felt as if whenever I got close to this emotion my mind would block everything and remember the mission. His, his soul, his being had to be returned where it belonged, I had to bring him back. The balance had to be restored and I'd go back to my lonely empty existence. It was a price to pay for him to be where he belonged, to be back where he was needed.

But why him?

Why have him back there where he could only look and not experience, it would be a waist of a perfectly good and powerful soul, if you asked me.

Of course, what should I know? I was here because he'd taken an interest in my pitiful life back then. He'd seen something special where I was sure there was none.

A life no less important then all those out there with real value, a life that would only bring pain and suffering, as images of the men that I'd killed with this curse I'd been given flashed through my mind my knees gave out a little. I stood and walked towards the dress shop to start my shift. And when I got there Ivan was waiting for me –impatient as always, he pulled me towards the door, explaining rapidly about the dresses that Vivian wanted me to finish, about what the afternoon itinerary would be like. As always cooking and cleaning, taking care of Phillip and making sure that Vivian's wine goblet would never be empty.

That night I dreamed about him, tied to a bed, bleeding and bruised, I could see Ivan punching and kicking him. My touch to Ivan's bare skin had stopped it, I felt the chill of the night and had the get up and close the windows, outside it seamed the weather was changing, the winds felt like they were bringing something new to our small town.

As I tried to fall asleep again the noises from downstairs kept me awake. Vivian was in one of her loud moods having Ivan kneel for her, I could hear the whipping and the short moans and groans, it was going to be a difficult day tomorrow as it always was when they got to playing, he would be dispread and needy and she would be distant and cruel.

I just hoped that tomorrow I could take Phillip to his friend's house for his sleep over and later leave.

Yes I was running away, or Maria was. She had a plan, money saved up, contacts and even a car. Her ingenuity was incredible; she'd been talking to a woman via letters. They were all hidden in a small hole under her bead, covered by the carpet, I read them to keep occupied and also from having to listen to those two. They both made my skin crawl, the way he'd touch me and his sleazy and putrid breath on my skin when he's talked to me way too close.

Vivian was another type of disgusting, the way she would ignore me and at times order Ivan to punish me or Phillip, it was horrible but we had no choice, we where two lost souls bidding there time until there was an opportunity. I felt sleep come over me, a name stood out from the letters. Victoria. She was our answer and our way out.

I woke up very hungry and tired, but needed to stat the routine.

This time Phillip didn't want to go to his friends house, so we ended up staying on the yard, I sat at the porch swing while he rode his bike on the grass –I was sure to get a beating or maybe a day with out food or drink from Vivian, because of it, I mean from the outside everything seamed picturesque, like nothing was wrong. A young woman -the nanny maybe, taking care of a young child, happily playing, it was as if nothing was wrong or could be.

My skin prickled as Phillip approached me, again I felt the dread and pain of the images transmitted from his touch, this time he showed me the young girl crying under a mobile home, dirty and cold the wind whipping her tender flesh, as she only wore a t-shirt and panties. Her tears dried up against her cheeks cruelly raw from the cold. I could even feel the fright and dread filling her blood.

I broke out of it when I saw movement over the short stone wall that surrounded the property. His smile was inviting, almost happy and carefree. I smiled back wanting that smile to lift me up and carry me to somewhere safe and where I could only look at him and feel special.

Phillip tugged on my hand breaking our gaze, his never left me because it warmed me up and scared me a little at the same time. For a second there I wanted him away. Gone from this place, this horrible trap that had been set for him.

I walked to the door and let Phillip walk in ahead of me, the door closed behind me and seconds later I heard the car that carried my tormentors.

I felt numb, as I saw how Vivian stroke his arm, the way she looked at him, his inner light was too much for her to resist. The way she wanted him was obvious. He smiled politely and was trapped in her horrible web.

Ivan came in caring Vivian's bags and proceded to lecture me and scold me about keeping "the boy" as he called him, inside. They felt scared if he was out for too long, his power could come back and hell would be set loose.

My body reacted to the closeness of our new house guest, it quivered as he came closer, the look on his face was of anger, his pure blue light shone stronger, I instinctively moved away, trying to fight the pull that he had on me, I had to admit, I was scared.

A sinner scared of the light.


	91. Chapter 91

Hi everyone!

Sorry doesn't cut it anymore, I totally suck at updating this fic, I'm sorry for the bad grammar and writing, and the horrible schedule for posting, but the thing is that, when your muse complete grabs her bags and leaves you, you got nothing, I spend like a month trying to get into this fic again but they weren't talking anymore, and I have to be in a gloomy mood to hear them, so blame the fun times I've been having :P

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><p>Chapter 91<p>

"Make something special Mary, keep your mouth shut and your eyes down, and under no circumstances go near the new one" He hissed at my ear while hurting my arm in his punishing grip.

I felt the heat of the new soul in this house, he was so strong, so inviting. I could feel his presence even while I cooked; I could hear his humming, yes, the connection was that strong.

I walked with a purpose leaving the kitchen, after finishing the meal, leaving everything ready to be served, and walked to his bedroom. I could hear the water running in the shower, his voice a siren calling to me, transforming my mind, wanting and needing to get near and never leave him.

Dazed because of what I was feeling he then startled me by walking out of the bathroom wearing a towel around his hips and with another drying his shaggy hair, the beads of water ran down over his pecks, his arms where defined but not bulging, he looked younger now then he'd been before. I could see the green of his eyes, so intense and so deep I felt lost in them, like anything could happen. Before I knew it his lips where against mine, his hands roamed my body, hot lava burned inside me. The feel of his tongue against my lips felt sinfully sweet, that I gasped and it entered my mouth, the taste of him was too good to describe, I could only feel the warmed and unique taste of it inside me and my skin became electric with his touch and the feel of him against me, I felt frozen in place as his hands caressed my back. I felt the quiver in my belly like that morning when I'd touched myself, when his fingers brushed my covered nipple, that now was in complete attention and wanting him to do it again.

As quick as he'd pounced on me, he'd now retreated and was standing a few steps away. His heavy breaths, made his chest rise and fall in the most enticing way, it practically hypnotized me and I couldn't look away.

His body looked liked carved from stone, a beautiful mix of muscle and fluid movement, I saw the dips and valleys that made this man, he was beautiful and no amount of lust or filth that they could ever drop on him with there evil sinning ways

I felt how my spirit left this body and saw the reaction on his face, he was apologetic and in fact did apologist for it, I wanted to tell him that it was great, actually incredible, that I wanted him to do it again, but I was trapped. I feel the pull towards her as she leaves the room with out a word to him; I see and feel like she's on autopilot. She moves around the kitchen without pause, and takes a the 3 services to the dinning room, placing everything nicely and carefully, Ivan smirks at her and slaps her ass, when he sees no reaction to it he frowns, and runs out of the room. I hear him call out to Vivian frantically. I hear her sneer my name and she moves quickly to meet her in the hallway leading to Phillips room.

"get the boy out of her right now, and then come back, you need to put yourself together NOW" She screams right against her face, the shock of the sharp slap on her check makes me dizzy and before I know it I'm back inside, watching her angry eyes.

"get him out of here and put him in the rooms" She smirks smugly.

"But he's too young" I feel afraid at the mention of these "rooms".

"he needs to do his time before he does his deeds, we need him raw and rabid" she smiles evilly.

I move quickly and gather the boy's things, the small backpack is slung over my shoulder as I hurriedly dress him in warm clothing, I know the weather has changed and he'll be cold there.

He never questions me like he usually does, he's quiet and resigned. I take his gloved hand and let out a relieved sigh when I don't get flashing pained images in my head.

He smirks at me and looks ahead, pulling me out of his room. He knows this will be the last time he'll be here and he seams happy about it.

We walk several blocks bundled up in our winter coats, my long black one only leaves my face uncovered, the black wool gloves protect my fingers from suddenly freezing, from the crazy winter like weather that's hit the small town. Like our new arrival has broad it with him.

When I'm walking back to the house, after leaving young Phillip at the small orphanage, that I hadn't planned, I feel relieved, like he was supposed to lead me there, the young woman that takes his hand leading him inside smiles genuinely and smoothes out his little spiderman beanie, I leaning down towards his ear and whisper for him to be good, knowing deep inside that I'm taking a huge gamble in leaving him here, much less alive, for him to grow into the horrible monstrous tormentor in my future.

He smiles and pokes my nose with his little gloved finger and shakes his head making me feel silly for even telling him to be good.

When I'm back at the house I leave my coat and gloves at the small foye closet, and practically run to the kitchen, when I get there I hear Vivian's incessant voice, as she chatters telling made up stories about there marriage and how they came to be in this small town.

The young man never questions or speaks out of turn, his voice is soft and when I watch him while I serve the meal, his cheeks redden at her compliments, several times he removes his arm under Vivian's fingers, making me sigh in relief that he too feels uncomfortable under her watchful eyes and grubby hands. Ivan in turn is irate and taciturn, staving his meal and gobbling his drink as if they where at fault.

A few moment later as I'm cleaning up the tops in the kitchen and finishing putting all the dirty pots in the dishwasher I hear them open the doors to the back garden, it's dried up and puetrid, I never go back there, it's where Ivan has buried the old accupants of this house, the couple and young children they butchered up, he inhabited his body and made the father killed them. Young Marie was saved because she secretly felt the darkness within her. But I'm still not sure if she was really spared; the long tortures nights might seam far worse then what she was living before.

I move quickly to keep Vivian's goblet filled and the other's glasses refreshed as I was told before. I feel the burn of his stare against my weak flesh and my cheeks redden at the precise moment that Ivan eyes me as I poor his drink. I feel his hand around my wrist and his sneer almost makes me shiver and drop the long steamed bottle.

I walk quickly to the door and feel Ivan behind me as he swiffly pulles me towards the kitchen and trows me against the breakfast bar, my lower back hits the wood and I wince in pain.

"You will not look at him, you filthy bitch" He moves away from me and leaves the kitchen. I hear his footsteps against the wooden floors the sound moving towards the bedrooms.

I find the glass ice bucket and move towards the back yard again, I notice the small lights have been lid, she sure did a visual on the place, the image is low, but you can see the edges of the vision she made up, the too green freshly cut grass, the twinkling lights and the new shrubs as well as the small pool lite from below, she didn't hesitate to pull all the stops. I shake my head in amusement and shame at the same time.

As I fill her glass with ice and poor the scotch she asked for, I feel his hand wrap around mine, his fingers twining, I move my hand as slowly as possible to not alert a drunken Vivian to his advances.

When I excuse myself he stands and quickly apologies, moving towards me, I walk quickly towards the kitchen and sit on one of the stools, when I feel the heat of his approaching figure, my sprit quickly retreats again, leaving the host body. I feel frustrated, they won't let me speak to him, warn him, they know that he must suffer in this place, it's his destiny. But I've also made up my mind and I won't leave him

He moves away from me and I see him disappear trough the dinning room.

I awake looming over a pile of ashes, my eyes are drowning in tears and a madly beaten figure is sprawled on the carpeted floor.

I run and quickly asses him to feel a pulse, he's still breading but has passed out from the pain. I pull with all my might his heavy body and place him as carefully as I can on the unmade and bloodied bad, when He's situated, I run to the bathroom and wetting some towels, I clean his face carefully, his arms, his chest, his legs and turning him slowly his back too.

He's near death but I won't let him go.

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><p>Before I go, I wanna let you know that this story is finally coming to a close, there might be around 6-8 chapters left, the thing is that I don't wanna just breeze over it to get to the end, I wanna do it justice like I've been doing, I'm sorry again for all my horrible grammar and spelling mistakes, this is so very near and dear to my heart, because as I've said part of this story is in part true, and some of the characters resemble several ppl I know. As a very wise author once said.. write what you know... So here it is. Thanks again for sticking with me, and for reviewing, smooches ppl!<p> 


	92. Chapter 92

Hey everyone, yeah, I know sorry doesn't cut it. It's been a bit of a struggle to keep this story updates. Like I said, I have to be in a certaind mood to write this one. Also I don't want to rush this to a quick ending, I want the characters to get there at their own pace. So please bare with me, and to those who've still been on this crazy journey, Thank you from the bottom of my heart, I seriously appreciate that you keep reading and reviewing.

Alright, on with it!

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><p>Chapter 92<p>

A cloud hovers over the horizon covering the moon's light, the room grows dark for a few moments and then the red bright blood catches my eyes.

I look around still in a daze, there is gray-fine dust everywhere, mixed in with the sticky blood. His wounds are seeping and oozing the bright liquid and I can only stand there and look.

My body seams to be locked in position, no one is here and no one will help him unless I move, but I'm not aloud. They have me locked out.

His body is partly on the bed and on the carpet, his head dangles from the mattress in an odd way. His eyes are closed, mouth open and he doesn't seam to be breathing. A guttural moan escapes my trout but I still can't move.

Footsteps startle me I turn in time to watch Vivian open the door, the light from the hall washes over him and she screams like the ungodly demon she is and runs to his side, stroking his face with unworthy hands. I flinch as she kisses his lips and cheeks, moving her lips over his brow and his neck. She picks him up awkwardly huffing and puffing, bringing his head to her chest. She cries and laments but never mentions the beings above. She knows not to disturb them for such a thing. She lays him back on his pillow and covers him.

After she's done lamenting his death, she looks over to the larger pile of gray dust and smirks evilly.

-"I knew you would never survive him"- she sneers.

She walks towards the door and with one last look back at the pale beautiful being, she leaves.

-"He's mine"- I yell for everyone to hear.

He's been mine since before anyone here could comprehend. I've been lost and he's found me, I have to do the same for him. He will disappear if I don't go back. His body will rot and she will be there to see to it that he's never found.

-"He had a family. People that loved him, nurtured him, it's unfair for them not to know where he is or what's become of him"- I beg and plead his case… my case, it doesn't matter anymore, we're connected, it was me who lured him here to this state.

They bow their heads in concentration and I hear the solemn united voice telling me to go back, but it will be the last time. I will not be able to get back, to move to the other realms like I was supposed to after this assignment. I don't care anymore, there's too much at stake, he's here. He needs me and I will not fail.

I pack, I hear the rustling of the winds and the changing of the leaves, my concentration has gone to ethereal modes, I can cloud him and keep him with me, when she comes to collect him; her dazed mind can no longer see him. She's furious but she stays in the house, looking and destroying everything in her path. The rotting bodies of the previous occupants of this house have now been discovered by the neighbor's dog. She poisoned the dog and burned its body. –"It must have ran away"- her voice sweet and convincing.

They've asked her about Ivan. –"Business trip"- she smiles politely. The neighbor concedes but still looks unconvinced, the rotting flower beds and the now brown dried up grass, keeps her visible to the other neighbors, the rapidly changing leaves and weather, keeps them alert of the oddness of her situation.

It's been four months since this beautiful blue pure light came into this desolated deadly cave, his light still shines but not as bright as before.

He can now stand.

I bring him out of the haze he's been living in. He's kept quiet most of the time; his injuries are now small lines, reminders of that horrible night.

I thought I'd never have to use that power again, but I'm glad it was for him.

To save him.

I hear the faint sound of his breathing, he's restless tonight, he'll soon wake and I have to be there to greet him.

I need more time, the dark skinned man is traveling close now, and Victoria will guide his thoughts towards us. I hope this works.

I change my clothing, wear the dark cloak that was given to me for this mission, I bring with me the small reminders of the different people my spirit has inhabited, a beautiful gold ring that Magdalena wore on her ring finger signaling her love and devotion to her lover, Bella's paintbrush that has guided him to her, a beautiful broken and sad dancer that no one but death ever loved. She was the most instrumental in this, I still feel her at times, she was the strongest of them all, suffered and endured so much at such a young age, but still never gave up. I feel like she still guides me, I feel like she's still inside me, her voice is the strongest, and I know that Eduardo will want her as soon as I find out how to bring her out.

The longer I wait, the longer I doubt it will work. The voices have seized to guide me now. The have decided to leave me to my own devices. Sure that I will lose, the need me to lose, the need him down there. I will not, he doesn't belong there; he's much too great and strong to be there. I know that we'll be separated again, but as I'm sure he's found me this time, he will do it again. It's like our destiny to keep missing each other, whether it is because of circumstances or realms. I will find him too. Will look for him forever, my soul knows his and will not let him go.

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><p>Next chapter is in the work, well half done, so see you soon!<p> 


	93. Chapter 93

Hello wonderful readers!

Thank you all for your continued patience!

I finally found my way towards finishing this story.

I find myself happy to have this chapter ready and the next one.

Enjoy

Chapter 93

As if it was a bell towing for Sunday mass.

Or a high pitched alarm to run for the cellars and hide from the hurricane.

I was relieved when shadowy figures, dressed in dusty outdated clothes, and eyes full of fright arrived, I breathed a sigh of relief, thinking they'd come for him, they'd found him and would be able to undo this curse.

Sadly, she got to them and fed them a likely story. "He's gone". "We offered him room and board for the night and he left with our daughter in the middle of the night. My husband -she practically choked on the word, has gone to find them".

Their sheepish faces, moved away from her, and headed towards their vehicles. The only ones that kept their regal poise where the older couple holding hands, her beautiful eyes resembled his. I stroked his sleeping face, worried that they might challenge Vivian and be held here for eternity.

But their suspicious eyes and doubting mouths, only made her determined to keep them out. Her glare kept them quiet but still angry. The man stroked his wife's shoulder in a quiet gesture, making her seize her questioning and quietly walked to the street.

In a few moments they where small dots on the horizon, but their light kept shinning around him for a bit longer. His aura kept them close, but still it wasn't enough for her to un bind him from this place.

Days later he awoke, his questions where simple but still difficult for me to answer without frightening him or revealing too much, hence ruining the plan.

After coercing him to get dressed and follow me outside, it was almost too easy.

We walked for a bit, his body still unaware that it had been vacant for month, and healed completely.

He could still feel and would project the scars and wounds. I didn't want his mind to over take the house before we could get away, so I kept quiet and mysterious, knowing well that he'd follow me and let me guide him to safety.

After our wondering spirits, took us to the entrance of the other realm, I left him for a bit to plea for his entrance. He wasn't aloud yet, he had to have committed a mortal sin. I begged them that loving a demon should be considered one. It worked and he was let in.

I was tired and afraid that he'd refuse the ritual, but his eyes wouldn't leave mine. It was too easy leading him between the rotted corpses and hungry hands that would reach out to grab him. He never noticed how I had to pull him against me to get him out of the way of the larger beings fighting for their freedom in the pits of this retched place.

His beautiful eyes kept on mine, trusting and patient.

After the long journey it was done, I needed for him to understand but his mind was drifting. They had hounded on him and they would do their worse to make him doubt and come to them. I was determined to keep him. He was mine, and always had been, I would be damned if I'd let him go now.

I already was.

After a few moments, he awoke and I knew he'd seen me, but I wasn't sure how much he'd understand and would turn as an illusion more then the reality of my rotted flesh.

His eyes stared back to mine while I walked toward him on the bed, he was afraid, I could smell it, it was delicious, to a being like me it was like caviar. I wanted to devour him but I wasn't here for this, I needed to remember that it was more to this then just to feed from him. His light was too tempting to let go.

I kissed his lips and caressed his body, moved over him and rocked myself against his arousal, he was so warm and inviting, he couldn't see me as I really was, yet. I held him and kissed his lips feverently and he stroked and caressed my body. The heat between us came to a cresendo and before I knew it, he was gone. I couldn't believe it.

He'd left me again.

My mind became irrational and my cries and pleas for them to return him where invane, his body was ashes agianst me.

I knew it was my doing but it still felt like the cruelest joke ever made. I've heard humans say that God is an angry child playing with humans like ants under a magnafying glass. Even mentione that Karma is a rightfull bitch. But what had I done in all my lives to deserve such pain, suffering, and desolation.

I kept crying and stroking the beautiful siloet of his face, it crumbled under my pointy claws

There was no use in hiding anymore, I had done it. I had killed what I had love the most in this world and condemed myself to lonelyness.

My cries and howls vibrated against the walls of this places. And for a second I thought I would be left here to rotte for eternity.

A light above me shone brightly making me eyes sting, I lowered my head and bowed to it, the voice above ordered me to cease and with a flash like lightning I was gone.

Please review and let me know what you think


	94. Chapter 94

Here's another chapter, its a transitional one, bare with me, all will Btw solved.

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><p>Chapter 94<p>

Warm breeze against my tanned skin.

Under my fingers fine pink sand.

The warmed of the sun blossoms fresh drops of sweat from my brow. I keep picking up sea shells and collect them on to my little woven basket. I'm sure mother will love these and make new neckleses for me to sell at the market on Sunday. The tourist will love them and happilly hand over their coins.

My short white dress blows in the salty air.

And I'm happy. I'm here in this place, I still have some of my memories, but I'm sure they'll soon disapear with time. I'm young.

Mother is busy caring for my younger sister and baby brother. My older sisters are too old to play on the sand with me, so I'm left alone most of the day.

My feet are getting too warm from the hot sand, so I walk towards the water and wait until the tide comes down towards me. My dress gets wet from the bottoms but I don't care, the sun will soon dry it.

I hear voices on the top of the hill near the road that leads to town. Two young boys walk barefoot with their trousers rolled up and fishing poles against their shoulders, and a large basket filled with fresh fish.

I smile at their luck, I'm sure I'll be seeing them soon at the market.

It's been days and I have fifteen new sets of seashell necklesses and earings. I'm at the market place setting up my table, my oldest sister was told to come and help me, my other sister will bring me food and water during the day. I watch them turn heads as they walk to Sunday mass with their beautiful pink and soft yellow dresses, their hair in long blond curls. I move my hand towards mine and I crindge from the corse hair stuck to my skull. I hate it. They all have deep bright blue eyes and I'm the only one with green ones. They all have light creamy white skin and mine is tanned from all the time spend under the sun. I watch all the young men look at them and some follow them to the church, but others wait outside with cold drinks and flowers, some with offers of walking around or sitting at the park. Hours later I get them as customers offering to buy a set of seashell jewlery for them, but they decline and ask for real stones.

My oldest sister laughs at the young man's face and mentions a set of diamond earings she spoted in the next town. She walks away flipping her long soft curls with a train of young men eager for her attentions.

I keep watching her as she walks and sways her hips a bit more when she passes an older man with an expensive looking grey suit, he takes his hat off and bows in an elegent manner and gets a small smile from my sister and a hard elbow to the ribs from his angry wife.

I shake my head and smile, she's been beautiful her whole life and is used to this.

My other sister is sitting on a wooden bench with a young man, they're both looking into each other's eyes while licking icecream from small paper cones. She's nicer at leased I figure.

A comottion startles me. Two young boys come running towards my stand and behind them an angry man, with a butcher's knife yelling for them to get back and hand over the money, "the fish wasn't fresh" he yells.

I laugh and the man looks over at me with angry eyes. I look away innocently but remember them a few days ago having caught a large basket. They where a bit older then I am, the one that had caught my eye was robust and looked strong, his shoulders broad and tanned, his wild blond streaked hair was partially covered by a straw hat, his smile so bright that could only be eclipsed by his deep almost turquous blue eyes. He was beautiful but too old for me.

Probably one of my sisters would hold his attention and he'd visit my house just to talk to one of them, and I would only sigh at his presence.

Later on they come back, it's almost twilight and most of the stands have been taken down and the people gone home to rest, I'm still sitting at my small table, with two sets still un sold. I have to sell them, I've never left the market place with any before. So I'm determined to stay a bit longer and get them sold.

A young woman with a large straw hat and fancy and colorful clothes has drifted twice now towards my table. She's tried one of the necklesses on and asked to it in another color, but since they;re only two left I don't have that, I promise her to come back next week and I'll have it in her prefered shade, but being a tourist she might not be here then. She asked her father an older graying man to buy it for her but he frowned at her and walked away. She smiled embarest and promised to be back a bit later. It's been two hours now and my body aches from sitting her all day, I'm thristy and hungry because my sisters forgot about me. I'm leaning on my hand with my elbow on the table and I'm drifting in and out of sleep, when I get a soft troath clearing, It startles me and I stand too quickily that I lose my footing and almost tip the table. His blue intense eyes sparkle with mirth and his smile makes me blush.

I offer him help and he just keeps smiling at me handing me more then the price of both sets of jewlery. My eyes grow wide and his smile is still in place. I hurridly wrap them in soft cloth and set them in small wooden boxes painted in bright colors that my mother and I decorated. He looks at them and smiles proudly, and I get a sinking feeling that they're gifts for some adoring girls he's keeping. My smile falters and I take his money and hand him back his change, he refuses to take it and tells me it's a fair price.

He bows a bit taking his straw hat off and leaves me with longing eyes and an empty stand to close down.

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><p>Please review, it gives me incentive to keep writing :)<p> 


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